The Return of the King: More Walking, More Crying, More of Everything
Just when you thought it was safe to go home, as if the first one wasn’t long enough, now we’ve got another hour of hobbits, elves, and a whole bunch of stuff that was probably cut for a reason. So grab some more popcorn, a pillow for your neck, and whatever other supplies you need for a four-hour plus marathon, because the long walk is even longer now. Is it better? Who knows. It’s certainly… more.
They’ve added back in everything the director, a man with no concept of a deadline, had to cut out to get this monstrosity into theaters. We’re talking more scenes of people crying, more scenes of people walking, and a whole lot of backstory that you probably don’t need to know. It’s like getting a phone call from a relative who won’t stop talking, but instead of just hanging up, you have to sit there for another hour and a half and pretend you care. Young people today have no attention span, but even I, a man of my generation, am starting to feel my attention wane after the 15th ending.
Review by Ben Dover
I thought I was done with this saga. I gave the theatrical cut a decent review, even though it had more endings than a MASH* episode. But then they released this “extended edition,” and I had to watch it. For my job. It’s not a job, really, more of a hobby, but my wife said I had to have a hobby or get out of the house. So here I am, watching this thing again. And let me tell you, it’s a lot.
The biggest thing they added was the death of Saruman. You remember him, right? The wizard who went bad in the first movie? They cut his death out of the theatrical version, which was a dumb move. Christopher Lee, who played him, was so mad about it he almost quit acting. Now we get to see his big moment on top of the tower, and then he gets a sword in the back from his little worm-man. It’s a nice bit of closure, and it’s a good scene. But then Gríma Wormtongue gets shot by an elf, and it’s just… over. Why do these things have to be so dramatic?
They also added a bunch of other scenes that make the movie even longer. We get to see more of Gandalf’s speeches, more of the hobbits being… hobbits, and a whole new scene with the Mouth of Sauron. This guy is a human, but his face is all messed up and he’s got a big helmet on. He comes out to talk to Aragorn and the others and gets his head chopped off. It’s a pretty cool scene, but I’m not sure we needed it. It just makes Aragorn seem a little too quick to violence. I thought he was supposed to be the “good guy.”
But the worst part is the pacing. The theatrical version at least had a sense of urgency. This one feels like it’s taking a leisurely stroll. The scenes in the Houses of Healing, where Éowyn and Faramir get patched up, feel like a whole other movie. I get that it’s important for the characters, but for a guy sitting on his couch, it just feels like a good time for a bathroom break. And they even add a scene where Gimli and Legolas have a drinking contest, and then Gimli passes out. It’s supposed to be funny, but all I could think about was how much time this was adding to the movie. Who needs more of this?
So, is it better? Yes. But also no. It’s better because the Saruman scene is in it and it gives the film a proper ending for that character. But it’s also a pain in the butt to sit through. It’s like a four-hour wedding with an hour of bad toasts. The theatrical cut was a somewhat tight, if long movie, but this one is a bit of a bloated mess. It’s for the people who really, really love this world and want every last drop of it. I’m just a guy who wants to get on with his life. So for those of you who want an extra hour its great, for the rest of us, I really have to pee.
Ben Rants!
Starring
- Elijah Wood as Frodo Baggins: Still looks like he’s about to cry, but now we see him in an Orc disguise. He’s not very convincing.
- Sean Astin as Samwise Gamgee: Still the best part of the movie. He’s the one who gets things done.
- Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn: The king-to-be who now gets to behead a dude in a helmet. A little less noble than I remember.
- Ian McKellen as Gandalf: The wise old wizard who now has an even longer conversation with Pippin about the decline of Gondor. It’s like listening to my neighbor talk about his lawn.
- Christopher Lee as Saruman: The bad guy who finally gets his much-deserved on-screen death. Took long enough.
- John Noble as Denethor: The steward of Gondor who now gets to have a longer, more agonizing conversation about his son, Faramir. He’s a terrible father.
Special Effects and Music
The special effects are still great, but with the added scenes, you can see a few more of the seams. The CGI on some of the added battle scenes looks a little dated, but nothing that’s going to make you throw your remote at the TV. The music is also still fantastic, but now you just get to hear more of it. At some points, I felt like I was listening to a concert with a movie playing in the background.
Rating
★★★★☆ (4 out of 5 stars)
I’m sticking with my original rating. The added content is good, but the added length is a real killer. If you have nothing else to do with your life for four hours, this is the version for you. If you have a family, a job, or a hobby, stick to the theatrical cut. I do like the pretty pictures though 🙂
Synopsis and Plot Breakdown
This is the same plot as the theatrical cut, just with more… everything. The story still follows Frodo and Sam’s journey to Mordor and Aragorn’s fight for the throne. But now we get a prologue showing Sméagol’s murder of Déagol for the Ring, which really sets the tone for Gollum’s character.
The big new scenes include the aforementioned death of Saruman at Isengard, which was a huge deal for fans. We also see the Mouth of Sauron, a twisted ambassador, who tries to taunt Aragorn’s army with Frodo’s supposed death. Aragorn promptly beheads him. There’s a scene in the Paths of the Dead where Aragorn’s conversation with the King of the Dead is a little longer, but it doesn’t change much.
The battle of the Pelennor Fields gets a few more violent shots and some more gruesome deaths. We see more of the Houses of Healing, which is where Éowyn and Faramir meet and fall in love. It’s a sweet scene, but it really kills the momentum.
After the Ring is destroyed, we get a few more scenes of the hobbits returning home and celebrating. The end is still a series of goodbyes, but it feels even more drawn out here. It’s like a relative that just won’t leave after dinner.
5 Famous Quotes
- “You have no dominion here.” – Gandalf
- “I will not say, do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.” – Gandalf
- “The age of Men is over. The time of the Orc has come.” – Gothmog
- “The sea calls us home.” – Aragorn
- “The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air.” – Galadriel
5 Interesting Notes
- The “Mouth of Sauron” scene was filmed with a prosthetic that was so uncomfortable the actor’s lines had to be dubbed by another person.
- The scene where Gimli and Legolas have a drinking contest was inspired by a similar scene in the book. It was one of the most requested scenes by fans.
- The extended edition added about 50 minutes of new footage and over 300 new visual effects shots.
- Christopher Lee, who played Saruman, was the only cast member who had met J.R.R. Tolkien in person. He was disappointed his death scene was cut from the theatrical release.
- The Extended Edition of The Return of the King is the longest of the three films, with a runtime of over four hours.
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