From Suburbia to Samurai: The Tum-Tum Trilogy Continues with an All-Expenses-Paid Trip to Tokyo
They’re back! Rocky, Colt, and the human stomach Tum-Tum return in 3 Ninjas Kick Back, a sequel that proves lightning doesn’t strike twice, but a terrible idea can certainly generate multiple box-office returns. This time, the Douglas brothers ditch the booby-trapped living room for the streets of Japan. Grandpa Mori, the white-haired Yoda of ninjutsu, is heading home to participate in a big martial arts tournament and pass on a sacred, fifty-year-old dagger to the new champion. Naturally, this dagger is the key to an urban legend about a “Cave of Gold,” which has drawn the greedy eye of Mori’s ancient, vengeful rival, Koga.
The boys, who are apparently more dedicated to Little League baseball than ancestral duty—the nerve of today’s youth! miss their flight. However, a conveniently misplaced piece of luggage puts the valuable dagger in their hands, forcing them to use their grandfather’s credit card and their dubious ninja skills to fly to Tokyo and save the day. Expect more non-stop, cartoonish action, a baffling new cast for Rocky and Tum-Tum, and a whole new set of cultural stereotypes to cringe at. If you thought the original was loud and dumb, you haven’t seen what happens when you give those three little monsters a passport. Prepare your eardrums and your wallets; the kids will be dragging you to this one.
Review by Ben Dover
“Better?” You think a sequel to 3 Ninjas could be “better?” That’s like saying a second case of the flu is “better” than the first. It’s just more of the same bile, only now it’s been processed through the system twice, and it’s lost whatever minimal charm it had. The original made money, so naturally, the studio executives—who couldn’t tell a good screenplay from a grocery list—slapped this thing together. They even recast two of the kids! We have a new Rocky and a new Tum-Tum, which is Hollywood for, “We paid the original kids too little, and now they’re demanding a decent wage, so here are two cheaper knock-offs.” Only Colt, the middle brother, still looks vaguely familiar, and Victor Wong is back as Grandpa Mori, bless his confused, check-cashing heart.
The premise here is that Grandpa has to take a magical dagger to Japan, but some old rival named Koga wants it because it leads to a “Cave of Gold.” Oh, a Cave of Gold? Are we making a movie or writing the plot for a Saturday morning cartoon commercial? The boys, of course, are too busy with their championship baseball game to care about ancient family honor. That’s the modern generation for you—they’ll risk a man’s life for a Little League trophy. But, wait, a magical luggage mix-up puts the dagger in their hands, and suddenly they’re jet-setting across the Pacific using Grandpa’s credit card. The sheer financial irresponsibility of this movie is more criminal than the villains.
Speaking of villains, Koga is slightly more threatening than Hugo Snyder from the first film, but his henchmen are somehow dumber. We’ve traded the surfer-punks for a trio of wannabe grunge musicians named Glam, Slam, and Vinnie, whose main contribution is crashing a taxi and trying to kill an old man dressed as female nurses. Yes, you read that right. Female nurses. If that’s supposed to be comedy, I’m calling the retirement home. The boys run around Japan, fighting these clowns with even more ridiculous slapstick than before, and the movie manages to insult both American Little League and Japanese culture in one swift, clumsy kick.
I will grant it one thing: the movie goes to Japan. It looks marginally less cheap than the first one, which took place entirely in a suburban house. The inclusion of Miyo, a female martial artist who is genuinely competent, is a nice, albeit baffling, addition—she’s the only character who feels like she’s actually a trained martial artist, which makes the three mop-heads look even more pathetic. The final confrontation involves hang gliders, an earthquake in the Cave of Gold, and Koga apologizing after realizing his greed caused the cave-in. An apology! That’s how we end an action movie now? The only thing I apologize for is wasting an hour and a half of my life watching this garbage. Stick to the baseball game, boys. Your ninja career is a joke.
Starring Cast
- Victor Wong as Grandpa Mori Shintaro: Returns as the mystical, slightly doddering grandfather who now has a decades-long rivalry with another ninja and apparently carries ancient daggers around in his luggage like it’s a packed lunch.
- Max Elliott Slade as Colt (Jeffrey Douglas): The only one of the three brothers to return, keeping the “fast” title. He also gets the most screentime to be jealous of a girl who’s better at martial arts than he is.
- Sean Fox as Rocky (Samuel Douglas Jr.): (New Actor) The “solid” one is now a completely different kid. He’s mostly here to obsess over the new girl, Miyo, proving that even ninjas are slaves to raging hormones.
- J. Evan Bonifant as Tum-Tum (Michael Douglas): (New Actor) The new Tum-Tum has big shoes to fill, mostly in the stomach region. He maintains the same food obsession, which is the only consistent character trait in this entire franchise.
- Sab Shimono as Koga: Grandpa Mori’s old rival who now commands a fortress and a team of inept henchmen, all in pursuit of a magical golden dagger.
- Caroline Junko King as Miyo Shikigawa: A surprisingly capable young Japanese martial artist who helps the boys on their mission. She’s too good for this movie.
Special Effects and Music
The special effects are still mostly limited to people falling down loudly. Since they are in Japan, they manage to incorporate a few things like a hang glider escape that looks like it was filmed in a high-school gymnasium and some very obvious matte paintings of Japanese castles. The cave-in sequence at the end is pure, cheap, mid-90s special effects work—all dust, shaking camera, and not a single bit of genuine terror.
The music is, again, forgettable, blending generic action-movie sounds with a few traditional Japanese flutes to remind the audience, “Hey, they’re in Asia!” The worst offender, however, is the new group of henchmen, Glam, Slam, and Vinnie, who are supposed to be a band. Their “rock” music is the auditory equivalent of chewing aluminum foil. It is offensively bad, and a perfect soundtrack for a movie about three ninja-wannabes running around a foreign country on a stolen credit card.
Rating
1.5/5 Stars (One and a Half out of Five)
It’s a cheap sequel that missed its chance to be original and failed to capture the low-brow fun of the first. Less Home Alone traps, more running away from bad music.
Synopsis and Plot Breakdown
Synopsis: Rocky, Colt, and Tum-Tum are focused on their Little League Championship game, much to the chagrin of Grandpa Mori, who wants to take them to Japan to pass on a ceremonial dagger, the prize he won 50 years ago to the new champion. The dagger is sought by Koga, Mori’s old, disgraced martial arts rival, who believes it’s the key to the legendary “Cave of Gold.” After the boys’ baseball game is postponed and Mori leaves for Japan alone, they discover that a bag switch has left them with the dagger. The boys use Mori’s credit card to fly to Tokyo, where they are immediately chased by Koga’s bumbling nephew, Glam, and his two bandmates, Slam and Vinnie. They team up with a formidable young female martial artist named Miyo and eventually find themselves captured by Koga’s forces. They manage to escape, and a final confrontation leads to the discovery of the gold-laden cave, a fight between Mori and Koga, and a sudden, guilt-driven apology from the villain. The boys miraculously make it back to the States just in time for the rescheduled baseball game, which they win.
Plot Breakdown:
- The Distraction: The three Douglas boys are more concerned with their final Little League baseball game than a trip to Japan to honor their grandfather’s ancient tradition. Their game is postponed due to their own antics.
- The Dagger and the Rival: Grandpa Mori is set to deliver a dagger, won fifty years ago, to the Grand Master of a Japanese martial arts tournament. His lifelong rival, Koga, wants the dagger because it, along with a stolen sword, is the key to the mythical Cave of Gold.
- The Swap and the Flight: Mori leaves for Japan alone but accidentally takes Tum-Tum’s luggage. Koga’s inept henchmen (Glam, Slam, and Vinnie) mug Mori in Japan for the wrong bag. The boys discover the dagger is in their possession and use Mori’s credit card to fly to Tokyo to deliver it.
- Tokyo Troubles: In Japan, the boys meet Miyo, a highly skilled martial artist who helps them navigate the city and escape the bumbling henchmen. Colt is shown up by Miyo in a fight, which wounds his massive ego.
- Capture and Climax: After a series of chases and fights, the boys are captured and taken to Koga’s fortress, where Mori has also been taken hostage. The boys escape using hang gliders and head for the location of the dagger and sword’s hidden power.
- The Cave and the Apology: The group enters the Cave of Gold. Mori and Koga fight until Colt uses a ninja skill to jam Koga’s gun, causing an artificial earthquake. Koga realizes his greed is causing the cave to collapse, apologizes for being a terrible human being, and everyone escapes.
- Back for Baseball: Because of the time difference, the boys fly back to America in time to win their championship baseball game. Miyo, having tagged along, catches the final winning fly ball, somehow being allowed to play on the team.
Famous Quotes from “3 Ninjas Kick Back”
- “Hey, those Teenage Mutant Wannabes are after us!”
- “Don’t worry, Grandpa! Tum-Tum will murderize him!”
- “Ninjas never give up. And we never lose!”
- “You want to play ball, I’ll play ball!” (Said by a ninja before throwing a smoke bomb, because apparently that’s how you play ball in Japan.)
- “I’m starving. I can’t think on an empty stomach!” (Tum-Tum, about every five minutes.)
Interesting Notes from the Movie
- Release Oddity: This film was actually shot immediately after the first 3 Ninjas movie, making it a true sequel in terms of production. However, due to distribution issues, the second film, 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up, was delayed and ended up being released after the third movie, 3 Ninjas Kick Back. The timeline is as messy as the plot.
- The Recast: Michael Treanor (Rocky) and Chad Power (Tum-Tum) from the original were replaced by Sean Fox and J. Evan Bonifant, respectively. Max Elliott Slade (Colt) was the only brother to appear in the first three films.
- The Budget Jump: The production budget for the first film was a mere $2.5 million, which resulted in a massive profit. The budget for Kick Back ballooned to a reported $20 million, which it failed to earn back domestically, pulling in a measly $11.7 million. Clearly, money cannot buy good writing.
- The New Girl’s Competence: Miyo (Caroline Junko King) is the only character who demonstrates actual, believable martial arts skill. She is a distraction from the main characters, which tells you everything you need to know about the quality of the “ninjas.”
- A Familiar Director: The director, Charles T. Kanganis, later went on to direct Race the Sun (starring Halle Berry) and several episodes of According to Jim. I’m detecting a pattern of questionable creative choices here.
Trailer
The series goes downhill from here, if you can believe it. Next up is 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up here are the others if you are a glutton for punishment