Preview – A movie is so stupid that it circles all the way back around to being entertaining.
Get ready for the most ridiculous movie concept of the 1990s. Imagine a world where the FBI has the technology to surgically remove a man’s face and slap it onto another man’s skull like a wet paper towel. That is exactly what happens in Face/Off. John Travolta plays an FBI agent who hates a terrorist played by Nicolas Cage. In a plot that makes absolutely zero sense, they end up swapping faces, lives, and bad acting habits.
Directed by John Woo, this movie is an explosive carnival of nonsense. If you like your action movies loud, completely illogical, and filled with slow motion birds, this preview is your warning. Grab your popcorn and check your brain at the door because science, physics, and basic human anatomy have left the building.
Review by Ben Dover
Let me start by saying that kids today would probably watch Face/Off and complain that it is not realistic enough. Well no kidding. You have John Travolta and Nicolas Cage swapping faces. Cage is a skinny maniac and Travolta looks like he ate a few too many cheeseburgers. Yet somehow, once they swap faces, their entire body types miraculously match up. Nobody seems to notice that the FBI agent suddenly grew an inch and lost thirty pounds. I guess in 1997 we were just supposed to ignore that. And I did, mostly because the movie is so stupid that it circles all the way back around to being entertaining.
The acting in this movie is completely unhinged. You have Nicolas Cage acting like John Travolta acting like Nicolas Cage. Cage spends the first twenty minutes bugging his eyes out and acting like a mental patient who drank twelve cups of coffee. Then Travolta has to take over that role and he prances around trying to be a sleazeball. It is hilarious. They look ridiculous. If anyone in the real world acted like this they would be locked in a padded room before lunch.
Then there is the science. Oh boy. A laser cuts off a face in one perfect piece like a cheap Halloween mask. They drop it in some magic blue goop and slap it on the other guy. No scars. No swelling. Even the hair magically changes length and texture. And do not even get me started on the voices. They put a tiny microchip in their throats so they sound exactly like each other. I cannot even get my cell phone to connect to my car half the time, but these guys have magic throat chips in 1997. Give me a break.
The director is John Woo, a guy who apparently thinks every indoor shootout needs a flock of pigeons flying around. Why are there birds inside a church? Who is feeding them? It makes no sense. He also loves slow motion. If a guy drops a gun, it takes three minutes to hit the floor. But I have to admit, the action is exactly what you want when you are tired and just want to see things blow up. Bullets fly, boats crash, and everyone shoots a gun with two hands while jumping sideways through the air.
Overall, Face/Off is a magnificent trainwreck. You sit there feeling your brain cells dying, but you cannot look away. It is dumb, loud action from a time when movies did not try to lecture you about saving the planet or whatever nonsense people whine about on the internet today. They just wanted to show a guy getting shot in the chest with a speargun. I respect that. Plus they actually said the line “Looks like Elvis has left the building” in a direct reference to Leaving Las Vegas. You have to respect Woo for going 110% for everything.
The Cast
John Travolta as Sean Archer and Castor Troy. He spends half the movie acting like a grieving father and the other half rubbing his own face and acting like a total weirdo.
Nicolas Cage as Castor Troy and Sean Archer. He eats peaches, screams a lot, and acts like he forgot to take his medication. Classic Cage.
Joan Allen as Eve Archer. She plays the confused wife who somehow does not realize her husband is suddenly acting like a psychotic teenager.
Gina Gershon as Sasha Hassler. She is the tough mobster girlfriend. She does a decent job looking mean while everything blows up around her.
Dominique Swain as Jamie Archer. She plays the annoying teenage daughter who hates her parents. Just another reminder of why I cannot stand kids these days.
Special Effects
The practical explosions are great. Real fire and real cars crashing. None of that fake computer garbage they use in every movie now. However, the actual face surgery scene looks absolutely hilarious. It looks like they peeled a rubber mask off a dummy from a cheap magic shop. Also, every time a bullet hits a wall or a floor in this movie, a giant shower of sparks flies out. I am pretty sure drywall does not spark when you shoot it, but what do I know?
Music
They use loud, dramatic orchestra music every single time someone looks at a mirror. We get it, they have the wrong face. You do not need to blast the horns. There is also a scene where a massive, bloody shootout happens while “Over the Rainbow” plays in the background. I guess they thought they were being clever and artistic. It was mostly just weird.
Rating
4 out of 5 Stars. A movie so dumb it actually becomes a masterpiece. I am well aware that it is garbage, but it is beautiful garbage.
Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown
FBI Agent Sean Archer has spent years hunting down freelance terrorist Castor Troy. Troy killed Archer’s young son years ago, so Archer is very cranky about it. Archer finally catches Troy at an airport. Troy gets knocked into a coma, but right before that, he reveals he planted a massive bomb somewhere in Los Angeles. The only person who knows where the bomb is hidden is Troy’s brother, Pollux, who is in a high security prison.
To find out where the bomb is, Archer agrees to a top secret surgery to remove his own face and replace it with Troy’s face. He also gets the magic throat chip so he sounds like Troy. Archer goes into the prison looking like the terrorist to trick the brother into giving up the bomb location.
Of course, things go wrong. Troy wakes up from his coma without a face. He is understandably upset. He forces the surgical team to slap Archer’s face onto his head. Then he burns down the secret lab and kills everyone who knew about the mission. Now Troy looks like the FBI agent and goes home to live with Archer’s wife. Archer is stuck in a horrible prison looking like the world’s most wanted terrorist.
Archer eventually escapes from the prison. He meets up with Troy’s mobster friends and gets a bunch of guns. Meanwhile, Troy finds the bomb he planted himself and disarms it, making him look like a national hero. The two of them finally meet up for a massive shootout at a church full of pigeons. After killing about fifty people and blowing up the building, they chase each other on speedboats. Archer finally kills Troy with a speargun, gets his real face put back on, and goes home. He even adopts Troy’s kid at the end just to make things extra weird.
5 Famous Quotes
“I want to take his face… off.”
“I could eat a peach for hours.”
“It’s like looking in a mirror, only not.”
“Ready for the big ride, bubba?”
“I am Castor Troy!”
5 Interesting Facts
The movie was originally written for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. I would have paid good money to see those two try to act like each other.
The studio wanted to take the slash out of the title, but the director fought to keep it so people would not think it was a movie about ice hockey.
Nicolas Cage was terrified of heights, but they made him do a bunch of stunts up high anyway.
The director John Woo really loves pigeons. He put them in the church scene on purpose because he thinks they look cool flying around bullets.
Mark Wahlberg was offered the role of the annoying brother Pollux Troy, but he turned it down. Probably a smart move on his part.
Photos
Trailer
Review Notes:
This movie is so stupid that it circles all the way back around to being entertaining.
It starts with Cage playing an insane priest… not a stretch.
This opening action set piece in the airport is amazeballs.
You know whatever anyone wants to say about Nic Cage he goes 100 at all times. He makes Travolta look like Vinny Barbarino here as he just can’t keep up with Cage’s frenetic energy.
I’m not sure I have seen a movie with more good action.
Somehow this ridiculous movie comes around to be highly entertaining, just turn your brain off and enjoy.