Ho-ho-holy reindeer droppings, folks! Just when you thought Christmas movies were more mind-numbing than just another typical Hallmark cheese-fest, along comes “Violent Night” to stuff your stockings with more action than a Black Friday stampede at the last Furby. This ain’t your grandma’s Christmas movie, unless your grandma’s idea of holiday cheer involves watching St. Nick turn bad guys into human fruitcake. Strap in, ’cause Santa’s coming to town, and he’s packing more heat than Rudolph’s nose after a bender.
David Harbour trades in his Stranger Things badge for a Santa suit that’s seen better days, and let me tell you, it’s a match made in Christmas chaos heaven. This gravy-blooded version of Kris Kringle looks like he eats cookies and milk for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and could bench press a sleigh full of PS5s. But don’t let the belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly fool you – this Santa’s got more tricks up his sleeve than an elf with a meth habit. “Violent Night” serves up a yuletide beatdown that’ll have you ho-ho-hoping for a sequel faster than you can say “pass the spiked eggnog.” So grab your popcorn, leave your good taste at the door, and get ready for a Christmas miracle that’ll make you feel guilty for enjoying it so damn much.
Review By: Ben Dover
“Santa Slays: ‘Violent Night’ Decks the Halls with Boughs of Carnage”
Let me tell you, I went into this flick expecting another half-baked Christmas cash grab, but ho-ho-holy crap, was I in for a surprise. This movie’s got more balls than a Christmas tree, and I’m not talking about ornaments.
David Harbour as Santa? Genius. The guy looks like he eats cookies and milk for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and could bench press a sleigh full of PS5s. He’s the perfect blend of jolly and jaded, like if your drunk uncle decided to play Santa at the family Christmas party, but could also roundhouse kick a reindeer. He’s the right mix of grumpy and reluctantly heroic, and watching him go full John Wick on a bunch of bad guys while covered in Christmas lights is oddly… heartwarming? It’s like, deep down, we all kind of want to believe Santa can mess someone up if he needs to.
Now, is the plot original? About as original as socks for Christmas. But who cares when it’s this much fun? It’s “Die Hard” in a Santa suit, and if that doesn’t tickle your tinsel, you might be dead inside. Watching St. Nick go full Rambo on a bunch of naughty list rejects is more satisfying than finding an extra present with your name on it.
The action scenes? Crisper than a winter morning and more inventive than an elf on a meth binge. Santa turns Christmas decorations into weapons so creatively, it’ll make you look at your tree topper in a whole new, terrifying light. I haven’t seen this much creative violence since I caught my neighbor trying to fit a 12-foot tree through his front door. People get impaled by icicles, electrocuted with Christmas lights, and—here’s the fun part—it borrows from Home Alone’s DIY trap-making. Except this time, the booby traps actually do real damage, not cartoonish paint-can-to-the-head nonsense. Watching criminals step into a literal wood chipper disguised as a Christmas trap? Chef’s kiss. The movie fully leans into its R-rating, delivering the kind of gory Christmas mayhem you never knew you needed.
Sure, the humor can be as crude as your cousin Eddie after too much eggnog, but it hits more often than it misses. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to hear Santa drop a few F-bombs while dropping bodies? It’s like they took every Christmas movie cliché, fed it steroids, and let it loose in a China shop.
Beneath the carnage and chaotic action sequences, there’s a surprisingly sincere Christmas movie hiding in there. It’s got heart. You almost start to care about the dysfunctional family being held hostage and their quest for survival. Almost. Even the kid in this movie, usually the weak link in these types of flicks, isn’t half bad. She’s got more sass than a teenager on TikTok, but somehow, it works. I found myself rooting for her instead of wishing for a silent night.
Now, is “Violent Night” perfect? Hell no. It’s got more cheese than a Wisconsin gift basket and some of the plot points are as thin as dollar store wrapping paper. But you know what? Sometimes you need a little naughty mixed in with your nice.
In a world full of sappy, cookie-cutter Christmas movies, “Violent Night” is like finding a shot of whiskey in your hot chocolate. It’s not for everyone, but for those of us tired of the same old sugarplum fairy tales, it’s a great Christmas miracle.
In conclusion, Violent Night is the ultimate guilty pleasure Christmas flick. It’s a mashup of action, dark comedy, and holiday spirit, all rolled into a bloody, festive ball. Sure, it’s absurd. Yes, it’s over-the-top. And absolutely, it’s the kind of movie you’ll only watch with people who share your sense of humor. But if you’ve ever wanted to see Santa Claus dish out holiday justice with a sledgehammer, this movie’s a gift you won’t want to return. So, grab your popcorn, leave your good taste at the door, and enjoy this gloriously gory Christmas romp. “Violent Night” gets four and a half blood-splattered candy canes out of five from this old Grinch. It’s the perfect antidote to saccharine holiday cheer, and the best time I’ve had at the movies since they stopped letting you smoke in the theater.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go reinforce my chimney. Can’t be too careful these days.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Santas. It loses half a Santa for making me feel guilty about enjoying it so damn much. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Notes:
Rating: R (Some Sexual References | Language Throughout | Strong Bloody Violence)
Runtime: 1 hour 52 minutes
Gross worldwide: $
Budget: $ (estimated)
Body Count: 43 (44 counting Santa’s brief death before resurrecting with Christmas magic)
Scrooge asks Santa Claus “All right, who the hell are you really, huh? Some security guard who’s watched too many action flicks?”, which echoes Hans Gruber’s question to John McClane in Die Hard (1988): “You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child?”
Santa’s powers are all based on belief. When even he is doubting himself, that’s when he has problems getting up a chimney or pulling the right gift out of his sack. When Trudy, and later Santa himself, begin to express belief in him, Santa finds himself better able to hold his own in a fight. Where in the beginning one mook was able to nearly kill him, when Santa gains a new hammer, he can now take on a squad of highly trained mercenaries with ease.
Many allusions to Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990): John Leguizamo as a terrorist. An army unit meant to save the day, is actually working with the terrorists. An icicle is used to kill a terrorist. Snowmobiles play a part in the ending.
When checking on Trudy Lightstone, Santa finds her on the Nice list. Her list includes hilariously that she “invited weird kid to party”
The logo on the catering company van is called “Farkus and Dill” after the bullies in A Christmas Story (1983).
Quotes:
Alva: Morgan’s going to save us.
Gertrude: Jean-Claude Van Dipshit just ditched us, sweetie.
Bert: Grandma, your Wi-Fi sucks dick. Dammit!
Gertrude: [to Alva] When he was small, I begged you to beat him.
Santa Claus: [after blowing up bad guy with grenade] Ho Ho holy shit.
Linda: [as they beat up Krampus] Well, it’s nice to do something as a family for a change.
Scrooge: Alright, who the hell are you really, huh? Some security guard who’s watched too many action flicks? Some loser ex-cop stuck in a mall playing dress-up with fat kids pissing on your lap? Stop me when I get it right.
Santa Claus: It’s a little more complicated than that.
Scrooge: Not to me, it’s not. Because I want to make it my personal mission, my holiday to-do list, to find you, and to end you, and to wipe my ass with you, and this whole fucking holiday. That’s what I want for Christmas, Santa.
Santa Claus: That is a terrible thing to want for Christmas. But maybe you and I should discuss that in person. Santa Claus is coming to town.
Critics Consensus:
Critics 73% Audience 88% Rotten Tomatoes
This ain’t your grandma’s Christmas movie, unless your grandma’s idea of holiday cheer involves watching St. Nick turn bad guys into human fruitcake. “Violent Night” serves up a yuletide beatdown that’ll have you ho-ho-hoping for a sequel faster than you can say “pass the spiked eggnog.”
IMDb: Violent Night (2022)
Rotten Tomatoes: Violent Night (2022)
Metacritic: Violent Night (2022)
Trailer: