Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is the fifth and final installment in the Indiana Jones film series, released on June 30, 2023.
Harrison Ford is back as Indiana Jones, but is this adventure worth taking?
The year is 1969, and the world has changed. The space race is on, and the Cold War is in full swing. But some things never change, like the thrill of adventure. And who better to deliver that thrill than Indiana Jones? In this latest installment, Indy is called upon to stop Dr. Jürgen Voller, a former Nazi working for NASA from obtaining a powerful artifact called the Dial of Destiny, that could change the course of history. But this time, he’s not alone. He’s joined by his goddaughter, Helena Shaw, played by Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Together, they must race against time to save the world. But will they be able to stop the Nazis before it’s too late?
Review: The Adventure That Should’ve Stayed in the Warehouse
Rating: 3.5/5 Whips (Extra half whip for Harrison Ford still being able to throw a punch at 80)
Listen up, you young whippersnappers who think Marvel invented action heroes. Indiana Jones is back for one last ride, and it’s about as necessary as my fourth marriage. Harrison Ford returns at the spry age of 80 to crack his whip one final time, proving that some archaeologists just don’t know when to retire.
The movie opens with a de-aged Ford fighting Nazis in 1944, looking like someone tried to iron out his wrinkles in Photoshop. The effect is about as convincing as my last hair transplant. It’s like watching a wax figure come to life and punch people. The technology might be impressive, but so is my neighbor’s Christmas light display – doesn’t mean I want to stare at it for 20 minutes.
Phoebe Waller-Bridge plays Helena Shaw, Indy’s goddaughter, who’s about as charming as a root canal. She’s supposed to be the new blood in the franchise, but she comes across like someone who learned archaeology from watching YouTube tutorials. Her constant quips make me miss Short Round, and I never thought I’d say that.
The plot revolves around something called the Dial of Destiny, because apparently all the good ancient artifacts were already used in the previous movies. It’s some kind of time-travel MacGuffin created by Archimedes, because that’s exactly what the Indiana Jones franchise needed – time travel. Next thing you know, they’ll have Indy fighting dinosaurs… oh wait, that actually happens. Sort of.
Mads Mikkelsen plays the villain, a Nazi scientist turned NASA engineer, because this movie needed to check every possible box. He’s actually pretty good, but then again, he could read my grocery list and make it sound menacing. The man’s got more charm than all the Bond villains combined, even when he’s spouting nonsense about paradoxes and time loops.
The action sequences are like watching someone try to recreate the greatest hits of the original trilogy, but with more CGI than a Marvel movie. Remember when Indy used to solve problems with his wit and his whip? Now he’s outrunning digital explosions and fighting in zero gravity. It’s like someone threw “2001: A Space Odyssey” into a blender with “Raiders” and hit puree. I do have to give Ford credit though, for much of the movie I fell into believing he could really do some of this stuff that no 80 year old can.
Bottom Line: It’s not the years, honey, it’s the mileage – and this franchise has more miles on it than my first Oldsmobile. Ford gives it his all, but some treasures should stay buried. Now, I’m not saying this movie is all bad. There are some decent action sequences, and the special effects are pretty good. But the plot is about as thin as a politician’s promise. And the dialogue is so cheesy, it could give you a lactose intolerance. I mean, come on! “Nazis? I hate these guys!” Really? That’s the best they could come up with? Overall, I’d give this movie 3.5 out of 5 stars. It’s not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s definitely not the best. If you’re a die-hard Indiana Jones fan, you might enjoy it. But if you’re looking for a good movie, you might want to look elsewhere.
Fun Fact: Harrison Ford was 79 during filming, making him the oldest action hero since… well, Harrison Ford in the last movie he made.
Memorable Quote: “I don’t believe in magic, but a few times in my life, I’ve seen things. Things I can’t explain.” – Indiana Jones, apparently forgetting he’s seen enough supernatural events to fill a paranormal encyclopedia.
Best Scene: The opening chase through 1969 New York City, if only because it reminds us what these movies used to be like before they went full sci-fi.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go explain to my grandkids why archaeologists don’t typically fight Nazis in space.
Ben Dover has been banned from several archaeological societies for suggesting that their work would be more interesting with more whip-cracking. His wife agrees but won’t specify why.
Some cooler aspects of the film include:
- Time travel elements: The Dial of Destiny is an Antikythera mechanism built by Archimedes that can reveal time fissures.
- Action sequences: The movie features classic Indiana Jones-style chases and adventures, including scenes in Tangier and Greece.
- Historical settings: The story spans from World War II to 1969, incorporating events like the Apollo 11 moon landing.
- Returning characters: Besides Indiana Jones, the film brings back familiar faces such as Sallah and Marion Ravenwood.
Starring:
- Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones
- Phoebe Waller-Bridge as Helena Shaw
- Mads Mikkelsen as Jürgen Voller
- Antonio Banderas as Renaldo
- John Rhys-Davies as Sallah1
- Toby Jones as Basil2 Shaw
Special Effects:
The special effects are pretty good, especially the de-aging scenes with Harrison Ford. I mean, it’s still Harrison Ford, but he looks a lot younger. It’s kind of creepy, but also kind of cool.
Music:
The music is by John Williams, but it’s not his best work. It’s still pretty good, but it’s not as memorable as his previous Indiana Jones scores. It’s like John Williams just phoned it in. I mean, I know the guy’s getting up there in years, but come on! This is Indiana Jones! We deserve better than this!
Synopsis and Plot Breakdown:
In 1944, Indiana Jones and his colleague Basil Shaw steal the Antikythera, a device created by Archimedes that supposedly can locate fissures in time. They are pursued by Nazi Jürgen Voller, who wants to use the device to change history and win World War II. Twenty-five years later, in 1969, Jones is pulled into another adventure when Basil’s daughter, Helena Shaw, shows up and reveals that her father was obsessed with the Antikythera. She steals half of the device and sets off to find the other half, with Jones in hot pursuit. They are again pursued by Voller, who is now working for NASA. Jones and Shaw travel the globe, following clues left by Basil, and eventually find the other half of the device. They then use it to travel back in time to 212 BC, where they confront Voller and stop him from changing history.
Famous Quotes:
- “Nazis? I hate these guys!” – Indiana Jones
- “If you want to go to Sicily, I’m not going to stand in your way.” – Indiana Jones
- “I’m not a hero. I’m just a guy who likes to get into trouble.” – Indiana Jones
- “It’s not the years, honey. It’s the mileage.” – Indiana Jones
- “This is it. This is where it all ends.” – Indiana Jones
- “You should have stayed in NY” Voller “You should have stayed out of Poland” – Indiana Jones
Notes:
- This is the fifth and final Indiana Jones movie.
- I really want one of those little Tuk-Tuks, they look like a blast.
- De-aging has gotten a lot better in the last few years it still feels a little off, but is so much better than it was before.
- The movie was filmed in various locations around the world, including the United Kingdom, Morocco, and Italy.
- The movie features a de-aged Harrison Ford in several scenes.
- The movie’s soundtrack was composed by John Williams, who has scored all five Indiana Jones movies.
- The movie was released in the United States on June 30, 2023.