Preview
Coming to video and streaming services this week is “Simon Birch,” a 1998 tearjerker about a tiny kid in 1960s Maine who believes God made him small for a grand purpose. Based very loosely on John Irving’s famous book “A Prayer for Owen Meany,” this movie trades in the novel’s complex politics and sharp edge for a massive dose of Hollywood sentimentality. If you are looking for a nice, quiet evening with a movie that will try its absolute hardest to force a teardrop out of your eye, this one is practically begging for your attention.
The story centers on twelve-year-old Simon, the smallest kid in town, and his best friend Joe, a boy searching for the identity of his secret biological father. Together, they cause chaos at Sunday school, deal with town gossips, and handle life in a sleepy village. Directed by Mark Steven Johnson, it features a surprisingly stacked cast including Ashley Judd, Oliver Platt, David Strathairn, and even Jim Carrey showing up in a wraparound story to look serious for five minutes.
Review by Ben Dover
Listen, I sat down on my sofa, popped this thing on, and within ten minutes I felt like I was being force-fed a five-pound bag of white sugar. “Simon Birch” is the kind of movie Hollywood loves to churn out when they want to trick you into thinking you are watching something deep. They grab a kid with a rare condition, wrap him in 1960s nostalgia, play some soulful horn music in the background, and expect grown adults to sob into their popcorn. I don’t buy it for a second.
The whole plot hinges on this kid, Simon, played by Ian Michael Smith. Simon wanders around town telling everybody that God has a special plan for him. Back in my day, if a kid walked around talking like a tiny prophet, we didn’t write movie scripts about him; we told him to go mow the lawn. But here, everyone treats him like a walking miracle, except for his parents, who act like he is a piece of unwanted luggage left on the front porch. His best buddy is Joe Wentworth, played by Joseph Mazzello, who spends the entire movie trying to figure out who knocked up his mother, played by Ashley Judd.
Now, Ashley Judd is fine in this, and Oliver Platt plays the goofy drama teacher who is actually the only likeable adult in the whole state of Maine. But then the movie gives us the most absurd plot twist imaginable. Simon hits a foul ball during a Little League game and accidentally kills Joe’s mother. You heard me right. A foul ball. Out of all the places in North America for a baseball to land, it strikes the nicest lady in town right in the temple. It is so ridiculously over-the-top that I actually laughed out loud, which my wife told me made me a heartless monster.
And don’t get me started on Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey plays the grown-up version of Joe, standing by a grave at the beginning and the end, narrating the whole thing in a whispery voice like he is trying to win an Oscar for Standing Near Dirt. Today’s kids probably think Jim Carrey is just the guy from those video game movies with the blue hedgehog, but back then he was trying real hard to prove he could do drama. He should have stuck to talking out of his rear end if you ask me.
By the time we get to the big climax where a school bus goes into an icy river, the movie is practically screaming at you to care. Is it awful? No, I’ve seen worse. The kids actually do a decent job acting, and Oliver Platt saves a few scenes from drowning in syrup. But if you have an allergy to shameless emotional manipulation, keep a box of tissues or a stiff drink nearby.
Who Stars in the Movie
- Ian Michael Smith as Simon Birch: The main kid. This was his very first movie role. He was actually born with Morquio syndrome, which is why he was so small, and he does a solid job delivering lines even when the script gets sappy.
- Joseph Mazzello as Joe Wentworth: Simon’s loyal best friend. You might remember him as the kid getting shocked on the electric fence in “Jurassic Park.” He does most of the heavy emotional lifting here.
- Ashley Judd as Rebecca Wentworth: Joe’s sweet, unwed mother who is loved by the whole town right up until a baseball ruins her afternoon.
- Oliver Platt as Ben Goodrich: A warm-hearted drama teacher who dates Joe’s mom and turns out to be the only guy in town with a decent head on his shoulders.
- David Strathairn as Reverend Russell: The local minister who looks like he hasn’t smiled since 1942. He spends the movie frowning at children and hiding a secret.
- Jim Carrey as Adult Joe Wentworth: Shows up in a suit at a cemetery to do bookend narration so the studio could put his name on the poster.
Financials
- Budget
- $30,000,000 (estimated)
- Gross US & Canada
- $18,253,415
- Opening weekend US & Canada
- $3,321,370
- Sep 13, 1998
- Gross worldwide
- $18,253,415
Special Effects and Music
There aren’t really special effects here unless you count a rubber armadillo or some fake winter snow during the Christmas play sequence. The bus crash into the frozen water looks okay for a late 90s budget, though you can tell they were working in a giant water tank for half of it.
The musical score was written by Marc Shaiman, and it is doing overtime. Every time something slightly sad happens, the piano starts tinkling. Every time something whimsical happens, a flute starts chirping. There are also plenty of classic 1960s R&B tunes thrown in like Marvin Gaye and Smokey Robinson to remind you every five minutes that it’s 1964.
Rating
2.5 out of 5 Stars
Half a star extra because Oliver Platt made me chuckle once or twice, but otherwise it is pure Hollywood sap. It’s basically two hours of Hollywood trying to force you to cry. Don’t let ’em win!
Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown
The movie opens in the present day with an adult Joe Wentworth visiting a gravestone in a small town cemetery. He starts narrating about his childhood best friend, Simon Birch, who was the smallest baby ever born in Gravestown, Maine.
Flashback to 1964. Simon Birch is twelve years old and tiny due to a rare condition. His own parents ignore him, but his best friend Joe and Joe’s mother, Rebecca, treat him like family. Joe does not know who his real father is because Rebecca refuses to tell anyone. Simon believes God made him small for a special reason and that he is destined to be a hero.
During a Little League game, Simon hits a ball that flies into the stands and hits Rebecca right in the temple, killing her instantly. Distraught, Simon gives Joe his prized baseball card collection as an apology, and Joe gives Simon his favorite stuffed armadillo. Joe’s grandmother tells him that since his mother is gone, he will need a real guardian soon. Joe and Simon spend time trying to figure out who Joe’s biological father is, sneaking into places and looking for clues.
At winter time, the church puts on a Christmas pageant. Simon is cast as Baby Jesus, but he gets overly excited, makes a scene with the girl playing Mary, and causes total chaos. The stern Reverend Russell suspends Simon from church activities. Shortly after, Joe confronts Reverend Russell and discovers that the minister himself is actually his biological father, though Russell was too ashamed to ever admit it publicly.
On the way back from a church winter retreat, the school bus driver swerves to avoid a deer and crashes the bus into a freezing lake. Water fills the bus, and the driver abandons the kids. Simon takes control, using his small size to crawl through a emergency window and help get all the children out to safety. He rescues the last child but stays in the icy water too long and collapses.
In the hospital, Simon wakes up long enough to talk to Joe. He is happy that he finally fulfilled his destiny from God, tells Joe to keep his baseball cards, and quietly dies. Later that year, Joe is officially adopted by Ben Goodrich. The movie ends back in the present with adult Joe remembering his friend.
5 Famous Quotes
- Simon Birch: “I am a miracle!”
- Simon Birch: “God made me this way for a reason!”
- Joe Wentworth: “Your hit killed my mother!”
- Simon Birch: “I’m sorry!”
- Adult Joe Wentworth: “I am doomed to remember a boy with a fractured voice. Not because of his size, but because he is the reason I believe in God.”
- Joe Wentworth: “My balls just turned into prunes!”… Simon Birch: “My balls just turned into raisins!”
- Simon Birch: “Sex makes people crazy!” The ki
5 Notes and Interesting Facts
- The Book Title Change: The movie is loosely based on John Irving’s famous 1989 novel A Prayer for Owen Meany. Irving didn’t think his book could be made into a good movie, so he insisted they change the character names and the title. He actually suggested the name “Simon Birch” himself.
- Reused Uniforms: The baseball uniforms worn by the boys’ Little League team in this movie were the exact same uniforms used by the rival team in the classic 1993 movie The Sandlot.
- One and Done: Ian Michael Smith, who played Simon Birch, never acted in another feature film after this. He went on to study computer science in college instead of staying in Hollywood.
- Father and Son Again: This was the second movie where actors David Strathairn and Joseph Mazzello played father and son. Their first movie together was the 1994 thriller The River Wild.
- Jim Carrey’s Uncredited Cameo: Jim Carrey took the small narrator role for very little pay because he wanted to work on a more serious dramatic project right after finishing The Truman Show.
Photos
Trailer
Review Notes
1998 Simon Birch
OK we open up in church
Sunday school teacher snapping brings back memories
Your mother has the best breasts of all the mothers
He’s got it bad for Mrs wentworth
Good use of soundtrack
God has a plan for everyone. Tagline for this movie.
We sure this isn’t a ABC family original
Ridiculous death scene
Oliver Platt and Simon’s one liners are saving this movie From one star.
The longer this runs the more I like Oliver Platt’s character.
It’s a little on the long side, we get the point. I’m guessing Andy is watching this at like 4x
The kids in this play uncomfortable church very well, they all want to be Shepards lol
Most of these people are kind of assholes to Simon, he’s a damn human being not a toy.
The play devolving is hilarious.
Banned from church lol
The kid that plays Simon is fantastic, shame he gave up acting.
Reverend dad
Simons a hero
He dies… saw that coming
I’m glad I watched it but…. Sappy tv movie crap
Never cried but felt some stuff, too predictable not a bad movie though just manipulative. Feels exactly like all religion does to me. The take my baseball cards and share them with Ben was as close as I got to crying.
I will say Simon doesn’t know how to die properly, can’t hold it against him, but he couldn’t stop his eyes from twitching 😉