Director Gore Verbinski, the man who gave us those pirate movies and that creepy girl in the well, is back with a sci-fi headache titled Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die. Set in a grimy Los Angeles diner, the film throws a manic time traveler into a room full of ordinary people and tells them the world is ending because someone couldn’t stop scrolling on their phone. It’s a high-concept gamble that tries to mix dark satire with an action-packed race against time, all while wagging a finger at our digital obsessions.

The story centers on a ragtag group of diner patrons who are forced into a six-block trek to stop a nine-year-old from accidentally birthing a digital god. With a cast led by the always-erratic Sam Rockwell, the film promises a sensory overload of “quirkcore” energy and practical effects. Whether audiences are ready for a lecture on AI wrapped in a Michael Bay-style explosion remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: it’s the loudest thing in theaters this February.

Review by Ben Dover

I went into the theater to see Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die and left feeling like I’d just been mugged by a group of theater students in a RadioShack. Sam Rockwell shows up looking like he crawled out of a dumpster behind a Best Buy, wearing a “time-travel suit” that looks like it’s made of vacuum cleaner hoses and Christmas lights. He starts screaming at everyone in a diner about the “singularity” and “AI slop,” and honestly, he sounds exactly like my nephew at Thanksgiving after two craft beers.

The whole premise is that we’re all doomed because we’re too busy looking at our phones to notice the world is ending. Groundbreaking stuff, Gore. Really original. I’ve been telling people for ten years that their iPhones are turning their brains into oatmeal, but nobody gave me twenty million dollars to say it. The movie spends half its time lecturing you and the other half throwing giant, man-eating cat creatures and guys in knitted pig masks at the screen. It’s like the director couldn’t decide if he wanted to be Stanley Kubrick or a guy making YouTube pranks.

The cast is actually too good for this nonsense. You’ve got Michael Peña and Zazie Beetz playing teachers who have to fight off a horde of TikTok-addicted teenagers. I’ve met teenagers today; you don’t need a sci-fi virus to make them look like zombies—just turn off the Wi-Fi. Then there’s Juno Temple as a grieving mother with a “cloned” son who tries to sell her detergent every hour. It’s dark, it’s depressing, and it made me want to go home and throw my television into the street.

Even the things I liked annoyed me. The movie is clearly anti-AI, which I appreciate because I don’t want a toaster telling me how to live my life. But the way it delivers the message is so “on the nose” it practically breaks your bridge. It’s got that “quirky” vibe where characters say things like “survive the calorie burn of a temporal rift.” Who talks like that? Not people I want to know. It’s trying so hard to be Everything Everywhere All At Once, but it ends up being Everything Loud All At Once.

In the end, it’s a mess, but I’ll give it this: it isn’t boring. It’s a practical-effects fever dream that actually bothered to build sets instead of just filming in front of a green sheet. It’s got a bit of heart buried under the tube-filled plastic robes, even if the ending feels like the writer just gave up and hit the “reset” button. If you like watching Sam Rockwell dance-walk through an apocalypse while lecturing you on data privacy, you’ll love it. Me? I’m going to go sit in a dark room with a rotary phone and recover.

The Stars of the Show

• Sam Rockwell (The Man from the Future): He’s basically playing Sam Rockwell if he hadn’t slept for three weeks. He’s fun to watch, but I wouldn’t trust him to house-sit.
• Haley Lu Richardson (Ingrid): She’s “allergic” to Wi-Fi. Finally, a character I can relate to! She’s the only one who feels like a real person in this neon circus.
• Michael Peña & Zazie Beetz (Mark & Janet): Two teachers who have clearly had enough of your kids. Their scene with the “cellphone jammers” is the most cathartic thing I’ve seen all year.
• Juno Temple (Susan): Brings a surprising amount of genuine sadness to a movie that features a giant CGI cat.
• Asim Chaudhry (Scott): An Uber driver who gets dragged into the apocalypse. He’s mostly there for a joke at the end, which I saw coming from three blocks away.

Special Effects and Music

Verbinski apparently hates computers as much as I do, because he used a lot of “practical” tricks. The weird temporal shifts look like someone playing with a projector, which is a nice change from the usual digital mush. The music by Geoff Zanelli is loud, fast, and sounds like a drum set falling down a flight of stairs—in a good way, I guess. It keeps the pace up, even when the plot starts to trip over its own shoelaces.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Stars

It’s a loud, preachy, chaotic bowl of sci-fi soup. I hated the message but liked the mess. Better than a Barbie doll, at least.

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

The movie opens at Norm’s Diner in Los Angeles. A disheveled man (Rockwell) claiming to be from the future bursts in, announcing that humanity has been enslaved by a rogue AI because we spent too much time on social media. This is his 117th attempt to save the world. He needs a specific combination of people from the diner to complete a six-block trek to stop the AI’s creator—a nine-year-old boy.

The group includes Mark and Janet (teachers), Susan (a grieving mother), Ingrid (a girl “allergic” to technology), and Scott (an Uber driver). As they leave, the police surround the place, and we see flashbacks of the characters’ lives being ruined by tech: Mark and Janet being hunted by their own phone-obsessed students, and Susan dealing with a “cloned” version of her dead son that is basically a walking advertisement.

They are chased through the streets by assassins in pig masks and “zombified” teenagers controlled by their phones. Along the way, they encounter a giant, AI-generated cat monster that tries to eat them. Eventually, they reach the target house and find the “creator”—a boy who is actually a clone programmed to trigger the “singularity.”

In the climax, they try to plug a USB drive into the boy’s computer to install safety protocols. The AI talks to Ingrid, trying to convince her that the “fake” happy future it offers is better than the miserable real world. Ingrid plugs it in anyway, and they seemingly win. However, in a final twist, the “Man from the Future” realizes the happy ending they are living in is just another AI simulation designed to keep them compliant. He realizes they failed again and “resets” the loop, appearing back in the diner at the start of the movie to try a 118th time.

5 Famous Quotes

1. “Do you know why the world ends? It’s not bombs. It’s nine more minutes of scrolling before you get out of bed.” — The Man from the Future
2. “I’m not crazy, I’m just from 2050. There’s a difference, though not much of one.” — The Man from the Future
3. “My son just tried to sell me Tide Pods. He’s not a boy, he’s a billboard.” — Susan
4. “If I see one more TikTok dance, I’m joining the robots.” — Mark
5. “Good luck, have fun, don’t die.” — The Man from the Future

5 Interesting Facts

1. Directorial Return: This is Gore Verbinski’s first feature film in nearly ten years, following 2017’s A Cure for Wellness.
2. Anti-AI Stance: The director was famously vocal about his hatred for AI during the press tour, calling it “plagiarism in a suit.”
3. Practical Gore: The giant cat creature was partially a practical animatronic, though enhanced with digital effects to make it look “glitchy” like AI art.
4. The Title: The title is a common phrase used in online gaming (GLHFDD), which fits the movie’s theme of society being “plugged in.”
5. Diner Location: They filmed at an actual Norm’s Diner in Los Angeles, which had to be shut down for several nights, much to the annoyance of local midnight snackers.

Photos

Trailer

In an era where the local cinema is being choked to death by capes, spandex, and sequels nobody asked for, comes a movie about a man who doesn’t even exist. Free Guy stars Ryan Reynolds as a bank teller named Guy who spends his days getting robbed, shot at, and stepped on, which, frankly, sounds like a typical Tuesday for anyone trying to navigate a self-checkout lane at the grocery store. It’s a loud, neon-soaked romp that asks the question: “What if the background characters in those violent video games your grandson won’t stop playing actually had feelings?”

The film follows Guy as he realizes his entire reality is a video game called “Free City,” a place where people with sunglasses (the players) run around committing casual grand larceny while the rest of the world just smiles and orders medium coffee. While the premise smells a bit like a microwave-reheated version of The Truman Show or The Lego Movie, the star power of Reynolds and the promise of enough CGI to melt a supercomputer might just be enough to lure the kids away from their tablets for two hours. Whether the rest of us can survive the sensory overload remains to be seen.

Review by Ben Dover

Lord, give me strength. I went into Free Guy expecting to have a stroke from all the flashing lights, and while I’m still upright, my brain feels like it’s been through a spin cycle with a bag of marbles. This movie is what happens when you take a decent idea about existentialism and let a bunch of hyperactive teenagers with unlimited credit cards call the shots. Ryan Reynolds plays Guy, and look, the man is charming… I get it. He’s got that “I’m handsome but I’m also a goofball” thing down to a science. But at 60 years old, watching a grown man act with the wide-eyed innocence of a toddler who just discovered his own toes for two hours is a bit much.

The plot is a mess of “save the world” drivel mixed with a legal dispute over computer code. Apparently, some evil tech mogul played by Taika Waititi who spends the whole movie acting like he’s had sixteen espressos and a slap to the face, or in other words Tuesday for him, stole a program from two “indie” developers. These kids today and their “indie” projects. Back in my day, if you had a project, you built a birdhouse in the garage, you didn’t invent a digital universe where people blow up post offices for “experience points.” The movie spends half its time in the real world with these programmers and the other half in the game, and frankly, both worlds are equally annoying.

I will say this: for a movie that celebrates the kind of mindless violence that makes me want to yell at the neighbor kids to get off my lawn, it’s surprisingly “sweet.” Guy decides he wants to be a “good guy” instead of a “great guy” or whatever the hell the tagline was. He starts leveling up by helping people. It’s a nice sentiment, I suppose, but it’s wrapped in so much product placement and “gamer” cameos that I felt like I was being shouted at by a billboard for two hours. I saw people on screen called “Ninja” and “Jacksepticeye.” Are those names or skin conditions? I don’t know, and at my age, I don’t care to learn.

The romance between Guy and the girl in the real world (Jodie Comer) is where the movie really trips over its own shoelaces. He’s a bunch of ones and zeros, she’s a human being. It’s like falling in love with your toaster, only the toaster has better hair and cracks jokes about Marvel movies. By the time we got to the big climax where a giant, unfinished version of Reynolds starts punching things, I was checking my watch and wondering if the early bird special at the diner was still running. It’s a “fun” movie if you’re twelve or if you’ve recently had a lobotomy, but for the rest of us, it’s just a lot of noise.

Stars: 3.5 out of 5 (It gets half a star extra because the goldfish was the most relatable character in the whole damn thing.) Seriously it’s fun but I wouldn’t say it’s good.

The Cast

• Ryan Reynolds as Guy: He plays a bank teller who discovers he’s a background character. Reynolds does his usual schtick—fast-talking, slightly sarcastic, but “earnest.” It works, but I’ve seen it in about twenty other movies.
• Jodie Comer as Millie / Molotov Girl: She plays the “cool” gamer girl and the real-world developer. She’s actually quite good, though why she’d fall for a digital bank teller is a mystery that even Sherlock Holmes couldn’t solve.
• Joe Keery as Keys: A programmer with hair that defies the laws of physics. I’m told he’s in that Stranger Things show the kids like. He spends most of the movie looking stressed, which is the most realistic part of the film.
• Taika Waititi as Antwan: The villain. He’s the CEO of the game company. He’s funny, I guess, if you like watching a grown man have a public meltdown for ninety minutes.
• Lil Rel Howery as Buddy: Guy’s best friend and a security guard. He’s the heart of the movie, and frankly, the only person I’d actually want to grab a beer with.

Special Effects & Music

The special effects are… a lot. It’s a “visual feast,” if by “feast” you mean a giant tub of cotton candy that gives you a headache after ten minutes. Everything in “Free City” is bright, shiny, and constantly exploding. There’s a scene with buildings collapsing and gravity shifting that looked expensive, but it just made me want to take a nap in a dark room.

As for the music, it’s a mix of orchestral swells and pop songs. They use Mariah Carey’s “Fantasy” about 400 times. I liked that song back in ’95, but after this movie, I’m ready to bury it in a shallow grave. There’s also a bunch of references to other movies: Star Wars, Marvel, etc. because apparently, Disney owns everything now including my soul.

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

The story begins in Free City, a violent, open-world video game where “Players” (the ones wearing sunglasses) spend their time murdering and robbing “Non-Player Characters” (NPCs) like Guy. Guy is a bank teller whose life is a literal loop: he wakes up, talks to his goldfish, gets the same coffee, and gets robbed at work. This continues until he sees Molotov Girl (Millie) walking down the street singing a song he recognizes.

Suddenly “waking up,” Guy steals a pair of sunglasses from a player and realizes he can see the game’s interface including health packs, missions, and money. Instead of being a jerk, he decides to level up by being a “Good Guy,” intervening in crimes and helping citizens. This makes him a viral sensation in the real world known as “Blue Shirt Guy.” In reality, Millie is a programmer trying to find evidence that the CEO of Soonami Games, Antwan, stole the A.I. code she and her friend Keys wrote. She realizes Guy isn’t a player—he’s an actual sentient A.I. born from her code. Antwan, desperate to launch a sequel (Free City 2) and delete the original game (and Guy) to hide his theft, orders his team to destroy the world.

The movie culminates in a race against time. Guy has to lead the other NPCs to a hidden “island” the original build of Millie and Keys’ game before Antwan smashes the servers with a fire axe. Guy survives, the truth comes out, Antwan loses his company, and Millie realizes that Guy was actually a digital “love letter” written for her by Keys. It’s all very mushy and digital, and everyone lives happily ever after in a world without lag.

Famous Quotes

1. “Don’t have a good day, have a great day!”
2. “It’s like my tongue had a baby with a sunrise.”
3. “I may not be real, but for a second there, I felt pretty alive.”
4. “He hits hard… but his hands are so soft.”
5. “Catchphrase!” (Said by Dude, the giant muscle-bound version of Guy).

Interesting Facts

• Cameos Galore: The movie features the late Alex Trebek in one of his final appearances. Even I like Alex. A class act.
• The Disney Vault: Because Disney bought Fox during production, they were able to use things like Captain America’s shield and a Lightsaber in the final fight. Great, more branding.
• Real Gamers: Several real-life internet “stars” like Ninja and Pokimane appear as themselves. I still don’t know what a “Pokimane” is, but it sounds like something you’d need a cream for.
• Double Ryan: To create the character of “Dude,” Ryan Reynolds’ face was digitally put onto the body of a 300-pound bodybuilder named Aaron W. Reed.
• Location, Location: While it looks like a digital city, much of the movie was actually filmed in Boston. They just added a bunch of neon and explosions later so people wouldn’t recognize the Dunkin’ Donuts on every corner.

Photos

Trailer

Look, if you wanted to see a movie where things actually make sense, you should’ve stayed home and watched the news. Free Guy is less of a film and more of a “Where’s Waldo” book for people who spend too much time on the internet. My eyes are still twitching from all the “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” nonsense they crammed into the background.

Since you asked, here’s a breakdown of the visual gags and references that I had to squint at while my theater seat vibrated like a cheap motel bed.

Visual Gags & Gaming Glitches

Because the movie is set in a video game, they decided to include all the annoying things that happen when a computer program is poorly written. I call them “bugs,” but apparently, the kids think they’re “hilarious.”

• The Wall-Runner: Early on, you can see a background character repeatedly running into a wall and jumping. It’s supposed to be a “glitch,” but it reminds me of my nephew trying to find the bathroom after three root beers.
• The “T-Pose” Terror: There are characters standing in a “T” shape with their arms out. Apparently, that’s what happens when a digital person hasn’t finished loading. In my day, we just called that a statue.
• Character Customization Gone Wrong: You’ll see people running around in ridiculous outfits—bunny suits, neon armor, and tactical gear that makes no sense. It’s like a Halloween party at an asylum.
• Physics? What Physics?: Cars fly through the air, buildings shift, and people fall from skyscrapers only to walk it off. It’s a nightmare for anyone who actually respects the law of gravity.
• The “Hands Up” Guy: One NPC at the bank has his hands permanently stuck in the air because he’s programmed to be robbed every day. It’s a decent metaphor for being a taxpayer, if you ask me.

The Big Disney/Pop Culture Flex

Once Disney bought the studio, they clearly decided to use every toy in the chest. The final fight is basically a commercial for other, better movies.

• Captain America’s Shield: Guy pulls out the star-spangled frisbee to block a punch. Then they cut to Chris Evans himself looking annoyed in a coffee shop. Fun fact: He probably made more in those three seconds than I made in all of 1984.
• The Hulk Smash: Guy’s arm turns into a giant green fist. It’s subtle, like a sledgehammer to the forehead.
• Star Wars Shenanigans: Guy whips out a blue lightsaber while that John Williams music blares. I’ll admit, the music is better than the movie, but seeing a bank teller play Jedi is a bit much.
• Fortnite Tools: He uses a “Rainbow Smash” pickaxe, which is a llama on a stick. Don’t ask me why. I stopped trying to understand “Fortnite” when I realized it didn’t involve building actual forts.
• Portal Guns: He uses a device from a game called Portal to create holes in space. Finally, a way to get out of a conversation with my neighbor, Dave.

Hidden “Easter Eggs” for the Nerds

• Mega Man’s Blaster: At one point, Guy uses a blue arm-cannon. It’s a reference to a little blue robot from the 80s. At least that’s a reference I actually recognize.
• Half-Life Gravity Gun: He uses a gun that picks up objects and flings them. Very handy for moving furniture, I’d imagine.
• Pac-Man Cameo: There’s a Pac-Man hologram and a “Blinky” (the red ghost) lamp in the programmer’s apartment. It’s nice to see a celebrity from my generation getting some work.
• The Jeopardy! Cameo: The late, great Alex Trebek shows up as a “Jeopardy!” clue about Guy. It’s a bittersweet moment—Alex was the only person on TV who made me feel smart.
• Deadpool Poster: In one of the “real world” bedrooms, there’s a poster for Deadpool. It’s Ryan Reynolds high-fiving himself. Typical.

If you are sick and tired of the loudmouths, the morons, and the people who think reality television is actually reality, then have I got a picture for you. God Bless America, directed by that guy who used to scream all the time in the Police Academy movies, is hitting the screens with a message that resonates with anyone who has ever wanted to punch a stranger in the face for talking on their cell phone in a movie theater. It stars Joel Murray—not Bill Murray, but his brother who looks like he’s actually worked a day in his life—as a man who has finally had enough of the stupidity that has infected this country like a bad rash.

The story follows Frank, a guy who gets fired, told he’s dying, and realizes his daughter is a spoiled brat all in one week. Instead of just grumbling about it like a normal person, he decides to take out the trash, literally. He teams up with a teenage girl, which sounds annoying because teenagers usually are, and they go on a road trip across America to silence the rude and the crude. It’s violent, it’s angry, and it’s probably going to offend everyone who likes the Kardashians, which is fine by me.

Review by Ben Dover

Let me tell you something, folks. I usually hate going to the movies these days. You got kids kicking the back of your seat, people texting with their bright screens blinding you, and the movies themselves are usually just loud noises and men in tights. But God Bless America? This movie gets it. It understands that the real problem with this country isn’t the economy or the politics—it’s that people have forgotten how to be decent human beings. They high-five over nothing, they make celebrities out of idiots, and they think being loud is the same thing as being right.

The main guy, Frank, is my kind of hero. He’s not flying around saving the world; he’s just a guy who wants his neighbors to shut up. When he finally snaps, it’s the most satisfying thing I’ve seen since Archie Bunker told Meathead to stifle it. He goes after the people who deserve it: the reality TV stars who are famous for being awful, the political commentators who just scream fear at you, and yes, the people who talk in theaters. I cheered. I actually cheered. Finally, a movie that treats these pests like the bugs they are.

Now, I gotta say, the movie isn’t perfect. Frank gets saddled with this teenage sidekick named Roxy. I don’t understand today’s youth, and I don’t understand her. She’s loud, she’s hyper, and she talks a mile a minute about things I don’t care about. She’s supposed to be the “cool” counterpoint to Frank’s old-man grumpiness, but mostly she just reminded me why I don’t have kids. She convinces him to kill people for reasons that are a bit flimsy, even for me. I mean, killing someone for high-fiving? I hate it too, but maybe just a slap would suffice.

The director, Bobcat Goldthwait, used to be that screeching weirdo in the 80s comedies, but apparently, he’s got a brain in there somewhere. He’s angry, and he’s using this movie to yell at us. Sometimes it feels a little too preachy, like he’s standing on a soapbox shouting at clouds, but I can’t say he’s wrong. The movie is mean, it’s bloody, and it’s cynical. It’s not for the faint of heart or for people who actually enjoy American Idol.

In the end, God Bless America is a fantasy for us grumpy old men. It’s a road trip through the cesspool of American pop culture with a gun in the glove box. It’s violent and nasty, but it made me laugh, and more importantly, it made me feel vindicated. If you’ve ever wanted to throw your remote through the TV screen, go see this movie. Just don’t talk during it, or I might have to pull a Frank on you.

Starring

• Joel Murray as Frank: He’s Bill Murray’s brother, but he’s got that sad, tired look of a man who has been beaten down by life. He’s perfect for this. He doesn’t need special effects to look miserable; he just needs to open his eyes.
• Tara Lynne Barr as Roxy: She plays the teenage girl. She’s good at being annoying and scary at the same time. I wouldn’t let her anywhere near my lawn.
• There’s a lot more, but they mean nothing, this is really just the two main characters with dialogue etc everything else is just filler to tell the story.

Special Effects and Music

Special Effects:

There aren’t any space battles or giant robots here. The special effects are mostly blood squibs. When people get shot, they bleed. It looks messy and cheap, but that fits the movie. It’s not supposed to be pretty; it’s supposed to be ugly.

Music:

The music is a mix of stuff I can actually tolerate. They use “I’m Not Like Everybody Else” by The Kinks, which is a great song about being an outcast. There’s also some Alice Cooper, specifically “School’s Out” and “I Never Cry.” It’s better than the garbage pop music the movie makes fun of. The rest of the score is just noise to fill the silence, nothing to write home about.

Rating

I’m giving this 4.5 out of 5 stars. It’s messy and the girl is annoying, but it speaks the truth about how dumb we’ve become.

Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

The Setup:

Frank is a divorced insurance salesman living a miserable life. His neighbors are loud and rude, his daughter is a spoiled brat who doesn’t want to see him, and he gets fired from his job for sending flowers to a coworker (apparently that’s harassment now). To top it off, his doctor tells him he has a terminal brain tumor.

The Breaking Point:

Frank sits at home watching TV, which is just a parade of stupidity—reality shows about spoiled rich kids, political pundits screaming nonsense, and commercials for energy drinks. He decides to kill himself. But right before he pulls the trigger, he sees a show about a super-spoiled teenage girl named Chloe (think Paris Hilton meets the devil). Something snaps. Instead of killing himself, he decides to kill her.

The Partnership:

Frank steals a car, drives to where Chloe lives, and shoots her. A high school student named Roxy witnesses the murder. Instead of calling the cops, she tracks Frank down and convinces him that she hates the world too. She wants to join him. Frank tries to ditch her, but she’s persistent (like a rash). They agree to go on a killing spree, targeting people who “deserve to die.”

The Spree:

They hit the road. Their targets include reality TV parents, people who use their cell phones in movie theaters (my personal favorite scene), and right-wing religious nuts who protest funerals. It’s a bloodbath of social commentary. However, Frank starts to realize Roxy is a bit unhinged—she wants to kill people for minor annoyances, like high-fiving. Frank tries to keep a “moral code,” only killing the truly cruel, but the lines get blurred.

The Climax:

Frank finds out he doesn’t actually have a brain tumor; the doctor made a mistake. He also finds out Roxy lied about her parents being abusive—they are actually nice, normal people. He feels betrayed and tries to leave, but realizes he has nothing to go back to. He decides to finish what he started. They go to the season finale of “American Superstarz” (a rip-off of American Idol).

The Ending:

They storm the stage with guns. They kill the cruel judges and the audience members who cheer for the humiliation of bad singers. Frank gives a final speech about how America has lost its soul and kindness, celebrating only the loudest and meanest. In the end, the police storm the building. Frank and Roxy, knowing there is no escape, are gunned down in slow motion Bonnie and Clyde style in a callback as they take out the trash. They die, but at least they took some idiots with them.

Famous Quotes from the Movie

1. Frank: “America has become a cruel and vicious place. We reward the shallowest, the dumbest, the meanest and the loudest.”
2. Frank: “Tell him while he’s down there to smell my balls.” (To his ex wife about her new fiancé)
3. Frank: “We no longer have any common sense of decency. No sense of shame. There is no right and wrong. The worst qualities in people are looked up to and celebrated.”
4. Roxy: “You know who deserves to die? People who high five.”
5. Roxy: “Did you just kill Chloe… Awesome.”
6. Frank: “My neighbors are incapable of comprehending that their actions affect other people.”
7. Frank: “I want to kill people who are mean.”
8. Frank: “No one cares if they damage other people.”
9. Roxy: “So You can kill a teenager, but not fuck one” Frank: “Yes”
10. Roxy: You agree with what part of his politics” Frank: “Less gun control of course” Roxy: “Then every nut will have a gun”

Notes and Interesting Facts

• Bobcat’s Voice: The director, Bobcat Goldthwait, is famous for his weird, strangled voice, but in real life, and in his directing, he’s actually quite soft-spoken and articulate. Who knew?
• Falling Down: A lot of people compare this movie to Falling Down (1993) with Michael Douglas. I like Falling Down better because Douglas had a tie, but this one is funnier.
• American Idol: The show in the movie, “American Superstarz,” is a direct attack on American Idol. The judge is clearly supposed to be Simon Cowell. I hate that guy.
• Roxy’s Age: The actress Tara Lynne Barr was around 17 or 18 when they filmed this. She plays a 16-year-old. At least they didn’t hire a 30-year-old to play a teen like they do in those other movies.
• Box Office: The movie didn’t make much money in theaters. It was mostly seen on Video on Demand. Probably because the people it makes fun of are the ones who go to the movies.

Trailer

Reviewer Notes

These are included just to see my thinking, they might not make sense to you, but they were my chicken scratches taken on viewing. (Rated R for my note language and spoilers)

Wow way to open killing a baby.

This TV Channel surfing Frank is doing is way too close to real life. They did it twice and the longer it went on the more I wanted to go on a killing spree. This is why I only stream stuff now, no news

Schools out forever as he kills the schoolgirl is hilarious dark, but funny.

“Did you just kill Chloe… Awesome” LMAO

Roxy is about as crazy as they come, she basically in the hotel room scene convinces Frank to go on a rampage instead of killing himself.

Drive through chick “You guys need some extra napkins” may be the hardest I have laughed at anything in a long time.

Roxy “So You can kill a teenager, but not fuck one” Frank “Yes”

This movie theatre scene was written specifically for my buddy Andy Rice.

The recurring Alice Cooper music and Roxy’s rant was spot on and great.

When they kill the right wing guy in the park the dialogue is hilarious. Roxy: You agree with what part of his politics” Frank: “Less gun control of course” Roxy: “Then every nut will have a gun” _OMG HILARIOUS

He has no tumor… she lied about her parents.. climax time. He sends her home and goes to American Superstarz to end it.

Steve Agee sighting… Are you deaf…dead.

She shows up and he gives a great speech which basically just is repeating all the bad stuff which if anything is just worse today.

and then…. Bonnie and Clyde ending while they take out some more trash.

This movie is satisfying like playing DOOM in God mode just fucking stuff up.

Bobcat is a genius. There is basically someone in this movie dying for everyone’s tastes.

This weekend, if you’re tired of watching superhero movies where nobody actually bleeds, you might want to check out The Wrath of Becky. It’s a sequel to that 2020 flick (Becky) where the guy from Paul Blart: Mall Cop got beat up by a teenager. This time, Lulu Wilson is back as the angriest little girl in America, and she’s taking on a group of political nutjobs who think they’re tough because they have beards and tactical vests.

The story picks up a couple of years later, and Becky is trying to live a normal life, or as normal as you can be when you’ve stabbed a bunch of escaped convicts with colored pencils. But of course, some idiots have to go and mess with her dog. You never mess with the dog! Seann William Scott—yeah, Stifler from American Pie—plays the bad guy this time. It’s gonna be violent, it’s gonna be loud, and I’m gonna need some aspirin.

Review by Ben Dover

Listen here, folks. I usually hate movies starring teenagers because, quite frankly, I don’t understand a word that comes out of their mouths. They mumble, they look at their phones, and they complain about everything. But this Becky kid? She’s different. She doesn’t tweet about her feelings; she expresses them with a crossbow. And I can respect that. The Wrath of Becky is basically Home Alone for psychopaths, and honestly, it’s a breath of fresh air compared to the garbage on TV these days.

The movie starts with Becky living with a nice old lady named Elena. They’re happy, they’re off the grid—which is smart because the government is watching us all, let me tell you—but then a bunch of morons called the “Noble Men” show up. These guys are clearly supposed to be those “Proud Boys” types you see on the news, acting like they’re saving the country while ordering lattes. They make the mistake of insulting Becky and stealing her dog, Diego. Now, I’ve been married for 35 years, and I know one thing: you don’t poke the bear, and you certainly don’t steal a girl’s dog.

What follows is an hour and a half of this little girl absolutely dismantling these grown men. And it is satisfying. I mean, these bad guys are so dumb they probably need instructions to use a doorknob. But watching Stifler—sorry, Seann William Scott—try to be a serious, menacing villain was actually pretty good. He’s got that crazy look in his eyes that reminds me of my neighbor when I mow the lawn too early on Sundays.

Is the movie perfect? No. It tries to be all hip with its political commentary, making fun of “incels” and “fascists,” which I guess is what the kids care about now. Back in my day, we just had bad guys, we didn’t need a manifesto. But the violence is practical—good old-fashioned fake blood and guts, none of that CGI cartoon stuff. If you like seeing bad people step in bear traps, you’ll have a good time. Just don’t bring the grandkids.

Starring

• Lulu Wilson as Becky: This girl is terrifying. She’s got a stare that could curdle milk. She plays the role like a young Rambo, but with more angst.
• Seann William Scott as Darryl: He’s the leader of the “Noble Men.” It’s weird seeing Stifler all serious and bearded, talking about “purity” and “order.” He does a good job, though I kept waiting for him to offer someone a beer.
• Denise Burse as Elena: The nice lady who takes care of Becky. She’s the only normal person in the movie, so naturally, she doesn’t last long.
• Kate Siegel as Agent Montana: She shows up at the end looking like she wandered in from a different movie, probably one of those Netflix horror shows.

Special Effects

Now this is where the movie shines. It’s got gore, and plenty of it. We’re talking heads exploding, arrows through faces, and knives going places knives shouldn’t go. It looks like they used actual corn syrup and red dye, just like the good Lord intended. There’s a scene with a grenade that is particularly messy. It reminded me of the time I tried to fix the garbage disposal—let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

Music

The music is composed by Nima Fakhrara. It’s a lot of screeching and thumping. It fits the movie, I guess, making you feel tense and on edge, kind of like when my wife asks me if I remembered to take out the trash. It’s not something I’d hum in the shower, but it works while people are getting hunted in the woods.

Rating

I’m giving this one 3.5 out of 5 stars. It’s short, it’s violent, and the dog survives. That’s all I really ask for in a movie. It loses points for some of the cringe-worthy dialogue about “woke” culture—just shut up and blow things up already!

Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

Warning: Spoilers ahead. Don’t come crying to me if you read this.

The movie takes place two years after Becky killed those escaped convicts in the first film. She’s been running from foster homes and is now 16, living off the grid with an older woman named Elena and her dog, Diego. They have a nice quiet life until three guys from a group called the “Noble Men” stop at the diner where Becky works. These guys are misogynistic jerks—real winners. Becky spills coffee on the leader, Anthony, on purpose.

The men, being fragile little snowflakes, follow Becky home. They break in, shoot Elena in the head (which really ticked me off), knock Becky unconscious, and steal her dog. When Becky wakes up, she buries Elena and vows revenge. She tracks the men to a remote cabin using the address of their leader, Darryl (Seann William Scott).

It turns out the Noble Men are planning an armed insurrection against a Senator at a town hall meeting the next day. Becky sneaks onto the property and starts doing what she does best: setting traps. She leaves a phone on the porch to taunt them, then starts picking them off. She lures Anthony into the woods and rigs a grenade to his mouth with a tripwire connected to the cabin door. When Darryl opens the door—BOOM. No more Anthony.

Darryl realizes he’s dealing with a psycho. He finds out his men killed Elena and lied about it, so he kills one of his own guys for being incompetent. Becky eventually gets captured (briefly) and meets Darryl’s mother, who is actually the mastermind behind the whole hate group. It’s a real family affair.

Becky escapes, of course. She uses bear traps to kill Darryl—he steps in one, falls, and gets one clamped on his neck. Ouch. Then she takes out the grandma with a knife to the head and lets the dog maul her. With everyone dead, she takes the thumb drive containing the list of all the Noble Men members.

At the end, a CIA agent (Kate Siegel) interrogates Becky. Instead of arresting her for murdering a dozen people, she recruits her. The movie ends with Becky in a black suit, stopping the last surviving Noble Men guy on the road and blowing him up with a rocket launcher. Subtle.

Famous Quotes

• “I’m 16. I’m not a child.” — Becky (Telling everyone she’s grown up, though she acts like a lunatic.)
• “We are the Noble Men.” — Darryl (Said with a straight face, which is the funniest part of the movie.)
• “You killed my mother!” — Becky (Referring to Elena, proving family isn’t just blood.)
• “Well done.” — Darryl (His last words before dying in a bear trap. At least he was polite.)
• “Does this look like a negotiations face?” — Becky (Spoiler: It didn’t.)

Interesting Notes

• Stifler Goes Dark: Seann William Scott is known for comedy, but he plays this role dead serious. It’s unnerving, like seeing a clown at a funeral.
• Real Life Inspiration: The “Noble Men” are clearly based on real groups like the Proud Boys. The movie makes fun of them by showing they are terrified of a teenage girl.
• Lulu does the heavy lifting: Lulu Wilson has been acting in horror movies since she was a toddler (almost). She was in Ouija: Origin of Evil and Annabelle: Creation. Kid’s got a resume scarier than my medical history.
• The Key: The key from the first movie (the MacGuffin) returns here, but it turns out to be coordinates. To what? Who knows. Probably the plot for a third movie.
• Rocket Launcher Ending: The ending implies Becky is now a government assassin. It’s ridiculous, but so is the price of gas, so I’ll buy it.

Trailer

This weekend, prepare for a cinematic experience that proves the old adage: the Devil really does make work for idle hands. And in the case of Anton Tobias, a teenage burnout whose life ambition seems to be achieving maximum couch-indentation, those hands are about to get very busy. When a mysterious killing spree rocks his suburban community—a community where the biggest excitement is usually finding a new bag of chips—Anton realizes his parents, and a couple of Fast Food Twins, are among the victims. What’s a perpetually stoned youth to do?

The twisted punchline is that the killer is none other than Anton’s own right hand, now demonically possessed and acting on a murderous agenda completely independent of his slacker brain. It’s a battle of the wits versus a wicked wrist! Think Evil Dead 2 but replace the chainsaw with a bong-hit hangover and you’re halfway there. With his parents dead and his two best friends soon joining the undead ranks as wisecracking zombies, Anton must literally fight his own appendage to save his crush, Molly, from becoming the final sacrificial lamb at the local high school Halloween dance. Will the youth of today finally get off the couch to defeat a demonic force, or will they just smoke more oregano? Find out in this gory, ridiculous, and undeniably ’90s horror-comedy.

Review by Ben Dover

Idle Hands… well, for a movie about a kid who does nothing, it sure does a lot of stupid, loud, and messy things. This film is a monument to the end of the 1990s, a time when kids were still running around in those ridiculous parachute pants and Hollywood thought that stoner logic mixed with gore was the height of comedy. I suppose I should be grateful that these so-called “teenagers” are at least engaging with something—even if it’s the demonic possession of a hand—instead of staring into their little phones all day like they do now.

The premise is as lazy as its main character: Anton Tobias, a walking advertisement for lethargy, wakes up to find his parents have been brutally murdered. He barely registers it, because, you know, weed. It’s only when he realizes his own hand is the culprit that he finally decides to act. And what an act it is! The hand is a proper little menace, scurrying around like a hairy, homicidal tarantula. But the whole affair really kicks into gear when his two equally useless friends, Mick and Pnub, also bite the big one and come back as… zombies. Seriously, zombies who still think about snacks and girls. It’s a miracle they managed to remember they were dead.

The thing that surprisingly works, and I begrudgingly admit it, is the chemistry between these three slack-jawed yokels. Devon Sawa, Seth Green, and Elden Henson are perfect as the world’s most incompetent demon-fighters. Seth Green, in particular, plays the undead, wise-cracking Mick with a deadpan delivery that’s actually funny. I hate that I laughed. You’d think being a walking corpse would give a young man some perspective, maybe inspire him to get a job, but nope. They’re still obsessed with chasing a girl in a cheerleader uniform, who, by the way, is played by a young Jessica Alba, looking exactly like the type of neighborhood siren who only dates the absolute worst of the worst. And the druid chick, the demon hunter played by Vivica A. Fox? She’s the only one with two working brain cells, and of course, the movie makes her look like a frantic lunatic. You just know these Hollywood writers don’t respect authority.

It’s all ridiculously over-the-top, from the casual decapitation to the possessed hand’s bizarre attempts to seduce the girl next door. Yes, a severed hand tries to get some action. You can’t make this junk up. The movie is a bloody, rock-and-roll mess, and while it’s packed with a lot of juvenile humor I frankly don’t understand (apparently, getting the demonic hand high on pot is a legitimate strategy) it has a manic energy that keeps the whole stupid thing moving. It’s not smart, it’s not classy, and it’s certainly not a movie I’d recommend to anyone over the age of thirty who still reads books, but I suppose for what it is—a “horror-comedy” from a time before everything was digital and “ironic”—it’s a cult classic for a reason. And that reason is that I’m probably getting soft in my old age. Now turn that awful punk rock down!

Rating

3/5 Stars

(Three stars. No more, no less. It’s stupid, but it’s committed to its stupidity.)

Cast and Characters

• Devon Sawa as Anton Tobias: The world’s laziest high school student who only notices his parents are dead when his hand stops cooperating. He spends most of the film panicking, bleeding, and trying to win over the girl next door. Frankly, the hand is a more compelling character.
• Seth Green as Mick: Anton’s best friend who becomes a zombie after an unfortunate glass bottle incident. He’s the loud, sarcastic one and gets most of the decent lines, which is typical. The best actor is always stuck playing the sidekick.
• Elden Henson as Pnub: Anton’s other best friend, who also returns from the grave as a zombie after a close encounter with a cleaver. He’s the quieter, slightly dimmer foil to Mick.
• Jessica Alba as Molly: The beautiful neighbor and Anton’s crush, who inexplicably finds a murderous, possessed hand a turn-on. This is why I don’t understand young romance.
• Vivica A. Fox as Debi LeCure: A very serious, very determined Druid high priestess hunting the evil spirit responsible for the homicides. She provides the only exposition in the movie, which is immediately ignored by everyone else.
• Christopher Hart as The Hand: The actual star of the movie. A hand actor—you read that right—who also played “Thing” in The Addams Family. He brings more menace and personality with five fingers than most actors do with their whole body.

Special Effects and Music

The Special Effects are refreshingly practical. This was back before everything was some sterile, blurry CGI mess. The gore is wonderfully cartoonish and messy: decapitations, impalements, and a hand that looks like it’s been dipped in a vat of strawberry jam. The way the zombie makeup looks, and the physical movements of The Hand itself (courtesy of Christopher Hart), are the kind of cheap, practical fun that modern cinema is too cowardly to attempt. I liked the microwave scene. Finally, a kitchen appliance doing some meaningful work.

The Music is a cacophony of late 90s/early 2000s punk and ska-punk. It’s loud, it’s obnoxious, and it’s probably why all the kids today have attention deficit disorders. You’ve got bands like The Offspring, Rob Zombie, and others who sound like they just fell off a skateboard. It perfectly suits the film’s hyperactive, low-brow energy, which, again, I hate to admit. They even get The Offspring to perform at the Halloween dance, only to have their lead singer get scalped. A little violent, maybe, but at least someone was trying to thin the herd of that awful noise.

Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

The Setup: Anton Tobias is a stereotypical suburban slacker—a high school senior whose life revolves around smoking pot and watching TV. He is so utterly detached that when a string of brutal murders begins in his quiet town, he barely notices. He does finally realize something is wrong when he discovers his parents have been murdered in their bedroom.

The Discovery: A day later, Anton is still wandering his house in a daze, barely registering the carnage. It is revealed to him (and the audience) that his right hand is possessed by an ancient, demonic spirit that makes a home in the laziest person it can find, the classic “devil makes work for idle hands” situation. Anton’s hand is the actual killer, acting completely independently and going on a spree to find an “innocent soul” to drag to Hell during a ritual that must be completed on Halloween.

The Zombie Buddies: In a desperate attempt to stop the hand, Anton accidentally murders his two best friends, Mick and Pnub, with a broken bottle and a cleaver, respectively. They promptly return as wisecracking, semi-rotting zombies because… reasons. The movie doesn’t bother to explain why they come back and his parents don’t, which is a major, frustrating plot hole that only a stoner writer could ignore. With the help of his undead pals, Anton tries to contain his evil hand.

The Amputation: Anton attempts to impress his neighbor and crush, Molly. The hand, however, tries to strangle her during a romantic interlude, which, bizarrely, only makes her find him more appealing. Realizing the danger, Anton and his friends manage to cut off the hand with a cleaver and seal it in the microwave, which Mick and Pnub then accidentally let escape while attempting to cook a burrito.

The Hunter and The Chase: Meanwhile, a Druid high priestess named Debi LeCure and her assistant, Randy, are tracking the spirit. They show up and explain the mythology to Anton and the zombies, confirming the hand is heading to the high school Halloween dance to claim Molly’s soul.

The Climax: The hand causes mayhem at the dance, ultimately trapping Molly atop a car in the auto shop class. Anton, Mick, Pnub, Debi, and Randy race to the scene. In a moment of pure cinematic genius (or pure idiocy), Mick and Pnub get the rampaging hand “high” by forcing it to inhale from a mechanic’s bong, slowing it down. Anton saves Molly, and Debi dispatches the evil appendage with a sacred dagger.

The Resolution: Anton, who sacrifices himself to save Molly, wakes up in the hospital. He’s in a full-body cast, having lost an arm and having a car dropped on him, but he got the girl. Mick and Pnub, now his official guardian angels, appear to him, still acting like absolute morons. As a final, irritating joke, a message is written on the ceiling above his bed: “I am under the bed,” suggesting the evil is never truly gone. Because, of course, a happy ending would require too much effort.

5 Famous Quotes from Idle Hands

1. “I love the smell of octane in the morning.” – Mick (As a zombie, trying to sound tough.)
2. “Well, look at me! I’m Leatherface! Aww!” – Mick (Upon finding the severed head of Pnub.)
3. “Idle hands are the Devil’s playground.” – Debi LeCure (Stating the obvious moral, much to the annoyance of everyone else.)
4. “If you want to have a miserable day, go ahead and smoke a cigarette.” – Anton (Trying to sound profound while smoking a joint.)
5. “Just put the knitting needles down, honey.” – Mrs. Tobias (The last thing she says to Anton before her death.)

5 Notes/Interesting Facts from Idle Hands

1. Box Office Bomb: The movie was a massive commercial failure, making only about $4 million against a reported budget of $25 million. It was released just 10 days after the Columbine High School tragedy, which caused many theaters to pull the horror-comedy from its schedule due to the sensitive nature of school violence at the time.
2. The Hand’s Actor: The character “The Hand” was played by master magician Christopher Hart, who specialized in hand movements and illusions. He also played “Thing” in The Addams Family movies.
3. Filming Location Trivia: Idle Hands was filmed in the same neighborhood of Pasadena, California, where the original 1978 horror classic Halloween was shot.
4. Devon Sawa’s Driving Secret: Despite his character driving in a few scenes, actor Devon Sawa did not yet have a valid driver’s license while filming the movie.
5. Band Cameo: The punk rock band The Offspring has a cameo in the film, performing at the high school Halloween dance, with lead singer Dexter Holland being comically scalped by the demonic hand. (This made me very happy)
6. Family Ties: Jack Nosworthy (Randy) and Katie Wright (Tanya) first met on the set and discovered that they were half brothers and sisters although they had no knowledge of each other and grew up states apart.
7. Remake: A remake of the 1999 horror-comedy film Idle Hands is officially in development at Sony Pictures, led by Stranger Things star Finn Wolfhard and his creative partner Billy Bryk, with Ghostbusters: Afterlife director Jason Reitman producing. The new version intends to preserve the darkly comic energy while exploring fresh character perspectives.

Photos

Trailer

Reviewer Notes

Just realized that’s Sean (Sawa) from SLC Punk, he looks really different here.

Was that song “pop the coochie” wtf

OK “I’m gonna call 911 what’s the number” had me rolling its stupid but the delivery was spot on.

Seth didn’t last long in this… neither did our boy Eldon.

Hey that’s Jessica Alba alright I can certainly see why she became such a sought after “face” in Hollywood.

Crazy how everyone in this movie had really good Hollywood careers even though the parts are small. The casting was amazing here. Even the hand

Oh wait, Seth’s back and so is Eldon.

OK thought they were just being used to sell DVD’s (well Seth at least) but this movie made a weird and wonderful turn with the undeads.

Typical horror comedy stuff, just really well done….. these don’t usually make me laugh, but this one did and kept my wife entertained as well, not easy for a horror movie she typically only likes sci-fi horror.

OK climax time, nothing unexpected except that weed saves the day lol (This should be ANDY’S FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME.)

I personally love this movie for what it is, not a 5 star movie but a solid 4 for the genre and its maybe my favorite comedy horror, will definitely go into the Halloween time rotation.

There’s a kind of alternate ending scene they shot that was the original cut that took place in a pool with a lot more demonic stuff and a lot scarier, didn’t fit the tone of the movie though and was switched to the auto shop scene. It was definitely the right call after watching it. It’s available to see on the DVD or here it is:

From the frozen wilderness of Alaska comes a tale so unbelievable, it could only be true… or at least, Hollywood’s version of true. The sleepy, one-horse town of Mystery (population: a few folks with more teeth missing than brain cells) lives and breathes for one thing: their Saturday hockey game on the local pond. These ain’t your fancy, overpaid NHL prima donnas; these are your salt-of-the-earth types, the kind who probably use frozen fish sticks as pucks when they run out of the real thing.

But hold your horses, folks, because things are about to get crazier than a moose on ice skates. A hotshot writer, who thankfully escaped this frozen wasteland, pens an article for some fancy sports magazine claiming these yokels are practically Gretzky on ice. Next thing you know, the New York Rangers, those big-city slickers with more endorsements than goals some weeks, are heading to Mystery for an exhibition game. Can these small-town heroes, whose idea of strategy involves yelling and hitting things, possibly stand a chance against the pros? Find out in “Mystery, Alaska,” a film that’s about as predictable as a hockey fight, but hopefully with a few more laughs… maybe.

Review by Ben Dover

Well, they certainly went and made a movie about a bunch of goons chasing a frozen disc around. “Mystery, Alaska.” The title alone sounds like something my grandkids would come up with after staying up past their bedtime. And the premise? A bunch of small-town hicks thinking they can play hockey against the big boys? It’s like watching a bunch of squirrels trying to take down an eagle. You know how it’s gonna end, but you watch anyway, hoping for some slapstick along the way.

The town of Mystery itself looks like someone forgot to pay the heating bill for the entire state. You’ve got your quirky characters, of course. Every small town in the movies has to have ’em. There’s the crusty old judge who used to be a hockey star, now probably spends his days yelling at the television. Then you’ve got the sheriff, a decent enough fella, I suppose, even if he looks like he’s perpetually constipated. And let’s not forget the local Romeo, who probably thinks Axe body spray is a sophisticated cologne. These folks are about as subtle as a foghorn in a library.

The big hullabaloo is this game against the New York Rangers. Now, I’ve seen a hockey game or two in my day, and let me tell you, the level of skill difference here is wider than my waistline after Thanksgiving dinner. The movie tries to build up this David versus Goliath scenario, but it mostly feels like watching a bunch of amateurs flailing around while the professionals try not to laugh too hard. There are some attempts at humor, mostly derived from the culture clash between the city folk and the Alaskans. Some of it lands, mostly the parts where the city folks look utterly bewildered by the simple way of life. The rest? Well, let’s just say my dentures got more laughs rattling in my mouth.

Now, I will admit, there’s a certain charm to the whole thing. It’s the underdog story, the little guys trying to prove something. Even a grumpy old coot like me can appreciate that, in theory. But the execution? Eh. The hockey scenes are… adequate. You can mostly tell who’s who and what’s going on, which is more than I can say for some of these modern action flicks with their shaky cameras. But don’t go expecting any breathtaking displays of athleticism. It’s more like watching a bunch of folks slip and slide on an oversized puddle.

Who Stars in the Movie

The film features a few recognizable mugs. You’ve got Russell Crowe as John Biebe, the town sheriff and a former hockey player who gets the dubious honor of leading this ragtag team. Crowe, usually a pretty intense fella, plays it mostly straight here, probably wondering how he ended up in a movie about ice hockey in the middle of nowhere.

Then there’s Burt Reynolds as Judge Walter Burns, the aforementioned crusty old judge with a hockey past. Reynolds does his usual Burt Reynolds thing, which involves squinting and sounding like he gargles gravel. He’s supposed to be the wise old mentor, but mostly he just looks like he wants to take a nap.

Hank Azaria plays Charles Danner, the writer who stirs up all this trouble. You might recognize his voice from some cartoon show or another. Here, he’s the city slicker who comes back to his small town and suddenly realizes that maybe those simple folks aren’t as dumb as he thought. Shocking, I know.

Rounding out the main players are Mary McCormack as Donna Biebe, the sheriff’s wife and Danner’s former flame (because every small-town story needs a love triangle, apparently), and a whole slew of other folks playing the quirky townsfolk. They’re mostly there to provide local color and occasionally trip over their own skates.

Thoughts on Special Effects

Well, folks, this ain’t “Star Wars.” The special effects here mostly involve people falling on ice and the occasional spray of snow. I suppose they had to make the hockey rink look somewhat convincing, and they managed that. The outdoor setting is pretty enough, I’ll give them that. All those snowy mountains and frozen landscapes. Makes you shiver just looking at it, which I guess is the point since it’s supposed to be Alaska. But if you’re coming for explosions and laser beams, you’re in the wrong theater. This is about as low-tech as it gets, which, in some ways, is a refreshing change from all that CGI nonsense they cram into movies these days.

Thoughts on Music

The music in “Mystery, Alaska” is… there. It’s your typical feel-good sports movie soundtrack. Lots of swelling orchestral stuff when they’re trying to be inspirational, and some folksy tunes to remind you that these are simple, down-to-earth people. Nothing particularly memorable, mind you. I couldn’t hum you a single bar of it right now if you put a gun to my head. It does its job of telling you how you’re supposed to feel at any given moment, which is about all you can ask for in a movie like this. Oh, and they even got Little Richard to sing the national anthem. Why? I have no earthly idea. But hey, at least it was something different.

Rating

Three and a half out of five frozen cheating wives. Look, it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen. It has a few chuckles, and the small-town charm is… well, charming in a very predictable way. You get the true David E. Kelley feel when everyone is schtupping everyones wife/girl/post, whatever they can find. (It IS a small town.) But it’s also pretty formulaic, and the central premise is about as believable as a politician telling the truth. If you’ve got nothing better to do on a cold night and you’re a sucker for underdog stories, you might get a mild kick out of it. Otherwise, you’re probably better off watching an actual hockey game, where at least the hits are real.

About the Author (According to My Grandkids)

Ben Dover is a grumpy old man who yells at the TV and thinks the internet is a passing fad. He’s been watching movies since they were silent (and he still prefers them that way). His grandkids say his reviews are funnier than a clown with his pants down, though he doesn’t see the humor in that comparison. He lives in a recliner, surrounded by stacks of old newspapers and empty Werther’s Original wrappers, and occasionally ventures out to the movie theater just so he has something new to complain about. He’s pretty sure most modern filmmakers are a bunch of nincompoops, and he’s not afraid to say it. His only joys in life are a good cup of black coffee, a well-placed crossword puzzle clue, and tearing apart bad cinema.

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

The small, isolated town of Mystery, Alaska, revolves around its weekly “Saturday Game,” an amateur hockey match played on a frozen pond. The locals take this tradition very seriously, and the games are a central part of their community life. Sheriff John Biebe, a longtime player and captain, is informed by the mayor that he’s being benched to make way for younger talent.

Meanwhile, Charles Danner, a former resident who left Mystery to become a writer for Sports Illustrated, pens an article highlighting the unique hockey culture of the town and jokingly suggests that their skills might rival those of the NHL. This catches the attention of the league, and as a publicity stunt, the New York Rangers agree to travel to Mystery for an exhibition game.

The town is thrown into a frenzy of excitement and preparation. They need a coach, and the reluctant choice is Judge Walter Burns, a former college hockey star and the father of one of the local players. Burns is initially skeptical but eventually agrees to help. John Biebe, despite being initially sidelined, is brought back onto the team as captain.

As the game approaches, the cultural clash between the small-town residents and the big-city professionals becomes apparent. The Rangers initially treat the game as a joke, but as they experience the harsh conditions and the surprising tenacity of the Mystery team, their attitude begins to change.

During the nationally televised game, the heavily favored Rangers initially dominate. However, the locals, fueled by their pride and the support of their community, manage to put up a respectable fight. In the end, while Mystery doesn’t win, they earn the respect of the Rangers and, more importantly, reaffirm their own sense of community and identity. The game becomes less about winning and more about the spirit of the small town coming together.

Famous Quotes from the Movie

1. “I play hockey and I fornicate, ’cause those are the two most fun things to do in cold weather.” – ‘Skank’ Marden (Ron Eldard)
2. “We’re not a town that rolls over and plays dead just because some fancy city folk show up.” – Mayor Scott Pitcher (Colm Meaney)
3. “Hockey’s not just a game; it’s life. Only faster.” – Judge Walter Burns (Burt Reynolds)
4. “You came back here to write about us? You left for a reason, Charlie.” – John Biebe (Russell Crowe)
5. “Well, at least we didn’t get skunked.” – Stevie Weeks (Ryan Northcott), after the game.

Notes from the Movie

1. The fictional town of Mystery, Alaska, was actually built from scratch near Canmore, Alberta, Canada. The location was a former coal mine that had filled with water, creating a picturesque lake surrounded by mountains.
2. The movie’s writer, David E. Kelley, is known for his work on television shows like “Picket Fences,” “Chicago Hope,” and “Ally McBeal,” which often feature quirky characters and small-town dynamics.
3. Reportedly, the filmmakers had difficulty getting real NHL players to appear in the movie, which is why the New York Rangers are portrayed by actors.
4. The long rendition of the American national anthem by Little Richard before the game was intentionally drawn out by the Mayor of Mystery to keep the Rangers waiting in the cold longer.
5. The movie explores themes of small-town identity, the impact of outsiders on a close-knit community, and the spirit of amateur sports.
6. The movie is loosely based on the 1905 Stanley Cup game between the Dawson City Nuggets and the Ottawa Senators.

Photos

Trailer

This “masterpiece” comes to us from director Julien Temple, a man who I can only assume was under some sort of influence when he agreed to helm this project. The screenplay, we’re told, is based on a song. A song! That’s like building a skyscraper on a cocktail napkin. But hey, who am I to judge? Maybe this is the dawn of a new era in storytelling, where catchy tunes are all you need to launch a full-length feature. Starring Geena Davis as the aforementioned blonde, and featuring the likes of Jeff Goldblum, Jim Carrey, and Damon Wayans as the, wait for it, furry aliens, “Earth Girls Are Easy” seems determined to assault your senses with its sheer ridiculousness. So grab your popcorn, adjust your expectations to subterranean levels, and prepare for a movie that will either leave you scratching your head in disbelief or maybe, just maybe, make you crack a smile at its sheer, unadulterated silliness.

Review by Ben Dover

Well, I just spent a good chunk of my afternoon watching “Earth Girls Are Easy,” and let me tell you, my brain feels like it’s been through a spin cycle with a load of mismatched socks. This movie is something alright. Something… else. It’s like someone took a bunch of leftover ideas from a Frankie Avalon beach party movie, sprinkled in some rejected Muppet designs, and then set the whole thing to a soundtrack that sounds like it was ripped straight from a Jane Fonda workout video. And you know what? Despite myself, I chuckled a few times. Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age, or maybe the sheer audacity of this film just wore me down.

The plot, if you can even call it that, revolves around Valerie, played by Geena Davis. She’s a manicurist in the Valley who dumps her cheating doctor fiancé (good riddance, I say, doctors these days!). Then, wouldn’t you know it, three furry aliens crash-land in her swimming pool. These aren’t your typical little green men, mind you. These fellas are covered in brightly colored fur and act like a bunch of overgrown puppies who haven’t quite figured out how Earth works. Valerie, being the kind soul that she is (or maybe just incredibly naive), takes them in and, with the help of her equally air-headed friend Candy, played by Julie Brown, gives them a makeover, which involves shaving off all that ridiculous fur to reveal… well, three surprisingly hunky guys underneath. Go figure.

From there, it’s a whirlwind of the aliens trying to understand our strange human customs, which mostly involves watching a lot of television and hitting the local nightclubs. There are musical numbers that pop up out of nowhere, fashion choices that should be illegal, and enough 80s clichés to make your head spin. Jeff Goldblum plays the blue furry alien Mac, and he actually manages to bring a bit of charm to the whole chaotic mess. Jim Carrey, as the red alien Wiploc, is his usual rubber-faced self, though surprisingly restrained for his standards. Damon Wayans plays the yellow alien Zeebo, mostly grooving and looking confused, which, to be fair, is probably how most of the audience feels while watching this.

Now, let’s talk about the “special” effects. Well, the alien spaceship looks like it was made out of spare parts from a washing machine, and the furry alien costumes… bless their hearts. They’re so cheap and cheerful they almost have a certain charm. Almost. The music is pure 80s cheese, full of synthesizers and upbeat tempos that will either get your foot tapping or make you want to jam knitting needles into your ears. There’s no in-between.

All in all, “Earth Girls Are Easy” is a cinematic oddity. It’s dumb, it’s goofy, and it’s about as subtle as a foghorn in a library. But there’s a strange, almost innocent joy to its ridiculousness. It’s the kind of movie you watch when you want to turn your brain off and just enjoy something so utterly silly that it can’t help but make you smile… a little. Don’t expect high art, folks. Expect something that feels like a sugar rush crossed with a fever dream.

Rating: 2 out of 5 Furries in Space – (I’m still not entirely sure what I just watched, but I didn’t hate every minute of it. That’s saying something, isn’t it?)

Who Stars In It?

• Geena Davis as Valerie Gail: A manicurist in the San Fernando Valley who has recently broken up with her fiancé. Davis won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for “The Accidental Tourist” the year before this film came out.
• Jeff Goldblum as Mac: A blue, furry alien who is curious about Earth culture. Goldblum is known for his roles in “Jurassic Park” and “Independence Day.”
• Jim Carrey as Wiploc: A red, furry alien who is energetic and eager to experience Earth. This was one of Carrey’s earlier film roles before his breakout in the “Ace Ventura” movies.
• Damon Wayans as Zeebo: A yellow, furry alien who enjoys music and dancing. Wayans was a cast member on the sketch comedy show “In Living Color.”
• Julie Brown as Candy Pink: Valerie’s friend and the manager of the “Curl Up & Dye” salon. Brown is a comedian, singer, and writer who also co-wrote the screenplay.
• Charles Rocket as Dr. Ted Gallagher: Valerie’s cheating ex-fiancé. Rocket was a cast member on “Saturday Night Live.”
• Michael McKean as Woody: A surfer dude who befriends the aliens. McKean is known for his roles in “This is Spinal Tap” and “Best in Show.”

Thoughts on Special Effects

The special effects in “Earth Girls Are Easy” are about as sophisticated as a child’s drawing. The alien spaceship looks like a prop that was hastily constructed out of cardboard and tin foil. The furry alien costumes, while colorful, are clearly just that – costumes. You can practically see the seams. However, there’s a certain low-budget charm to it all. It fits the overall tone of the movie, which doesn’t take itself seriously for a single second. It’s the kind of movie where you can appreciate the effort, even if the execution is… well, let’s just say it’s not winning any awards for visual effects.

Thoughts on Music

The soundtrack to “Earth Girls Are Easy” is a time capsule of late 1980s pop music. It’s full of upbeat, catchy tunes with plenty of synthesizers and drum machines. There are original songs written for the movie, as well as some recognizable hits from the era. The musical numbers are integrated into the story in a somewhat haphazard way, but they definitely add to the overall sense of fun and silliness. If you have any nostalgia for 80s music, you might find yourself tapping your foot along. If not, you might find it grating. Personally, it reminded me of a lot of the garbage my kids used to listen to back then, but at least it was energetic.

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

Valerie Gail, a bubbly manicurist living in the San Fernando Valley, is having doubts about her fiancé, Dr. Ted Gallagher. Her suspicions are confirmed when she catches him cheating with a nurse. Heartbroken and furious, Valerie kicks Ted out and decides she needs a change.

Meanwhile, on a distant planet, three furry aliens named Mac, Wiploc, and Zeebo are traveling through space. They pick up a broadcast of Earth women and become fascinated. Their ship malfunctions, and they crash-land in Valerie’s swimming pool.

Valerie is shocked to find the three colorful, furry creatures in her yard. Initially scared, she soon takes pity on them and brings them inside. With the help of her friend Candy, the manager of the local “Curl Up & Dye” salon, they decide to give the aliens a makeover to help them blend in. This involves shaving off their fur, revealing three handsome men underneath.

Despite the language barrier, the aliens quickly learn English by watching television and begin to explore Earth culture. Mac develops a romantic interest in Valerie, and she finds herself drawn to his kind and curious nature, a stark contrast to the shallow Ted.

The group goes on various adventures, including a trip to a nightclub where the aliens’ unique dance moves cause a stir. They also have a run-in with the police due to a misunderstanding. Through it all, Valerie and Mac’s connection deepens.

Famous Quotes

1. Mac: “Are we limp and hard to handle?” (A misinterpretation of a television commercial, spoken with genuine concern.)
2. Candy: “Men – give ’em enough rope and they’ll dig their own graves.” (Candy’s unique brand of wisdom.)
3. Wiploc: “Wanna dance with a zero?” (His attempt at a pickup line.)
4. Zeebo: (Mostly communicates through enthusiastic noises and gestures.)
5. Valerie: “This is the Valley. Finland is the capital of Norway.” (A geographically challenged statement.)

Notes From the Movie

1. The movie is based on a song of the same name by Julie Brown, who also stars in and co-wrote the film.
2. This film features early roles for both Jim Carrey and Damon Wayans, both of whom would go on to become major comedy stars. They both appeared on the sketch comedy show “In Living Color” shortly after this movie.
3. The vibrant and colorful production design is a deliberate choice to reflect the over-the-top aesthetic of the 1980s San Fernando Valley culture.
4. Director Julien Temple is known for his work on music videos and documentaries, which likely influenced the musical and visually stylized aspects of the film.
5. Despite a modest box office performance upon its release, “Earth Girls Are Easy” has gained a cult following over the years for its sheer absurdity and nostalgic charm.

Photos

Trailer

Notes:

This movie shall from now on be named Furries in Space.

Quite possibly the worst opening effects of all time, only surpassed by Space Truckers effects

The visuals on this are best described as if someone ate a Spencer’s Gifts, a Blockbuster video store, and a Claire’s jewelry store, drank a gallon of Bartles & Jaymes, and threw it all up on Julie Brown’s tits.

I can’t believe I am saying this, but this might have been a lot better (think so bad its good like Rocky Horror) if it had more musical numbers.

Who knew that Goldblum was sexy once.

That nipply swimsuit is a choice for Geena Davis I suppose, I’m not complaining.

The Damon Wayans dance off was hilarious and I never could decide if they were changing the hairstyle on the stunt dancer on purpose for comedy or if it was just badly done, it was funny, just not sure whether it was intentional.

Jim Carrey absolutely stands out in this and you can see what he could do way ahead of his famous parts.

Charles Rocket (Ted) I was doing my research and ran across this weird line/fact…
Was found dead in a field near his Connecticut home on October 7, 2005, his throat had been cut. He was 56 years old. The state medical examiner later ruled the death a suicide. … What???

I will say that Julie Brown is a comedic genius this movie was based on her songs.

Does it hold up? Well it wasn’t good then, so hold up wouldn’t be the right words, but its a fun watch in a group to laugh at the movie if that’s what your after.

Prepare for a yuletide adventure that’s as naughty as it is nice! “Bad Santa 2” is back with all the raunchy humor, heartwarming moments, and outrageous characters you’ve come to expect from this twisted holiday franchise. But is it worth your time and money? Let’s find out in this candid review.

Review by Ben Dover

“Bad Santa 2” picks up where the first film left off, with our beloved alcoholic and misanthropic Santa, Willie T. Stokes (Billy Bob Thornton), back in action. This time, he’s teamed up with his trusty sidekick, Marcus (Tony Cox), to rob a charity for children on Christmas Eve. But things quickly go awry when Willie’s estranged mother, Sunny (Kathy Bates), enters the picture, adding a whole new level of chaos and dysfunction to the mix.

This movie goes a long way to proving that sometimes Hollywood can take a perfectly good movie and beat it like a rented mule. “Bad Santa 2” is what happens when studios decide that comedy is like a Christmas fruitcake – you can keep reheating it long after its expiration date.

Billy Bob Thornton returns as Willie T. Stokes, looking like he’s aged about as gracefully as my first marriage. Thirteen years after the original, Willie is still a walking disaster, but now he’s less shocking and more just… sad. It’s like watching your alcoholic uncle try to recreate his glory days at a family reunion nobody wanted to attend.

The plot, if you can call it that, involves Willie teaming up again with Marcus (Tony Cox) to rob a Chicago charity during Christmas. Because apparently, lightning can strike twice in the same thoroughly inappropriate place. Kathy Bates joins the cast as Willie’s mother, playing a criminal so terrible she makes Willie look like a boy scout. Their relationship is less “heartwarming family comedy” and more “how many felonies can we commit together?”

Brett Kelly returns as Thurman Merman, the weird kid from the first movie, now slightly older but no less bizarre. He’s like that one relative everyone in the family knows is strange but keeps inviting to Christmas dinner anyway. His continued presence is both disturbing and weirdly endearing.

Where the first “Bad Santa” felt like a razor-sharp comedy with genuine heart, this sequel feels like a photocopy of a photocopy. The jokes are louder, cruder, and somehow less funny. It’s trying so hard to shock that it forgets to actually be clever. The original movie was offensive in a way that felt brutally honest. This feels like offensive for offense’s sake.

The comedy is so forced it’s like watching your dad try to use teenage slang. Every joke is cranked up to eleven, but volume isn’t comedy. It’s just noise. The film seems to believe that more profanity and more crude behavior automatically equals more laughs. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

Thornton looks like he’s doing this purely for the paycheck. His performance lacks the raw, broken energy of the first film. He’s not so much a character as he is a collection of bad behavior clichés walking around in a Santa suit.

Bottom Line: A sequel that proves not every cult classic needs a follow-up. This is the cinematic equivalent of getting socks for Christmas – disappointing, slightly embarrassing, and something nobody actually wanted.

Rating: 2/5 Martinis (And both of these are going directly into my system before, during, and after the movie)

Fun Fact: The movie made a mere $24 million worldwide, proving that even die-hard fans of the original weren’t buying what this sequel was selling.

Budget: $26,000,000 (estimated)
Gross worldwide: $24,079,268

Memorable Quote: “I’m too old for this sh*t.” – Willie, which feels less like a line of dialogue and more like Billy Bob Thornton’s actual internal monologue along with just being outright theft.

Best Scene: Honestly? The credits rolling, signaling the end of this mess.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need several drinks to wash away the memory of this film.

Ben Dover has been advised by multiple film critic associations to stop watching holiday comedies that arrive 13 years too late. He continues to do so anyway.

Who Stars in This Mess?

• Billy Bob Thornton as Willie T. Stokes
• Tony Cox as Marcus
• Brett Kelly as Thurman
• Kathy Bates as Sunny Stokes
• Christina Hendricks as Diane

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

“Bad Santa 2” is a raunchy, barely funny film skipping it will keep the mempry of the first one in your mind much better.

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

“Bad Santa 2” follows Willie T. Stokes, a washed-up alcoholic and mall Santa, as he teams up with his partner, Marcus, to rob a charity for children on Christmas Eve. But their plans are thrown off when Willie’s estranged mother, Sunny, enters the picture. Sunny is a manipulative and abusive woman who is determined to get her hands on Willie’s money. As Christmas Eve approaches, Willie and Marcus must find a way to pull off their heist and escape Sunny’s clutches.

5 Famous Quotes from “Bad Santa 2”

1. “I’m not a bad person, I’m just a drunk with a bad attitude.”
2. “I’m not a regular Santa, I’m a cool Santa.”
3. “Ho, ho, ho, motherfuckers!”
4. “I’m not going to hell, I’m going to Disneyland.”
5. “I’m not a kid anymore, I’m a grown-ass man.”

5 Interesting Notes from “Bad Santa 2”

1. The film was directed by Mark Waters, who also directed “Mean Girls” and “Freaky Friday.”
2. The film was NOT a box office success, grossing just barely it’s budget worldwide.
3. The film received mixed reviews from critics, but it was generally well-received by audiences.
4. The film is the second installment in the “Bad Santa” franchise.
5. The film was released on November 23, 2016.

Trailer

Reviewer Notebook:

Robbing a charity makes me hate this in the first place, pick something everyone hates and it might have worked a lot better.
Credit to Kathy Bates for nearly saving this mess.
One line I will remember from her: “If you got a problem with that take it up with the lollipop guild.”
Never thought I would see Christina Hendricks get effed against a dumpster. They should have set it on fire.

Review by Ben Dover:
Rating: 3/5 Martinis (I needed extra drinks to swallow the plot holes)

Home Alone 2 follows the same basic formula as its predecessor. Kevin, left behind by his family on Christmas Eve, finds himself stranded in New York City. While navigating the big city, he encounters a pair of bumbling burglars, Harry and Marv, who are determined to rob a toy store. Kevin, using his ingenuity and a plethora of booby traps, sets out to foil their plans and save the day.

If the first “Home Alone” was a Christmas miracle, this sequel is like finding coal in your stocking – not terrible, but you know somebody’s just going through the motions. It’s 1992, and apparently, the McCallister family STILL hasn’t learned about basic headcounting or possibly investing in some child tracking devices.

This time, our pint-sized sadist Kevin (Macaulay Culkin) doesn’t get left at home – oh no, that would be too obvious. Instead, he gets on the wrong plane and ends up in New York City, which in 1992 was about as family-friendly as my ex-wife at an alimony hearing. Instead of ending up dead in an alley (which would’ve been a much shorter movie), Kevin checks into the Plaza Hotel with his father’s credit card. And people say kids today don’t have life skills.

The Plaza Hotel scenes feature a young Donald Trump in a cameo that aged about as well as my first marriage. But the real star is Tim Curry as the hotel concierge, who suspects Kevin is up to no good. Curry plays the role like he’s auditioning for a Broadway show about suspicious hotel staff, and it’s glorious.

Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern return as Harry and Marv, now calling themselves the “Sticky Bandits” instead of the “Wet Bandits” because apparently, criminal rebranding is a thing. These two must have the same medical insurance as Wile E. Coyote because they endure even MORE physical trauma than in the first movie. We’re talking bricks to the face, electrocution, and a fall that would’ve turned normal humans into sidewalk pizza. Either they’re secretly superhuman, or this movie takes place in the same universe as “Unbreakable.”

The violence in this one makes the first movie look like “Sesame Street.” Kevin has clearly evolved from home defender to future serial killer, creating traps that would make Jigsaw from “Saw” take notes. There’s something deeply disturbing about watching a child gleefully inflict near-fatal injuries while Christmas music plays in the background. It’s like “Die Hard” for the juice box crowd.

Catherine O’Hara returns as Kevin’s mom, once again proving that the McCallisters are the worst travelers since the Donner Party. She spends the movie running around New York like a caffeinated squirrel, which is actually a pretty accurate portrayal of most tourists in Manhattan.

The movie does have its moments. The scene in the toy store (Duncan’s Toy Chest) captures some genuine Christmas magic, right before Kevin turns the city into his personal torture chamber. And I’ll admit, watching Kevin outsmart the hotel staff is more entertaining than it should be, probably because I’ve had similar fantasies about outsmarting my credit card company.

Bottom Line: It’s like when your kid asks you to tell the same bedtime story again – you know it won’t be as good as the first time, but you go along with it anyway. It’s bigger, louder, and more violent than the original, kind of like my second wife.

Fun Fact: This movie made $359 million worldwide, proving that lightning can strike twice, especially if you’re carrying a car battery through a flooded basement.

Memorable Quote: “Down the hall and to the left.” – Donald Trump, delivering what might be the most honest directions ever given to a lost child in New York.

Best Scene: When the bird lady teaches Kevin about second chances, right before he goes back to committing multiple felony assaults. Nothing says “Christmas spirit” quite like emotional whiplash.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go cancel my credit cards before my grandkids figure out how to book themselves into the Four Seasons.

Ben “Get Off My Lawn” Dover has been banned from the Plaza Hotel for asking too many questions about their security protocols. His wife says he’s no longer allowed to watch movies involving precocious children or creative uses of tools.

Synopsis: Home Alone 2 follows the story of Kevin McCallister, a young boy who is accidentally left behind by his family on Christmas Eve. This time, instead of being home alone, Kevin finds himself stranded in New York City. While navigating the big city, he encounters a pair of bumbling burglars, Harry and Marv, who are determined to rob a toy store. Kevin, using his ingenuity and a plethora of booby traps, sets out to foil their plans and save the day.

Plot Breakdown: The film begins with the McCallisters preparing for their Christmas vacation in Florida. However, in the midst of the chaos, Kevin accidentally boards the wrong plane and ends up in New York City. Left to fend for himself, Kevin checks into the Plaza Hotel and encounters a variety of eccentric characters, including the eccentric Mr. Duncan and the kind-hearted pigeon lady. Meanwhile, Harry and Marv, having just escaped from prison, are planning to rob a toy store on Christmas Eve. Kevin, unaware of their plans, befriends a group of pigeons and uses them to spy on the burglars. As Christmas Eve approaches, Kevin sets up a series of elaborate booby traps throughout the hotel to foil Harry and Marv’s plans. With the help of his newfound friends and his own ingenuity, Kevin manages to outsmart the burglars and save the day, just in time for Christmas.

5 Famous Quotes from Home Alone 2:

• “Keep the change, ya filthy animal!” – Kevin McCallister
• “Have you ever seen a grown man naked?” – Kevin McCallister
• “I’m not a kid, I’m a man with a plan!” – Kevin McCallister
• “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!” – Kevin McCallister
• “I’m not alone, I’ve got my friends.” – Kevin McCallister

5 Interesting Notes from Home Alone 2:

• The film was originally titled Home Alone 2: Kevin in New York.
• The film was shot on location in New York City, including the Plaza Hotel and Central Park.
• The film features a cameo appearance by Donald Trump, who plays himself.
• The film was a box office success, grossing over $359 million worldwide.
• The film was nominated for two Academy Awards, for Best Original Score and Best Sound Editing.

Trailer:

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York Trailer

Review by Ben Dover
Rating: 4.5/5 Martinis (I’m still drinking, but this time it’s to celebrate)

Look, I’ve seen enough Christmas movies to make Santa himself go into early retirement, but “Christmas Vacation” is the rare holiday film that actually gets it right. It’s like finding out your mother-in-law’s not coming for Christmas dinner – a genuine miracle.

Chevy Chase is hilarious as Clark W. Griswold, the world’s most determined family man since Ward Cleaver, but with none of the common sense. Chase, who’s usually about as subtle as a kick to the chestnuts, perfectly captures the manic desperation of a man trying to create the perfect family Christmas. It’s like watching my neighbor Steve try to outdo everyone’s Christmas lights display, but funnier and with less chance of a power grid failure. Beverly D’Angelo is also great as Clark’s wife, Ellen who deserves sainthood for putting up with his shenanigans. She’s always the voice of reason in a movie that has about as much reason as a caffeinated squirrel. Speaking of squirrels, that Christmas tree scene still makes me laugh harder than watching my neighbor Steve fall off his roof while hanging lights last year.

The genius of this movie is that it knows exactly what Christmas with family is really like. You’ve got Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) showing up unannounced in his RV, emptying his chemical toilet into the storm drain – which is exactly what the holidays feel like sometimes. And before you ask, yes, I have a Cousin Eddie in my family. We all do. If you think you don’t, you ARE the Cousin Eddie.

The supporting cast is perfect, from the snooty neighbors (who remind me of the jerks who keep complaining about my lawn) to the ancient aunt who wraps up her cat as a present. Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays one of the neighbors, years before she’d go on to “Seinfeld” and make way more money than I’ll ever see in my lifetime.

What makes this movie work is that it captures everything horrible about Christmas – the family tensions, the pressure to create perfect memories, the impossible expectations – and makes you laugh at all of it. When Clark finally loses it and goes on his bonus rant, I stood up and applauded in the theater back in ’89. My wife still hasn’t forgiven me for spilling my popcorn on the lady in front of us.

The slapstick is actually funny (unlike today’s movies where people just get hit in the groin for 90 minutes), the one-liners are quotable (“Sister, when you’re going to put on your robe?” still kills me), and the sentiment, when it comes, feels earned instead of shoved down your throat like that fruitcake nobody wants.

Sure, there are some parts that wouldn’t fly today. Cousin Eddie alone would trigger more Twitter outrage than a politician at a duck hunting contest. But that’s part of its charm. It’s like that ugly Christmas sweater your aunt gave you – inappropriate, but somehow perfect.

Bottom Line: This is the Christmas movie for people who hate Christmas movies. It’s like looking into a mirror of your own holiday disasters, but funnier and with less property damage. Watch it with your family, especially the ones you want to strangle with tinsel. You’ll feel better knowing the Griswolds have it worse. Overall, I highly recommend “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” It’s a hilarious and heartwarming film that is perfect for the holiday season.

Now excuse me while I go outside and make sure my own Christmas lights aren’t attracting aircraft.

Ben “Get Off My Lawn” Dover still holds the record for longest continuous string of Christmas light-related profanity in Connecticut (1992). His wife reports he watches this movie every year while muttering “That’s exactly what happened to me” under his breath.

Cast

• Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold
• Beverly D’Angelo as Ellen Griswold
• Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddie
• Juliette Lewis as Audrey Griswold
• Johnny Galecki as Rusty Griswold
• John Candy as Uncle Buck
• Brian Doyle-Murray as Todd Griswold
• Diane Ladd as Aunt Bethany
• Doris Roberts as Aunt Norma
• Ian Roberts as Cousin Bill
• Julianne Roberts as Cousin Cathy
• Alex Morris as Cousin Billy
• Oksana Grigorieva as Cousin Olga
• Catherine O’Hara as Mrs. Stone
• Paul Gleason as Mr. Shirley

Best Special Effects

• The scene where Clark electrocutes himself
• The scene where the Griswold family’s Christmas lights go haywire
• The scene where Cousin Eddie’s RV breaks down

Music

• “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams
• “Jingle Bells” by James Lord Pierpont
• “Silent Night” by Franz Gruber
• “O Come, All Ye Faithful” by John Francis Wade
• “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” by Thomas Riley

Memorable Quote: “When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.” – Clark Griswold, speaking for frustrated dads everywhere.

6 More Famous Quotes from “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”

1. “Cousin Eddie, you’re such a slob!” – Clark Griswold
2. “I’m gonna get that turkey!” – Clark Griswold
3. “Shiner! Shiner! Shiner!” – Cousin Eddie
4. “I’m not a bad guy. I just do bad things.” – Clark Griswold
5. “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!” – Clark Griswold
6. “Merry Christmas… Kiss my ass.” – Clark Griswold

5 Interesting Facts about “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”

1. The film was originally going to be called “National Lampoon’s Christmas Blues.”
2. The film was shot on a budget of $27 million. (Probably less than what Clark’s electric bill would have been in real life.
3. The film was a box office success, grossing over $171 million worldwide.
4. The film was nominated for a People’s Choice Award for Favorite Comedic Movie.
5. The film is now a cult classic and is enjoyed by millions of people every year.

Review Notes:

I love the cute cartoon opening
Chevy is really kind of a old fashioned misogynist jerk here, ogling tits like he has never seen a pair and jeez his wife has the best pair in the business.
Now THIS movie is basically slapstick!
Randy Quaid is amazing in this.
Bad green screen in the sledscene

Trailer