Come for the time-traveling Vince Vaughn, stay for the cannibal hitman and the crushing realization that even in the future, your husband is still a loud-mouthed jerk.
Get ready for another one of those “genre-bending” movies that usually means the writer couldn’t decide if they wanted to write a comedy or a police report. Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice is crashing onto Hulu and Disney+, bringing along a time-traveling Vince Vaughn because apparently, one 6-foot-5 motor-mouth isn’t enough to fill the frame anymore. It’s a “buddy action comedy set in the criminal underground,” which is fancy talk for people in suits shooting at each other while making quips that your grandson probably thinks are “mid.”
The plot sounds like something cooked up after a three-day bender at a sci-fi convention. We’ve got mobsters, a time machine built by a guy who probably can’t find his own socks, and a love triangle that’s more like a love trapezoid once the second Vince Vaughn shows up. If you’re looking for a quiet evening of cinema that doesn’t involve a cannibal assassin or people arguing about Gilmore Girls while dodging bullets, you might want to stick to the evening news. But for those who like their crime dramas with a side of paradoxes and a lot of shouting, this is the main event.
Review by Ben Dover
Listen, I’m sixty years old. I remember when a “time machine” was just a DeLorean or a phone booth, and you didn’t need a PhD in TikTok trends to understand why people were hitting each other. But here comes Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice, a movie with a title so long I nearly fell asleep halfway through reading the poster. It’s directed by some guy named BenDavid Grabinski, one word, because apparently, spaces are too expensive for the youth today, and it’s a chaotic mess that, I hate to admit, actually kept me awake.
Vince Vaughn plays Nick, a loan shark who’s about as charming as a gout flare-up. Then, another Vince Vaughn shows up from the future to tell him not to kill his buddy Mike (James Marsden), who’s busy playing “hide the cannoli” with Nick’s wife, Alice (Eiza González). Naturally, instead of just talking it out like civilized people, they involve a time machine built by a guy named Symon – spelled with a ‘y’, because of course it is. It’s loud, it’s violent, and there’s a cannibal hitman named The Barron who looks suspiciously like Dolph Lundgren. I don’t know why we need a cannibal in a comedy, but hey, I guess the kids find “eating people” hilarious these days.
The acting is… fine, I guess. Vaughn does that thing where he talks really fast until you just give up and nod, and Marsden plays a guy so dim-witted he thinks chloroform is called “the wet rag thing.” Eiza González is there to look pretty and shoot people, which she does better than most. But the real problem is the music. The movie starts with a guy singing a song from a 1980s Disney cartoon about dogs in New York. Why? I don’t know. Maybe they ran out of actual songs. And don’t get me started on the Gilmore Girls references. I don’t want to hear two grown hitmen discussing Lorelai and Rory while they’re being hunted by a man-eater. It’s unnatural.
That said, the action is actually pretty decent if you can see it through all the “stylized” editing. They hide guns all over a party like they’re Easter eggs for psychopaths. It’s R-rated, which means plenty of blood for the ghouls in the audience, and it’s got enough energy to power a small city. I hated that I enjoyed the chemistry between the two Nicks, and I hated that the ending actually tried to make me feel something. If I wanted to feel something, I’d check my 401k. It’s a dumb, loud, colorful movie that shouldn’t work, but it’s better than most of the garbage they shovel onto these streaming apps.
Stars: ★★★☆☆
The Cast
- Vince Vaughn (Future Nick / Present Nick): Double the Vaughn, double the headache. He plays both a cold-blooded crook and a regretful future version of himself.
- James Marsden (Quick Draw Mike): The “other man” who is apparently an expert with a gun but a total moron with everything else.
- Eiza González (Alice): The wife stuck between two versions of the same grumpy husband and a handsome idiot.
- Keith David (Sosa): The big boss. If Keith David tells you to do something, you do it, because his voice sounds like rolling thunder.
- Jimmy Tatro (Jimmy Boy): The boss’s son who just got out of prison and dresses like he’s trying to audition for a 1996 rap video.
- Dolph Lundgren (The Barron): A cannibal assassin. He’s 68 and still looks like he could kick my teeth in.
- Ben Schwartz (Symon): The “scientist” who built the time machine. He spends most of his time being annoying and singing.
Special Effects and Music
The effects are mostly just blood squibs and people falling through glass, which is how God intended action movies to be. There’s some “time travel” shimmer, but it’s not Interstellar… thank heaven for that. The music is a bipolar mix of 80s pop and Oasis. They actually sing “Don’t Look Back in Anger” during a death scene. It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen since my neighbor tried to mow his lawn with a weed whacker.
Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown
The story kicks off when Jimmy Boy, the son of mob boss Sosa, gets out of the slammer. While everyone is partying, Nick (Vince Vaughn) discovers his wife Alice is cheating on him with his partner, Mike. Nick is a vengeful prick, so he sets Mike up to be killed by a cannibalistic hitman called The Barron.
Suddenly, Future Nick arrives from six months in the future. He’s realized that being a vengeful prick actually ruined his life and got everyone he cared about killed. He uses a time machine built by a nerdy guy named Symon to come back and stop himself. The two Nicks, Mike, and Alice end up on a run through the city, trying to dodge Sosa’s goons and the cannibal.
They eventually find out that Alice is pregnant with Mike’s kid, which makes things awkward for both Nicks. After a fake-out involving a special effects artist named Chet (played by Stephen Root), the real Barron shows up and gets blasted. The movie ends with a massive shootout at Jimmy Boy’s “welcome home” party. The good guys win, but Present Nick gets shot in the neck and dies, which causes Future Nick to vanish into thin air because of “science.” Mike and Alice are left to raise the baby, presumably wondering why they ever got involved with a guy who had a duplicate from the future.
5 Famous Quotes
- “It’s not ‘chloroform,’ Mike. It’s a wet rag with chemicals. Stop making it sound like a science project.”
- “I’m from the future. I’d tell you it gets better, but I’m literally here trying to stop you from being a total idiot.”
- “Does the cannibal have to stay for dinner? It feels redundant.”
- “We are not talking about Gilmore Girls while we’re reloading! Lorelai would never approve of this caliber!”
- “I’m my own worst enemy? No, I’m my own most annoying roommate.”
5 Interesting Facts
- The movie features a deep-cut Disney song from Oliver & Company (1988) in the opening scene.
- Vince Vaughn and James Marsden did many of their own stunts, which explains why they look like they’re actually in pain.
- The director, BenDavid Grabinski, previously wrote the Scott Pilgrim Takes Off series, explaining the cartoonish vibe.
- The final shootout is a deliberate homage to John Woo’s 80s action films, right down to the hidden weapons.
- Dolph Lundgren’s character, The Barron, was originally written to be much younger, but they decided a senior citizen cannibal was scarier.
Trailer
