Alright, another one of these found footage flicks landed on my doorstep. Honestly, you young folks and your shaky cameras. What’s wrong with a nice, steady shot? This one’s called V/H/S/Beyond. Sounds like they’re running out of numbers, so they just tacked on a “Beyond.” Probably beyond my understanding, that’s for sure. The previews make it look like the usual grab bag of spooky nonsense. Aliens, weird creatures, and probably a bunch of teenagers making dumb decisions. Just what the doctor ordered if you’re looking for a headache and a reason to yell at the screen.
They say it’s “pushing the boundaries of fear and suspense.” Yeah, just like my neighbor’s dog pushes the boundaries of my patience with its constant barking. Six “bloodcurdling” tapes, they claim. Six chances for me to roll my eyes and wonder what happened to a good old-fashioned monster movie. But hey, maybe, just maybe, one of these shaky snippets will actually be decent. Don’t hold your breath, though. This is probably just more of that “extreme action” and “bone-chilling vignettes” that today’s kids seem to eat up. Me? I’ll stick to my Matlock reruns, thank you very much.
Review by Ben Dover
Well, I sat through it. V/H/S/Beyond. And wouldn’t you know it, it’s another one of those anthology things where you get a bunch of short, shaky stories all crammed together. It’s like channel surfing during a lightning storm, except instead of bad sitcoms, you get glimpses of things that make you want to call your priest. Some of these “tapes” were so blurry, I thought my TV was on the fritz. Honestly, do these kids not know how to hold a camera still? It’s enough to make a fella seasick.
The first story involves some kind of alien abduction. Naturally, it’s all shaky-cam and jump cuts, so half the time you can’t tell if you’re watching a close encounter or someone’s home movies of a particularly rough airplane flight. Then there’s one about some animal rights folks snooping around and finding something…unpleasant. You know, back in my day, if you went poking your nose where it didn’t belong, the worst you’d get was a stern talking-to. Now it’s…well, let’s just say it involves more teeth than a politician’s smile.
Another segment features some poor sap who gets a weird helmet stuck on his head. Serves him right for messing with things he doesn’t understand. It’s all very frantic and loud, like most things these days. And don’t even get me started on the one with the stork creature. A giant, creepy bird thing eating babies? What in the Sam Hill is that all about? It’s the kind of thing that would give Norman Rockwell nightmares.
Look, I’m not saying it was all bad. There were a couple of moments that made me jump, I’ll admit it. But mostly, it was just a lot of noise and shaky images. It’s like these young filmmakers think that if they make everything blurry and loud enough, it’ll automatically be scary. Newsflash, kids: sometimes, less is more. You ever try watching a good Hitchcock film? Now that’s suspense. This? This is just a bunch of screaming and running around in the dark.
Who Stars In It
Being an anthology, there’s a whole gaggle of young actors I’ve never heard of in this picture. You’ve got folks like Phillip Andre Botello and Jolene Andersen popping up in some of these shaky segments. Seems like a lot of fresh faces, probably all glued to their TikToks when they’re not pretending to be scared on camera. There’s also a Kate Siegel in one of them; she’s been in some other horror things, I hear. Honestly, with the way these movies are shot, half the time you can’t even get a good look at their faces anyway. It’s all just blurry figures running from blurry monsters.
Special Effects
Well, for a low-budget horror flick shot on what looks like a potato, some of the creature designs weren’t half bad. That stork thing was genuinely unsettling, even if the whole concept was bonkers. There’s some decent gore here and there, if you’re into that sort of thing. Me? I prefer my horror a little more psychological, less…gutsy. But I suppose for the youngsters who get a kick out of seeing fake blood fly, there’s enough here to keep them mildly entertained. The special effects aren’t going to win any awards, mind you. They’re mostly practical, which I suppose is a step up from some of that CGI nonsense you see these days. Still, it’s hard to appreciate any of it when the camera’s shaking like it’s having a seizure.
Music
The music? What music? Mostly it’s just loud, screechy noises designed to make you jump. You know, the kind of stuff that makes my ears ring. There might have been a creepy lullaby in that stork segment, which was actually somewhat effective in a disturbing way. But overall, the soundtrack is less about creating atmosphere and more about just being abrasive. It’s like they think loud noises equal scares. Maybe it works on these kids with their rock and roll and their…whatever that other noise they listen to is. For me, it just sounds like a cat fight in a garbage can.
Rating
One out of five stars. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen, although a couple of the segments had a sliver of an idea. But the shaky camera work, the incoherent storytelling in some parts, and the general feeling that I’m too old for this nonsense drags it down. If you’re a young whippersnapper who likes their horror fast, loud, and blurry, you might get a kick out of it. For the rest of us, there are better ways to spend your time. Like, I don’t know, watching paint dry. At least that’s a steady shot.
Synopsis and Plot Breakdown
V/H/S/Beyond is the seventh installment in the V/H/S found footage horror anthology series. It’s framed by a narrative involving a Redditor who buys two VHS tapes at a flea market, supposedly containing evidence of an alien encounter. The film then unfolds through five distinct found footage segments found on these and other mysterious tapes:
“Abduction/Adduction”: A group of police officers investigating a series of baby disappearances stumble upon a dilapidated house. One officer, Segura, documents their mission. They discover a meteor that seems to be the cause of the incidents and encounter strange, mutated creatures called “Brooders” and a tall, singing alien creature holding a baby. They eventually find the missing babies in the attic, along with a large alien stork-like creature feeding on one of their fallen comrades before regurgitating his brains into a newborn.
Interlude 1: An interview with a ufologist, Dr. Horowitz, discusses the history of alien encounters and theories.
“Live and Let Dive”: A group of friends on a bachelor party dive trip encounter a monstrous, bioluminescent creature in the deep sea after one of them finds a strange, glowing object. They are picked off one by one by the aggressive creature.
Interlude 2: Dr. Horowitz discusses the “grey aliens” popularized by Whitley Strieber’s book Communion.
“Fur Babies”: Animal rights activists investigate a woman named Becky who runs a dog daycare and has taxidermies of her past pets. They discover she is a werewolf who keeps human “fur babies” in cages in her basement.
Interlude 3: Dr. Horowitz talks about different types of alien encounters and the fear of the unknown.
“Stowaway”: A woman named Halley smuggles herself onto an alien spaceship after her daughter is taken. She navigates the ship, encountering strange technology and eventually finds her daughter in a chamber with other children. She is then confronted by a tall, slender alien.
Interlude 4: Dr. Horowitz discusses the idea that aliens might not wish humanity well.
“Dream Girl”: A man named Zach wakes up in a field with missing fingers and no memory of how he got there. He hitches a ride with a farmer who is then killed by an alien. Zach tries to escape in the truck but is pulled into a spaceship by a tractor beam and attacked by the aliens.
The framing narrative concludes with the Redditor receiving digitized versions of the tapes via an anonymous email, further deepening the mystery of the alien encounters.
Famous Quotes
Since it’s all found footage and mostly screaming, there aren’t exactly a lot of memorable lines you’d put on a movie poster. But here are a few snippets that might stick with you, for better or worse:
- “What the hell was that thing?” (Said frequently by various characters encountering something horrific.)
- (Inaudible screaming) (Heard in pretty much every segment.)
- “Did you see that?” (Another common reaction to the unexplainable.)
- (Creepy alien singing) (From the “Abduction/Adduction” segment – less a quote, more an unsettling sound.)
- “We gotta get out of here!” (The universal line when facing imminent danger.)
Notes From the Movie
- This is the seventh film in the V/H/S franchise, known for its anthology format and found footage style.
- The film features six different directors across its five segments and the framing narrative.
- V/H/S/Beyond continues the trend of the series by blending different subgenres of horror, this time leaning into science fiction horror with the alien themes.
- The “Abduction/Adduction” segment features practical creature effects for the Brooders and the alien stork creature.
- Kate Siegel, who stars in the “Stowaway” segment, is known for her collaborations with director Mike Flanagan in horror films and series like The Haunting of Hill House and Midnight Mass.
About the Author
Ben Dover emerged from his viewing of V/H/S/Beyond looking like he’d just wrestled a bag of angry cats in a dark room. He grumbled for a solid hour about the “blasted shaky-cam” giving him vertigo and swore he saw more coherent storytelling on his old Betamax tapes. Dover suspects the filmmakers ran out of numbers for the title and just threw in “Beyond” as an excuse for the nonsensical plots. He was overheard complaining to his neighbor, Agnes, that the only thing truly terrifying was the thought that someone might try to remake The Exorcist using a TikTok filter. Dover now keeps a barf bag handy whenever he sees a movie trailer featuring someone holding a camera like it’s a runaway washing machine and considers his review a public service announcement for anyone over the age of 50 who values a steady image and a coherent narrative. He’s currently petitioning his local cinema to offer senior discounts on Dramamine.
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