Superman III promised to be a thrilling continuation of the Superman saga. Instead, it delivered a confusing blend of superheroics and…Richard Pryor doing his best to look confused. The film attempts to explore the darker side of technology, but mostly it explores the darker side of bad comedy. Get ready for a cinematic experience that’ll leave you wondering if you accidentally wandered into a circus.
Review by Ben Dover
Ah, Superman III. Or as I prefer to call it, “The Day Christopher Reeve’s Career Cried for Help.”
Look, I get it. They wanted to lighten things up after the first two Superman movies. But this? This was like trying to make a steak by throwing a hot dog in the microwave. They took the Man of Steel and turned him into a…well, a guy who fights a giant computer. And not in a cool way, mind you. In a “did-they-really-think-this-was-a-good-idea” way.
Listen up, folks. I’ve been reviewing movies since before VHS was invented, and let me tell you something about Superman III – it’s what happens when Hollywood executives snort kryptonite and decide to make Richard Pryor the star of a Superman movie instead of, oh I don’t know, SUPERMAN.
First off, who in their right mind looks at the Man of Steel and thinks, “You know what this franchise needs? A slapstick comedian as a computer genius!” Richard Pryor is a comedic legend, don’t get me wrong, but watching him bumble through this script is like seeing your uncle try to explain TikTok – painful and completely unnecessary. Richard Pryor, bless his soul, tries his best, but he’s completely out of place. It’s like watching your grandpa try to breakdance.
Then there’s the villain. Not Lex Luthor. Not General Zod. No, no. We get Ross Webster, a discount-bin corporate bad guy played by Robert Vaughn, who apparently took this role while sleepwalking. His evil plan? Use computers to control the weather and coffee. COFFEE! I’ve seen more menacing threats from my neighbor’s chihuahua.
And then there’s the whole “evil Superman” thing, which they handle with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. It’s supposed to be a moral dilemma, but it just comes across as…well, dumb. The scene where Clark Kent fights his dark side in a junkyard could’ve been profound cinema. Instead, it looks like Reeve wrestling with his agent over why he agreed to this script. Though I’ll admit, watching Superman get drunk, straighten the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and blow out the Olympic torch was… mildly amusing. It’s the superhero equivalent of a midlife crisis.
The special effects? Let’s just say they make the original Star Trek look like Avatar. There’s a woman who gets turned into a cyborg in a sequence so terrifying it almost belongs in a horror film. Not because it’s scary – because it’s so badly done. My grandson’s school play had better production values.
As for the romance, Lana Lang is no Lois Lane. The chemistry between Reeve and Annette O’Toole has all the sizzle of wet newspaper. I’ve seen more passion in line at the DMV.
Look, I’ll give this movie credit for one thing – it isn’t Superman IV. That’s literally the only compliment I can muster. Superman III is what happens when a studio decides to make a comedy first and a Superman movie second. It’s the cinematic equivalent of putting ketchup on filet mignon. Honestly, I’ve seen better superhero movies made by kids with cardboard boxes. This film is a prime example of what happens when you let accountants run a superhero franchise.
Rating: 2/5 – One point for each time I actually laughed at a joke and not at how bad this was, and one extra because Christopher Reeve still somehow manages to make you believe a man can fly, even when the script suggests his career is crashing and burning.
Now somebody get me an aspirin. Thinking about this movie has given me a headache worse than Superman’s reaction to kryptonite.
Ben Dover has been banned from all computer repair shops after attempting to “hack” a toaster using a keyboard and a roll of duct tape, claiming he was trying to replicate Gus Gorman’s programming skills. His neighbor reports hearing him yell, “It’s synthetic kryptonite, I tell ya!” at a malfunctioning Roomba.
Cast
- Christopher Reeve as Superman/Clark Kent: The only one who seemed to take this seriously. Bless his heart.
- Richard Pryor as Gus Gorman: A computer programmer who accidentally stumbles into world domination.
- Annette O’Toole as Lana Lang: Superman’s childhood sweetheart, because apparently, we needed more romantic subplots.
- Robert Vaughn as Ross Webster: The evil businessman who wants to control the world. Because of course he does.
Special Effects and Music
The special effects were decent for the time, but the computer stuff was laughably bad. The music was forgettable, which is probably for the best. I really wish I could forget more of this film.
Synopsis and Plot Breakdown
Ross Webster, a corrupt businessman, wants to control the world’s weather using a satellite. He enlists the help of Gus Gorman, a computer programmer who accidentally discovers he can hack into anything. Gus creates a synthetic kryptonite that turns Superman evil, leading to a battle between Superman and his darker self. Eventually, Superman overcomes the evil influence, defeats Webster and Gorman, and saves the day. It’s a mess.
Famous Quotes
- “Nice weather we’re having, eh?” – Ross Webster (always with the pleasantries when he’s trying to rule the world.)
- “I’m not a bad guy, I’m just a computer genius.” – Gus Gorman (yeah, sure, kid.)
- “You’re a bad man, Ross Webster!” – Superman (real groundbreaking stuff there, Supes.)
- “I’m not sure what’s worse, the synthetic kryptonite, or this movie.” – Ben Dover (I added this one, because it’s true.)
- “This is worse than when they put pineapple on pizza.” – Ben Dover (Another true statement)
Interesting Facts
- Richard Pryor was reportedly paid a very high salary for his role, which probably explains why he tried so hard.
- The film was originally supposed to have Brainiac as the main villain, but the producers decided to go with a computer theme instead.
- The evil Superman scenes were reportedly difficult for Christopher Reeve to film, as he had to portray a character completely opposite to his usual portrayal.
- The film was a financial success, but a critical failure.
- There are many deleted scenes that add to the story, but would not have saved the film.
Photos
Trailer