Hold onto your hats because we are diving into a three hour marathon of people crying and screaming in California. This flick tries to tie together a dozen different stories like a big messy knot that nobody asked to untie. It is directed by that Paul Thomas Anderson kid who clearly thinks he is the next Orson Welles just because he can move a camera around a hallway without hitting the walls.
You have got dying old men, game show hosts with secrets, and a bunch of other people who definitely need more than a few therapy sessions. It is supposed to be about how everything is connected by chance and fate or some other stuff they teach you in those expensive film schools. If you have nothing better to do with your afternoon and you really enjoy watching a movie that takes longer to finish than a Sunday double-header, then this might be for you.
Review by Ben Dover
I sat down to watch Magnolia and let me tell you my back still hurts from sitting that long. This movie is over three hours long. Who does this director think he is? I could have mowed the lawn, washed the car, and had a nice nap in the time it took for this thing to get to the point. It is set in the San Fernando Valley and follows a bunch of miserable people who spend most of their time looking into mirrors or crying in their cars. I do not get why people in movies today are so sensitive. Back in my day we had problems but we did not sing along to a pop song in the middle of a drama like a bunch of theater students.
The whole thing is built around these coincidences that are supposed to be deep. For example, there is a kid who is a genius on a game show and then there is a former kid genius who is now a total loser. We get it. Life is tough and then you die. Tom Cruise is in this playing some guy who teaches men how to be jerks to women. He is jumping around on stage in a leather vest looking like he had way too much coffee. He is actually pretty good at being a loudmouth, which probably was not much of a stretch for him.
Then you have a cop who loses his gun while trying to date a girl who is hooked on drugs. How does a cop lose his gun? If I lost my keys as much as these characters lose their minds I would never leave the house. The movie keeps jumping back and forth between all these people and every time I started to care about one of them, the camera zoomed off to find someone else having a mid-life crisis. It is like trying to watch ten different TV shows at the same time while someone is constantly changing the channel.
The ending is where things get really stupid. I will not spoil it here but let’s just say the weather report was not kidding about a high chance of pond life. I have seen some weird stuff in my sixty years but this takes the cake. It is supposed to be a metaphor I guess. To me it just looked like a giant mess that someone had to clean up with a shovel. The movie is smart, sure, but it is also exhausting. It is like that one friend who tells a story and takes forty minutes to get to the punchline.
In the end, I liked some of the acting, especially the guy playing the dying father, but the movie just refuses to end. It keeps going and going like a battery commercial. I appreciate that it tried to be something big and different, but maybe next time they could try being big and different in ninety minutes instead. My legs were falling asleep by the time the credits rolled and I still do not know if I actually liked it or if I was just hallucinating from hunger.
The Cast
- Tom Cruise: He plays Frank T.J. Mackey, a guy who sells “seduction” lessons. He screams a lot and has a ponytail that should have been its own character. He goes absolutely off the rails in the best way possible.
- Jason Robards: He plays Earl Partridge, a rich guy dying of cancer. He spends the whole movie in bed, which honestly looked like a better deal than what the rest of the cast was doing.
- Julianne Moore: She plays the young wife of the dying guy. She spends about 90 percent of her screen time screaming at pharmacists. She is VERY intense.
- Philip Seymour Hoffman: He plays a nurse named Phil. He is the only person in this whole movie who actually seems like a decent human being.
- John C. Reilly: He plays Officer Jim Kurring. He is a lonely cop who is a bit of a dork but has a good heart.
- William H. Macy: He plays “Quiz Kid” Donnie Smith. He wears braces as a grown man and hits on guys at bars. It is depressing.
Special Effects and Music
The music is basically just Aimee Mann songs on a loop. I like a good tune as much as the next guy, but having the characters actually start singing the lyrics during the movie was a bridge too far for me. It felt like I accidentally wandered into a Broadway rehearsal.
Special Effects
For a movie that feels like a gritty drama for two and a half hours, the ending takes a hard turn into the supernatural. The “frog rain” sequence is the big talking point here. For 1999, the blend of practical effects and CGI to make thousands of amphibians fall from the clouds is surprisingly convincing. It’s messy, loud, and looks startlingly real, which helps sell the sheer “what on earth is happening” vibe of the moment. I do not know how they made it look like thousands of frogs were falling from the sky but I am glad I was not the guy who had to go buy them all.
Rating
3.5 out of 5 Stars – It can feel a bit “extra” at times, some scenes scream for a little more subtlety (see frogs), and the runtime is a commitment. I’m glad I saw it, but also really glad it was a rental I wont have to watch again. This is an important movie that all film fans should see, but it is a technical good watch rather than a fun time at the movies.
Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown
The movie kicks off with a narrator telling us three stories about crazy coincidences to prove that weird stuff happens all the time. Then we meet the main players in Los Angeles. We have Earl Partridge, a big-shot TV producer who is dying. His nurse, Phil, is trying to find Earl’s estranged son, who turns out to be the “respect the cock” motivational speaker Frank T.J. Mackey. Meanwhile, Earl’s much younger wife, Linda, is freaking out because she realized she actually loves him now that he is kicking the bucket.
Then there is Jimmy Gator, the host of a long-running kids’ game show called “What Do Kids Know?” He is also dying of cancer and trying to reconnect with his daughter, Claudia, who hates him because he was a terrible father. Claudia is a mess and meets Officer Jim, who comes to her apartment because of a noise complaint. They go on a very awkward date where Jim loses his service revolver.
On the game show set, a kid named Stanley is being treated like a robot by his dad and ends up peeing his pants on national TV because they won’t let him go to the bathroom. This triggers a breakdown for Donnie Smith, a former winner of the show who is now obsessed with getting braces to win over a bartender.
As the night goes on, everyone’s secrets come out. Frank gets interviewed and his fake life falls apart. Jimmy Gator admits he cheated on his wife and she leaves him. Eventually, it starts raining frogs. Yes, actual frogs fall from the sky and smash into cars and houses. This weird event causes everyone to stop what they are doing. The movie ends with some people finding a little bit of peace while others are just left standing in a pile of amphibians.
Those of us watching are left wondering quite simply, WTF and more importantly why did I waste three hours on this.
Storyline Breakdowns
For us old farts that cant keep up, here are the several storylines over the course of one day in Los Angeles the movie follows:
- The Dying Father: Earl Partridge is dying of cancer. His nurse, Phil, tries to track down Earl’s estranged son, Frank T.J. Mackey, a famous “men’s rights” guru who teaches guys how to manipulate women.
- The Cop and the Girl: Officer Jim Kurring investigates a disturbance and meets Claudia, a woman struggling with drug addiction and trauma from her father, Jimmy Gator. Jim is a lonely guy who just wants to do good, and the two form an unlikely connection.
- The Quiz Kids: Jimmy Gator hosts a long-running trivia show called What Do Kids Know? The current child star, Stanley, is being pushed too hard by his dad, while a former champion, “Quiz Kid” Donnie Smith, is now a struggling adult obsessed with getting braces to win over a bartender.
- The Unfaithful Wife: Linda Partridge, Earl’s much younger wife, is spiraling out of control with guilt because she only married Earl for his money but realized too late that she actually loves him now that he’s dying.
Famous Quotes
- “I will not let you out of this house until you tell me what the hell is going on!”
- “Respect the cock! And tame the shrew!”
- “We might be through with the past, but the past ain’t through with us.”
- “I have so much love to give, I just don’t know where to put it.”
- “It is not dangerous to confuse children with angels.”
Movie Notes
- The title “Magnolia” refers to Magnolia Boulevard in Los Angeles where much of the movie takes place.
- Tom Cruise filmed his role during a break from shooting Eyes Wide Shut.
- The frogs were mostly made of rubber, though they did use some real ones for the close-ups.
- The movie features a hidden reference to the Bible verse Exodus 8:2 in almost every scene, which is the one about the plague of frogs.
- The painting in Claudia’s apartment is actually by the director’s father.
- In an interview with Marc Maron in January of 2015, Paul Thomas Anderson was asked if he had the opportunity to re-cut the film. He replied, “I’d slice that thing down. It’s way too fucking long. It’s unmerciful how long it is.” He added that “maybe a few” trajectories in the film’s plot lines could’ve been eliminated.
Photos
Trailer
Reviewers Notes
Heck of an opening. Just death death death.
Tom is hilarious, but its a little distracting I just see him as Tom acting rather than the character.
His hair extensions suck btw. They are almost a character in themselves.
Hey Thomas Jane as young Jimmy 🙂
You know Philip Seymour Hoffman and William H Macy are always great.
This Jimmy character sucks worse than Tom’s character, I really don’t care about any of these characters, every time I got close they changed scenes, just too much going on.
They really named a character Thurston Howell… from Gilligans Island.
In the same bar scene the video game Frogger is in the background 🙂
Jimmy’s wife is a grating biatch sometimes.
Paul Thomas Anderson wrote the bulk of the script during two weeks he spent at William H. Macy’s Vermont cabin – afraid to go outside because he’d seen a snake. I can tell.
This movie would have never been made without Boogie Nights as its success got New Line to agree to bankroll whatever Anderson wanted to do.
The entire film takes place over a period of 24 hours. In that time the worse the weather gets, the more frantic the pacing gets.
Even though Paul Thomas Anderson is a Valley boy through and through, Magnolia trades that laid-back, “surf’s up” California vibe for a raw, high-pressure energy that feels like a humid July day in Manhattan or South Philly. The constant swearing, the aggressive confrontations, and the gloomy, rain-slicked streets make it feel way more like an East Coast pressure cooker than a sunny day at the Santa Monica Pier.
OK this is a stupid choice of a scene having the people all sing a song. WTF was that its no longer real.
OK that Cruise deathbed scene was amazing.
The frog thing is both weird and makes no sense. It can happen, but not like that and not in LA
The website www.seduceanddestroy.com still works
Ugh I wasted three hours plus writing time for….. Can’t say I am a fan.