In the latest installment from the cinematic juggernaut that is the Marvel machine, prepare to witness a government agency’s pathetic attempt to put a superhero team together from the cinematic universe’s B-squad. Forget your patriotic do-gooders and Norse gods; this is a motley crew of misfits, assassins, and a man who is essentially a living, breathing temper tantrum with a shield. It’s a group so morally ambiguous they make a politician look honest. The only thing they have in common is a serious case of “daddy issues” and the fact that no one else in their right mind would hire them.
The film’s plot, like a cheap suit, seems held together by a thread and a healthy dose of suspension of disbelief. The CIA’s puppet-master, a woman who probably thinks the Geneva Convention is a suggestion, rounds up these lost souls for a mission they’re supposed to fail. It’s a suicide squad, but with less charisma and more emotional baggage. If you’re a fan of a bunch of sad sacks complaining about their lot in life while occasionally punching things, then this is the movie for you.
Review by Ben Dover
I’ve been reviewing movies for longer than most of these kids have been alive, and let me tell you, I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen good movies, bad movies, and movies so utterly pointless they make a two-hour lecture on basket weaving seem like a thrilling adventure. This… Thunderbolts… is not the worst I’ve ever seen, but it’s not the best either. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a wet blanket—it’s there, it covers you, but it’s not comfortable and it certainly isn’t inspiring. The studio execs probably sat around a table and said, “The Avengers are gone, so who else have we got lying around? The moody Russian girl? The guy who thinks he’s Captain America? Perfect! Let’s give them a therapy session with explosions.”
The whole thing feels less like a superhero movie and more like a group therapy session with a budget. You’ve got this Lewis Pullman kid playing “Sentry,” and the whole movie is about getting inside his head to fix his trauma. Back in my day, we didn’t have trauma; we had problems. You got a flat tire? That’s a problem. Your wife left you for the mailman? That’s a problem. This guy’s problem is he’s a god with an evil alter-ego named “Void” that can engulf all of New York in darkness. I’m sorry, what? That’s not a problem, that’s a job for the police. What the heck is going on with these kids today and their feelings? They can’t just fight the bad guys; they have to hug them into submission.
The plot meanders all over the place, like a lost tourist in Times Square. They start with a mission, then find out they’re being betrayed, then they get kidnapped, then they’re saving the world from the very person they were sent to find. It’s like the writer kept forgetting what they were doing and just threw in another twist. And the big climax is a group hug. A group hug! I swear, I almost walked out of the theater. A grown man with a metal arm and a giant Russian bear of a man are just hugging a guy with god-like powers. Is this what passes for heroism these days? My generation won a World War; these kids are winning with emotional vulnerability.
I will say this, though: the cast is pretty good. Pugh can do the brooding, sarcastic thing in her sleep, and Harbour is a hoot as the Red Guardian. Sebastian Stan as Bucky Barnes is a bit of a stick in the mud, but I guess that’s the character. It’s a shame they’re all stuck in a movie that feels less like a high-stakes action film and more like a prequel to a much better movie we’ll probably never get. Maybe it’s a commentary on society: we’re all just a bunch of broken people trying to get by. Or maybe it’s just another Marvel movie with a bunch of CGI and a confused plot. Either way, I’d rather be home watching the Yankees game.
So I guess this is what we get for our “New Avengers”. Call me underwhelmed.
Rating
2.5 out of 5 Stars
Who Stars in the Movie
- Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova: The younger, sassier version of Black Widow, but with all the unresolved grief of a young person who’s been through a lot. She’s got the combat skills but is in desperate need of a good therapist.
- Sebastian Stan as Bucky Barnes: The Winter Soldier, now a U.S. Congressman. He’s the most competent one in the group, which is a low bar, but he’s still not fun to be around. He’s the guy at the party who just wants to go home and read a book.
- David Harbour as Alexei Shostakov / Red Guardian: A washed-up Russian “hero” who thinks he’s a big deal. He’s the only one who seems to be having any fun, probably because he’s blissfully ignorant of all the drama.
- Hannah John-Kamen as Ava Starr / Ghost: A woman who can phase through objects but also has chronic pain. Her life sounds miserable, and you feel for her, but it’s a superhero movie, not a medical drama.
- Wyatt Russell as John Walker / U.S. Agent: He’s what happens when you try to clone Captain America and you only get the ego and the anger. The character is a walking liability.
- Olga Kurylenko as Antonia Dreykov / Taskmaster: Her whole thing is mimicking other people, so she’s got no real personality of her own. She gets taken out early in the movie, which is fine because she was just standing around looking confused.
- Lewis Pullman as Robert Reynolds / Sentry / Void: A new character who is essentially two personalities in one. One is a nice guy who volunteers for a super-soldier experiment; the other is a world-ending force of pure darkness. He’s the MacGuffin of the movie.
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Valentina Allegra de Fontaine: The CIA director who is just a master manipulator, and she loves it. She’s the closest thing this movie has to a villain, and she’s the only one who seems to know what she’s doing.
Special Effects & Music
The special effects are fine, I guess. It’s all the usual computer-generated nonsense you’ve come to expect from these movies. They can make people fly, blow up buildings, and have a guy turn into a shadow monster. I’m just tired of it. It’s all so digital and clean. Back in my day, we had practical effects! Explosions were real explosions, and people got hurt! It felt real. Now it’s just a bunch of pixels fighting other pixels. The “Void” effect, where he turns people into shadowy silhouettes, is a neat idea, but it’s still just a computer rendering.
The music is done by Son Lux. I don’t know who that is, but it sounded like a bunch of moody, atmospheric stuff. It’s not a big, sweeping orchestral score you can hum on the way out of the theater. It just kind of exists in the background to make the “trauma” scenes feel more dramatic. It’s what you’d expect from a movie about emotionally damaged people: music that sounds like a person crying into a pillow.
Synopsis & Plot Breakdown
The film begins with Yelena Belova on a mission to blow up a laboratory in Malaysia that’s connected to her boss, CIA Director Valentina Allegra de Fontaine. Valentina is in a heap of trouble with the government for her shadowy dealings and is facing impeachment. To cover her tracks, she sends Yelena, John Walker (U.S. Agent), Ava Starr (Ghost), and Antonia Dreykov (Taskmaster) to a secret facility. The twist is, she’s setting them up to kill each other to get rid of the evidence. However, the mission goes sideways. Taskmaster is killed by Ghost, and the remaining group figures out Valentina’s betrayal.
During the chaos, a confused and amnesiac man named Robert Reynolds, the subject of a super-soldier experiment, is released. When the Thunderbolts touch him, they have traumatic flashbacks, amplified by the dark entity, the “Void,” living inside him. They escape, and Valentina captures Bob, taking him to the former Avengers Tower, now called the “Watchtower.” She plans to use him as her new superhero “Sentry” to salvage her career.
Meanwhile, Bucky Barnes, now a congressman, is secretly working to expose Valentina. He tips off the Thunderbolts and helps them infiltrate the Watchtower. The team confronts Valentina and the newly-christened Sentry. Sentry, developing a god-like complex, turns on Valentina, and her assistant Mel uses a failsafe kill switch. This only unleashes the Void, who begins to consume New York City in a supernatural darkness that traps its victims in their own traumatic memories.
Realizing they can only stop the Void from within, the Thunderbolts enter the darkness to reach Bob’s consciousness. Inside the Void, they confront their own past traumas and help Bob fight his demons, which include an abusive father and drug addiction. They find the Void, which overpowers them, but they manage to hug Bob, affirming their belief in him. This empowers Bob to regain control and defeat the Void, which restores the city. The team prepares to arrest Valentina, but she, ever the manipulator, holds a press conference and introduces the Thunderbolts to the world as the “New Avengers,” taking all the credit. They play along for now, but Yelena whispers to Valentina that they now “own her.”
Famous Quotes from the Movie
- “When I was five, I was on a pee-wee soccer team called the West Chesapeake Valley Thunderbolts, sponsored by Shane’s Tire Shop. We won zero games, and one time this girl, Mindy, did a pool at midfield. Anyone else have any pointless childhood stories to tell?” – Yelena Belova
- “You can get a new name, but you can’t escape who you are.” – Valentina Allegra de Fontaine
- “There’s no higher calling than being a hero.” – Alexei Shostakov
- “Even if it doesn’t make the darkness go away, it will make it better.” – Yelena Belova
- “This is on you, John.” – Bucky Barnes to John Walker
Notes from the Movie
- The film establishes that Valentina Allegra de Fontaine is the one who bought the Avengers Tower from Tony Stark.
- The “Thunderbolts” name comes from the pee-wee soccer team Yelena was on as a child, which won zero games, a fitting metaphor for this team of misfits.
- The film directly addresses the lack of a major superhero team since the events of Avengers: Endgame, with the U.S. government trying to create their own.
- The asterisk in the film’s title, Thunderbolts*, is explained in the film as a nod to the team’s less-than-heroic origins, basically a footnote on their record.
- This movie heavily focuses on mental health and trauma, exploring the characters’ backstories and emotional struggles, a stark departure from the more traditional action-oriented Marvel films.