New Jersey Slackers Take Over the Big Screen
In an era where Hollywood usually insists on shoving million-dollar explosions and chiseled jawlines down our throats, a little black-and-white flick out of a New Jersey convenience store is making a surprising amount of noise. Clerks, the debut feature from newcomer Kevin Smith, arrives in theaters with the kind of gritty, unpolished look that suggests the director spent more money on his daily habit of cigarettes than he did on the lighting. It’s a bold, foul-mouthed gamble that dares to ask the question: what if we just filmed two guys talking about nothing for an hour and a half?
The story follows Dante Hicks, a 22-year-old who looks like he’s already given up on life, as he’s dragged into work at the Quick Stop on his day off. Alongside his equally unmotivated pal Randal, who runs the video store next door, Dante navigates a gauntlet of bizarre customers, romantic catastrophes, and rooftop hockey games. It’s a “day-in-the-life” story that feels uncomfortably real for anyone who’s ever worn a polyester uniform and felt their soul slowly leaving their body while scanning a gallon of milk.
Review by Ben Dover
Listen, I’m 60 years old. I’ve seen the rise and fall of empires, the invention of the microwave, and now, apparently, I have to sit through a movie that looks like it was filmed through a dirty sock. This Clerks thing is being hailed as some “independent masterpiece,” but let’s be honest: it’s mostly just two kids whining about their lives. Back in my day, if you didn’t like your job, you didn’t make a movie about it; you just drank a scotch and developed an ulcer like a man.
That being said, I’ll admit the dialogue has a certain… bite to it. It’s crude, it’s nasty, and it’s probably going to give your grandmother a heart attack, but it’s fast. This Kevin Smith kid clearly spent more time in the gutter than in a library, and for some reason, it works. The way these two idiots, Dante and Randal, sit around debating the politics of Star Wars like it’s the Treaty of Versailles is both pathetic and disturbingly familiar. I don’t understand why the “youth” today find it so hard to just open a store shutter, but I suppose if your biggest problem is “snowballing”—don’t ask, I had to look it up and I regret it—then life is pretty easy.
The acting is… well, let’s call it “authentic.” That’s the polite word for “they hired their friends and paid them in pizza.” Brian O’Halloran plays Dante with the kind of perpetual “woe-is-me” face that makes you want to slap him, while Jeff Anderson as Randal is the kind of smart-aleck I would’ve kicked out of my shop in five minutes flat. They aren’t movie stars; they look like the guys who try to sell you a used muffler behind a bowling alley. But I guess that’s the point. They’re losers, and they know they’re losers.
What really grinds my gears, though, is how much I actually laughed. I hate that I liked some of this. The scene with the guy looking for the “perfect dozen” eggs is exactly why I don’t go to the grocery store anymore. People are idiots, and this movie captures that better than any high-budget drama. It’s mean-spirited, it’s grainy, and it’s cheap, but it’s got more heart than the overproduced garbage the big studios are pumping out. It’s a movie for people who hate people. Finally, something I can get behind.
Cast
- Brian O’Halloran as Dante Hicks: A man whose main hobby is reminding people he shouldn’t be at work.
- Jeff Anderson as Randal Graves: The friend we all have who is a total jerk but somehow keeps us entertained.
- Marilyn Ghigliotti as Veronica: The only person in the movie with a brain, which naturally means Dante doesn’t deserve her.
- Lisa Spoonauer as Caitlin Bree: The ex-girlfriend who provides the “drama,” if you can call it that.
- Jason Mewes & Kevin Smith as Jay and Silent Bob: Two local loiterers who prove that you don’t need a vocabulary to be a “cinematic icon.”
Special Effects & Music
Special Effects: Are you joking? The “special effect” in this movie is a sign made of cardboard that says “I ASSURE YOU WE’RE OPEN.” It’s shot in black and white because they couldn’t afford color film. It looks like a security camera tape from 1982.
Music: It’s a collection of “grunge” and “alternative” noise that makes me miss the Big Band era. Lots of distorted guitars and people screaming about their feelings. It fits the “I hate my life” vibe perfectly, I suppose.
Rating
3.5 out of 5 Stars (It would be 4, but I’m docking half a star because of that disgusting bathroom scene. Have some dignity, people!)
Complete Synopsis & Plot Breakdown
The film opens with Dante Hicks being woken up on his day off by a frantic call from his boss. He’s forced to cover a shift at the Quick Stop convenience store. Upon arrival, he discovers the steel shutters are jammed shut with chewing gum, so he hangs a makeshift sign to tell customers they are open.
The day is a revolving door of lunacy. Dante’s girlfriend Veronica brings him lunch and reveals she’s had… well, a lot of experience with other men (37, to be exact). This sends Dante into an existential tailspin. Meanwhile, Randal Graves, the slacker who “works” at the video store next door, spends most of his time at the Quick Stop insulting customers and ignoring his own job.
The duo deals with a “Chewlies” gum representative inciting a riot against smoking, a guy obsessed with finding the perfect egg, and the news that Dante’s ex-girlfriend, Caitlin, is getting married. Between the madness, they close the store to play hockey on the roof and attend a funeral for an old friend (which Randal accidentally ruins by tipping over the casket).
The climax involves Veronica visiting the store and accidentally having “relations” with a dead man in the darkened bathroom (don’t ask), leading to a massive brawl between Dante and Randal. In the end, after Jay and Silent Bob offer some surprisingly deep relationship advice, Dante realizes he’s the master of his own misery. Randal leaves, telling him, “You’re closed,” and Dante is left alone in the store he wasn’t even supposed to be at.
Funny Credits
If you stick around for the credits you get some funny stuff thrown in there, the caterer is listed as QuickStop convenience which basically means they just stole food from the convenience store while they were filming.
They listed Scott Moser as “Initial incompetent sound editor” before listing the actual editor
Boom was listed as “whoever grabbed the pole”
There’s more so pay attention at credit time.
Famous Quotes
- “I’m not even supposed to be here today!”
- “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the f***ing customers.”
- “37? In a row?”
- “I’m a firm believer in the philosophy of a localized universe. You should worry about your own 10 feet around you.”
- “I hope it’s not a mistake… to think that you’re actually going to do something with your life.”
- “You know, there’s a million fine-looking women in the world, dude. But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of ’em just cheat on you.”
5 Interesting Facts
- Maxed Out: Kevin Smith funded the $27,575 budget by maxing out several credit cards and selling his extensive comic book collection.
- Night Owls: Because the Quick Stop was a real functioning store, they could only film at night. That’s why the shutters are closed in the movie—they had to hide the fact that it was actually dark outside.
- The Rating Battle: The movie was originally given an NC-17 rating just for its vulgar dialogue. There is no violence or nudity in the film. It was eventually lowered to an R on appeal.
- The Alternate Ending: In the original script, the movie ended with a robber coming into the store and shooting Dante dead. Mentors told Smith it was too dark, so he cut it.
- Silent Bob’s Voice: Kevin Smith only gave himself the role of Silent Bob because he didn’t think he could memorize lines while also directing the film. In the first Clerks, Kevin Smith playing the aptly named Silent Bob doesn’t say a single word until the end of the film where he puts everything in perspective for Dante with the line: “You know, there’s a million fine-looking women in the world, dude. But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of ’em just cheat on you.” Personally, I think if your bar for a successful relationship is “she brought me a pasta dish,” you might want to aim a little higher, but hey, that’s New Jersey for you.
- The Lifetime Gross: Clerks made about $3.1 million at the domestic box office during its original 1994 run. If you count the international change they found under the couch cushions, the total worldwide theatrical gross sits at roughly $3.9 million. Now, $4 million might sound like a rounding error for a superhero movie today, but remember: this thing cost Kevin Smith roughly $27,575 to make. That’s a return on investment (ROI) of about 14,000%. In human terms, that’s like putting a quarter into a slot machine and winning a luxury sedan.
Photos
Trailer
Funny Bits
Listen, if I have to relive some of these scenes, I might as well get a drink first. This movie is basically just a collection of things that would get a normal person fired and potentially arrested, but since it’s “art,” we call them “bits.”
Here are the moments that actually made me chuckle, despite my best efforts to remain miserable:
The “Guidance Counselor” Cigarette Riot
There’s this fellow who walks in claiming to be a representative for a chewable gum company, but he acts like he’s a street preacher. He starts a riot in the middle of the store, handing out lung cancer brochures and getting a crowd of angry customers to start hurlin’ cigarettes at Dante. It’s the most New Jersey thing I’ve ever seen, a bunch of people who have nothing better to do than harass a guy making minimum wage because a man in a cheap suit told them to.
The Roof Hockey Intermission
Dante and Randal decide to close the store (which, again, they are supposed to be running)to go up on the roof and play hockey. They even get the local loiterers and some guy who was just trying to buy milk involved.
The “Perfect” Dozen Eggs
There’s a guy who comes in I think he’s a guidance counselor or at least that’s the joke they make, and he insists on checking every single egg in every single carton for cracks. He’s looking for the “perfect” dozen. He handles them like he’s performing surgery. It perfectly captures the absolute insanity of the general public. If I were Dante, I would have cracked the whole carton over the guy’s head, but I suppose that doesn’t make for a “quirky indie film.”
Randal’s “Customer Service” Skills
Randal is the hero we all secretly want to be. A lady walks into the video store asking for a specific movie, and Randal just stares at him, tells him the movie is terrible, and then starts listing off the most graphic, disgusting titles he can think of while this mother and her young daughter are standing right there. It’s crude, it’s unnecessary, and it’s the exact reason why I don’t let my grandkids go to the mall alone.
The “37” Meltdown
Dante spends about half the movie whining because his girlfriend, Veronica, told him she’s been with 37 people. He follows her out to her car, shouting “37!” at the top of his lungs like he’s calling out bingo numbers. Then, Randall says, “In a row?” It’s a stupid, juvenile joke, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t make me bark out a laugh.
The infamous “lost” scene
Back in ’94, when Kevin Smith was making this movie on a budget that wouldn’t cover the catering for a high school play, he had a scene in the script that was just too expensive to film. Since he couldn’t afford to shoot it, he just cut it out and hoped nobody would notice. Of course, fans notice everything, so it eventually became the stuff of legend.
The Animated Rescue
Because Smith can’t let a dead horse lie without beating it for a few more decades, he finally “restored” the scene for the 10th Anniversary. But since the actors were now ten years older and he still didn’t have a Hollywood budget for that specific bit, he decided to animate it in the style of the Clerks cartoon. It’s jarring as all get-out to see a cartoon plopped in the middle of a grainy black-and-white movie, but that’s the “charm,” I suppose.
The Plot of the Lost Scene
The scene takes place right after Randal tells Dante about the funeral of their old friend, Julie Dwyer.
- Dante and Randal actually go to the funeral home.
- While they’re there, Randal—being the absolute menace he is—starts fiddling with the bodies.
- He accidentally tips over the casket, and Julie Dwyer’s lifeless body spills out onto the floor.
- The duo panics, tries to shove her back in, and ends up fleeing the scene like a couple of common criminals.
This explains why, later in the movie, everyone is talking about a “commotion” at the funeral. Without the lost scene, you just have to take Randal’s word for it that he ruined the service. With the scene, you get to see exactly how much of a sociopath he really is.
The Core View Askewniverse Films
- Clerks (1994): The one that started it all. Black and white, cheap, and foul-mouthed.
- Mallrats (1995): A big-budget (by comparison) studio flick where kids hang out at a mall. It actually takes place the day before Clerks, for those of you who care about timelines.
- Chasing Amy (1997): The “serious” one where Ben Affleck falls for a girl and spends the whole movie talking about his feelings.
- Dogma (1999): Suddenly there are angels, demons, and God (played by Alanis Morissette). It’s a lot of theological debating for a guy who started with a movie about selling cigarettes.
- Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001): This was supposed to be the “grand finale.” It’s basically just one giant inside joke where the stoners go to Hollywood to stop a movie about themselves.
- Clerks II (2006): Dante and Randal are back, but now they’re older, sadder, and working at a fast-food joint called Mooby’s.
- Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019): Kevin Smith had a heart attack and decided he wasn’t done yet. It’s pretty much a remake of Strike Back but with more gray hair and cameos from every actor he’s ever met.
- Clerks III (2022): Randal has a heart attack and decides to make a movie about working at the Quick Stop. It’s “meta,” as the kids say, and surprisingly depressing for a comedy.
- The 4:30 Movie (2024): A more recent addition that follows three teens sneaking into movies in 1986. It’s a bit of a prequel-vibe to the whole Jersey obsession.
Then there is the short lived ABC series also called Clerks: The Animated Series. It lasted like 2 episodes for good reason, but is a much watch for fans, its not available much, but it is available in its entirety on archive.org