Get ready, folks, for a tale of radioactive arachnids, angsty teenagers, and spandex that just doesn’t quit! This week, we’re diving headfirst into the web-slinging world of Spider-Man (2002), a film that promised to bring our friendly neighborhood hero to the big screen with more bells and whistles than a clown car at a circus. Will it be a sticky success or will it just leave us tangled in disappointment? Only one way to find out.

Remember back in my day, we had heroes like John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, men who knew how to handle a gun and didn’t whine about their feelings. Now, we’ve got kids in tights swinging around like a bunch of overgrown acrobats. But I guess for the youngsters these days, this is what passes for excitement. So, grab your popcorn, and try not to get any sticky residue on your nice clothes.

Review by Ben Dover

Alright, let’s talk about Spider-Man. It’s a movie. It has a guy who gets bit by a spider and then he can stick to walls and swing around. Groundbreaking stuff, I tell ya. Tobey Maguire plays Peter Parker, a whiny, socially awkward kid who constantly looks like he’s about to cry into a bowl of oatmeal. He’s supposed to be relatable, I guess, for all the youngsters who spend their time glued to screens instead of getting a real job. The whole “with great power comes great responsibility” line is hammered into your head so many times, you’ll be reciting it in your sleep. I mean, we get it, he’s got a moral compass. Good for him.

Then you’ve got Willem Dafoe as the Green Goblin. Now, that’s where the movie actually gets interesting. Dafoe clearly knew he was in a comic book movie and just went for it, chewing scenery like it was a three-course meal. His Goblin mask is still ridiculous, though. Looks like something my grandkids would cobble together for Halloween with a few leftover plastic bottles. But at least he’s having fun. It’s a shame the rest of the film isn’t as unhinged as he is.

The romance between Peter and Mary Jane is about as compelling as watching paint dry. Kirsten Dunst is fine, I suppose, but their chemistry is drier than a forgotten cracker. He pines, she’s oblivious, then she’s in danger, he saves her. Rinse and repeat. It’s the same old song and dance. Can’t these kids just get a cup of coffee and talk about their feelings like normal people? Oh right, they’re teenagers. They don’t know how to talk about feelings. They just mope and stare at their phones.

The action sequences are… well, they’re fine. Lots of swinging, lots of punching. Some of the CGI looks pretty dated now, which isn’t surprising. Back in 2002, we were still impressed by anything that didn’t look like a cartoon. Now, these whippersnappers expect photorealism in every frame. Give me a break. Overall, it’s a decent enough superhero flick if you like watching a scrawny kid learn how to be a hero. Just don’t expect Shakespeare.

Starring

• Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker / Spider-Man: The quintessential nerd who gets superpowers and still manages to trip over his own feet. He’s good at looking sad and conflicted.
• Willem Dafoe as Norman Osborn / Green Goblin: A brilliant scientist turned maniacal supervillain. Dafoe is the highlight, bringing a much-needed dose of theatricality to the proceedings.
• Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane Watson: The girl next door, the object of Peter’s affection, and apparently a magnet for danger. She mostly screams and gets rescued.
• James Franco as Harry Osborn: Peter’s best friend and Norman’s son, who’s got daddy issues and a penchant for brooding.
• Cliff Robertson as Ben Parker: Peter’s wise and unfortunate uncle, who delivers that line.
• Rosemary Harris as May Parker: Peter’s sweet and oblivious aunt, who makes the best wheatcakes.
• J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson: The loudmouth editor of the Daily Bugle, who hates Spider-Man and provides some much-needed comic relief.
• Randy Savage as Bone Saw McGraw: The perfect casting as he chainsaws through his part.

Special Effects

For 2002, the special effects were quite a spectacle. They did a lot of groundbreaking stuff with the web-swinging and all. It looked pretty good for the time, especially when Spidey was zipping through the skyscrapers of New York. You could almost believe a man could fly, or rather, swing. However, some of the CGI for the Green Goblin, especially that ridiculous suit and some of the more elaborate fight scenes, looks a bit plasticky now. It’s like watching a really fancy video game from twenty years ago. You can see where the money went, but also where the technology wasn’t quite there yet to make it seamless. Still, better than some of the garbage they churn out today with all their fancy computers.

Music

The score by Danny Elfman is pretty good. It’s got that classic superhero feel, big and orchestral, perfect for soaring through the city. The main theme is catchy enough, and the Green Goblin’s theme sounds suitably menacing. It’s the kind of music that pumps you up, even if the movie itself makes you want to take a nap at times. It certainly helps elevate some of the more dramatic or action-packed scenes. Without it, the movie might have just felt like an extended episode of a Saturday morning cartoon.

Rating

★★★★

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

Spider-Man (2002) tells the origin story of Peter Parker, a shy, nerdy high school student living in Queens, New York, with his Uncle Ben and Aunt May. He secretly harbors a crush on his next-door neighbor, Mary Jane Watson, who is dating the school bully, Flash Thompson. Peter’s only real friend is Harry Osborn, the son of wealthy and demanding Oscorp CEO, Norman Osborn.

The film opens with Peter on a school field trip to a genetics lab, where he is bitten by a genetically engineered super-spider. He dismisses it as a simple bite, but soon discovers he has developed incredible spider-like abilities: enhanced strength, agility, the ability to cling to surfaces, a precognitive “spider-sense,” and organic web-shooters from his wrists (a controversial change from the comics, if you ask me, but whatever). Peter initially uses these powers for personal gain, trying to impress Mary Jane or win prize money in a wrestling match.

During one such attempt, he lets a thief escape a wrestling arena after a dispute over prize money. Shortly after, this same thief carjacks and murders his beloved Uncle Ben. A devastated Peter vows to use his newfound powers to fight crime and protect the innocent, embracing his uncle’s dying words: “With great power comes great responsibility.” He designs a red and blue suit and becomes the masked vigilante, Spider-Man.

Meanwhile, Norman Osborn, under immense pressure to deliver a performance-enhancing super-soldier serum for the military, experiments on himself. The unstable formula gives him superhuman strength and intelligence but also drives him insane, creating a murderous alternate personality: the Green Goblin. Norman, as the Goblin, begins to terrorize New York, attacking the Oscorp board of directors who try to oust him and clashing with Spider-Man.

The Green Goblin offers Spider-Man a partnership, suggesting they rule the city together, but Peter refuses. This rejection ignites a fierce rivalry between the two. The Goblin learns Spider-Man’s true identity through a brutal confrontation and then targets those closest to Peter: Aunt May and Mary Jane. He attacks Aunt May, sending her to the hospital, and then kidnaps Mary Jane and a tram car full of schoolchildren, forcing Spider-Man to choose between saving his love or the innocent civilians. Spider-Man, with the help of the New Yorkers, manages to save both.

The film culminates in a brutal final battle between Spider-Man and the Green Goblin. During the fight, the Goblin reveals his true identity as Norman Osborn. As Peter struggles with the revelation, Norman attempts a sneak attack with his glider, but Peter’s spider-sense warns him, and the Goblin is impaled by his own glider. With his dying breath, Norman begs Peter not to tell Harry of his villainous alter-ego.

At Norman’s funeral, Peter and Harry mourn. Harry, not knowing the truth, vows revenge on Spider-Man for his father’s death. Mary Jane confesses her love for Peter, but Peter, fearing for her safety due to his double life, tells her he can only be her friend. The film ends with Peter accepting his destiny as Spider-Man, knowing that his path will be one of loneliness and sacrifice.

Famous Quotes

1. “With great power comes great responsibility.” – Uncle Ben Parker (and Peter Parker, in narration)
2. “You know, I’m something of a scientist myself.” – Norman Osborn
3. “That’s a cute outfit. Did your husband give it to you?” – Bone Saw McGraw
4. “Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I’m Spider-Man.” – Peter Parker (narration)
5. “I had to beat an old lady with a stick to get these cranberries.” – Peter Parker

Notes from the Movie

• The film spent over a decade in “development hell” with various studios and directors, including James Cameron, attempting to bring Spider-Man to the big screen.
• Tobey Maguire apparently had to bulk up considerably for the role, going from his usual skinny self to… well, still not exactly a bodybuilder, but better than nothing.
• The original wrestling opponent in the comics was “Crusher Hogan,” but for the movie, it was changed to “Bone Saw McGraw” played by the late great “Macho Man” Randy Savage. A smart move, who would want to mess with the Macho Man? OOOOH YEAH!
• The scene where Peter catches Mary Jane’s tray of food in the cafeteria was done without CGI. Tobey Maguire actually pulled that off on set, which I admit, is pretty impressive for a noodle-arm like him.
• After the September 11th attacks, a brief shot of the Twin Towers that appeared in the initial trailers was removed from the final film, and the ending scene was altered to feature a more general New York skyline.

Photos

Trailer