Review by Ben Dover
Rating: 4.5/5 Martinis (I’m still drinking, but this time it’s to celebrate)

Look, I’ve seen enough Christmas movies to make Santa himself go into early retirement, but “Christmas Vacation” is the rare holiday film that actually gets it right. It’s like finding out your mother-in-law’s not coming for Christmas dinner – a genuine miracle.

Chevy Chase is hilarious as Clark W. Griswold, the world’s most determined family man since Ward Cleaver, but with none of the common sense. Chase, who’s usually about as subtle as a kick to the chestnuts, perfectly captures the manic desperation of a man trying to create the perfect family Christmas. It’s like watching my neighbor Steve try to outdo everyone’s Christmas lights display, but funnier and with less chance of a power grid failure. Beverly D’Angelo is also great as Clark’s wife, Ellen who deserves sainthood for putting up with his shenanigans. She’s always the voice of reason in a movie that has about as much reason as a caffeinated squirrel. Speaking of squirrels, that Christmas tree scene still makes me laugh harder than watching my neighbor Steve fall off his roof while hanging lights last year.

The genius of this movie is that it knows exactly what Christmas with family is really like. You’ve got Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) showing up unannounced in his RV, emptying his chemical toilet into the storm drain – which is exactly what the holidays feel like sometimes. And before you ask, yes, I have a Cousin Eddie in my family. We all do. If you think you don’t, you ARE the Cousin Eddie.

The supporting cast is perfect, from the snooty neighbors (who remind me of the jerks who keep complaining about my lawn) to the ancient aunt who wraps up her cat as a present. Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays one of the neighbors, years before she’d go on to “Seinfeld” and make way more money than I’ll ever see in my lifetime.

What makes this movie work is that it captures everything horrible about Christmas – the family tensions, the pressure to create perfect memories, the impossible expectations – and makes you laugh at all of it. When Clark finally loses it and goes on his bonus rant, I stood up and applauded in the theater back in ’89. My wife still hasn’t forgiven me for spilling my popcorn on the lady in front of us.

The slapstick is actually funny (unlike today’s movies where people just get hit in the groin for 90 minutes), the one-liners are quotable (“Sister, when you’re going to put on your robe?” still kills me), and the sentiment, when it comes, feels earned instead of shoved down your throat like that fruitcake nobody wants.

Sure, there are some parts that wouldn’t fly today. Cousin Eddie alone would trigger more Twitter outrage than a politician at a duck hunting contest. But that’s part of its charm. It’s like that ugly Christmas sweater your aunt gave you – inappropriate, but somehow perfect.

Bottom Line: This is the Christmas movie for people who hate Christmas movies. It’s like looking into a mirror of your own holiday disasters, but funnier and with less property damage. Watch it with your family, especially the ones you want to strangle with tinsel. You’ll feel better knowing the Griswolds have it worse. Overall, I highly recommend “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” It’s a hilarious and heartwarming film that is perfect for the holiday season.

Now excuse me while I go outside and make sure my own Christmas lights aren’t attracting aircraft.

Ben “Get Off My Lawn” Dover still holds the record for longest continuous string of Christmas light-related profanity in Connecticut (1992). His wife reports he watches this movie every year while muttering “That’s exactly what happened to me” under his breath.

Cast

• Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold
• Beverly D’Angelo as Ellen Griswold
• Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddie
• Juliette Lewis as Audrey Griswold
• Johnny Galecki as Rusty Griswold
• John Candy as Uncle Buck
• Brian Doyle-Murray as Todd Griswold
• Diane Ladd as Aunt Bethany
• Doris Roberts as Aunt Norma
• Ian Roberts as Cousin Bill
• Julianne Roberts as Cousin Cathy
• Alex Morris as Cousin Billy
• Oksana Grigorieva as Cousin Olga
• Catherine O’Hara as Mrs. Stone
• Paul Gleason as Mr. Shirley

Best Special Effects

• The scene where Clark electrocutes himself
• The scene where the Griswold family’s Christmas lights go haywire
• The scene where Cousin Eddie’s RV breaks down

Music

• “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams
• “Jingle Bells” by James Lord Pierpont
• “Silent Night” by Franz Gruber
• “O Come, All Ye Faithful” by John Francis Wade
• “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” by Thomas Riley

Memorable Quote: “When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.” – Clark Griswold, speaking for frustrated dads everywhere.

6 More Famous Quotes from “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”

1. “Cousin Eddie, you’re such a slob!” – Clark Griswold
2. “I’m gonna get that turkey!” – Clark Griswold
3. “Shiner! Shiner! Shiner!” – Cousin Eddie
4. “I’m not a bad guy. I just do bad things.” – Clark Griswold
5. “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!” – Clark Griswold
6. “Merry Christmas… Kiss my ass.” – Clark Griswold

5 Interesting Facts about “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”

1. The film was originally going to be called “National Lampoon’s Christmas Blues.”
2. The film was shot on a budget of $27 million. (Probably less than what Clark’s electric bill would have been in real life.
3. The film was a box office success, grossing over $171 million worldwide.
4. The film was nominated for a People’s Choice Award for Favorite Comedic Movie.
5. The film is now a cult classic and is enjoyed by millions of people every year.

Review Notes:

I love the cute cartoon opening
Chevy is really kind of a old fashioned misogynist jerk here, ogling tits like he has never seen a pair and jeez his wife has the best pair in the business.
Now THIS movie is basically slapstick!
Randy Quaid is amazing in this.
Bad green screen in the sledscene

Trailer

Review by Ben Dover:
Rating: 2.5/5 Martinis (Because that’s what I needed to get through this)

Look, I’ve been reviewing movies since before Bill Murray had gray hair, and I’ve seen “A Christmas Carol” adapted more times than I’ve had hot dinners. But 1988’s “Scrooged” really takes the fruitcake when it comes to missing the point of Dickens’ classic tale.

Murray plays Frank Cross, a TV executive who’s about as warm and cuddly as my ex-wife’s lawyer. The movie tries to modernize the Scrooge story by setting it in the cutthroat world of television, which is about as original as reheating leftover turkey. Murray, who I usually enjoy more than my morning bourbon, seems to be doing his “Ghostbusters” schtick minus the charm. It’s like watching your uncle try to be cool at a Christmas party – painful, but you can’t look away.

The special effects look like they were done by the same folks who make those cheap commercials for local furniture stores. The Ghost of Christmas Past is a cab driver who probably learned his trade in New York City, given how violently he drives through Frank’s memories. The Ghost of Christmas Present is Carol Kane, who beats Murray senseless with various household objects this was my personal favorite thing to happen in this turkey. Very festive. Just what Dickens had in mind, I’m sure.

Now, I’ll admit there are moments where this turkey actually takes flight. Murray has a few scenes where he reminds us why he’s Bill Murray and not some hack from a sitcom. And Karen Allen (who I had a crush on since Raiders of the Lost Ark – don’t tell my wife) brings some actual heart to this cynical cash grab. But these moments are rarer than a quiet teenager at the mall. I feel bad because I know that I wasn’t supposed to be rooting for Bobcat, but I was.

The finale, where Murray’s character has his big emotional breakthrough, goes on longer than a DMV line. He literally breaks the fourth wall and starts preaching to the audience about the spirit of Christmas. Kid, I get my sermons at church, not from a guy who made “Meatballs.”

The movie’s message about the soulless nature of television is about as subtle as a punch in the face from the Ghost of Christmas Present (which actually happens in the film – several times). It’s like being lectured about healthy eating by Ronald McDonald.

The music is great though save one horrible cover that awful cover of “Put a Little Love in Your Heart” that plays at the end. It’s the kind of song that makes you wish the Ghost of Christmas Future would take you right then and there. I really hated the talking to the audience though as it was just stupid on streaming. The film features a number of classic Christmas songs, as well as some original compositions by Danny Elfman.

Bottom line: Is “Scrooged” the worst Christmas movie ever made? No, that honor still belongs to “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.” Is it worth watching? Maybe after a few eggnogs, or if you’re stuck at your in-laws’ house and the remote is broken. Murray saves it from being a complete disaster, but just barely.

At least it’s better than those Hallmark Christmas movies my wife watches. Those things are scarier than any ghost Charles Dickens ever dreamed up.

Fun Fact: The budget for this movie was $32 million – apparently, most of it went to Murray’s salary and whatever they were smoking when they wrote the script.

Cast:

• Bill Murray as Frank Cross
• Karen Allen as Claire Randall
• Bob Hoskins as Harry Henshaw
• Alfre Woodard as Rachel Jacobs
• Paul Gleason as Brice Hallstrom
• Carol Kane as Carol Kane
• Robert Mitchum as Mr. Potter
• John Forsythe as The Ghost of Christmas Past
• David Johansen as The Ghost of Christmas Present
• Angela Lansbury as The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

Memorable Quote:

“The bitch hit me with a toaster.” – Frank Cross, speaking what we’re all thinking about Carol Kane’s violent Christmas spirit.

5 More Famous Quotes from “Scrooged”

• “I’m not a bad guy. I’m just misunderstood.” – Frank Cross
• “You’re a mean old Scrooge, Frank Cross.” – The Ghost of Christmas Past
• “You’re a selfish, greedy, miserable old man.” – The Ghost of Christmas Present
• “You’re dead, Frank Cross. You’re dead!” – The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come
• “I’m a changed man, Bob. I’m a changed man!” – Frank Cross

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go yell at some kids to get off my lawn.

Cast

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

Frank Cross is a mean and selfish television executive. He is so obsessed with getting ratings that he doesn’t care about anything else. On Christmas Eve, Cross is visited by three ghosts: the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present, and the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. The ghosts show Cross the error of his ways and he is transformed into a kind and generous man.

5 Famous Quotes from “Scrooged”

• “I’m not a bad guy. I’m just misunderstood.” – Frank Cross
• “You’re a mean old Scrooge, Frank Cross.” – The Ghost of Christmas Past
• “You’re a selfish, greedy, miserable old man.” – The Ghost of Christmas Present
• “You’re dead, Frank Cross. You’re dead!” – The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come
• “I’m a changed man, Bob. I’m a changed man!” – Frank Cross

5 Interesting Facts about “Scrooged”

• The film was originally going to be called “The Christmas Spirit.”
• Bill Murray was not the first choice to play Frank Cross. The role was originally offered to Michael Keaton.
• The film was a box office success, grossing over $60 million.
• “Scrooged” was nominated for two Academy Awards: Best Art Direction and Best Costume Design.
• The film has become a cult classic and is enjoyed by many people today, just not me.

Review Notes:

I would rather be watching “The Night the Reindeer Died”
Father Loves Beaver (OK not cool, funny, but not cool)
Boy Bobcats voice gives him away instantly although he looks quite nondescript.
I do kind of love diabolical Bill Murray, would be a better movie if he stayed that way.
Charles Dickens would want to see her nipples (So 1988)
This cab ride is going to give me a conniption fit.
Is it wrong that I really kind of want Bobcat to kill Bill Murray

Trailer:

This dark action-comedy takes Santa out of the North Pole and throws him into a world of government contracts, spoiled brats, and deadly assassins. It’s a wild ride that will leave you wondering if you should be laughing or cringing. One thing’s for sure, you’ll never look at Santa the same way again.

Review by Ben Dover: Goggins and Gibson Chew up the screen.
3 out of 5 Bad Santa’s

“Fatman” is a bizarre, offbeat film that somehow manages to be both entertaining and disturbing. This is a holiday flick for anyone who’s ever thought Santa could use a shot of whiskey and a night at the shooting range, namely Me. Mel Gibson, as always, delivers a solid performance, even if he does seem a bit too comfortable wielding a shotgun. The premise is ridiculous, but the film somehow pulls it off, thanks to some sharp writing and a talented cast.

The plot is as crazy as it sounds: a disillusioned Santa facing off against a hired assassin in a bloody showdown. And Gibson, with his gruff voice and “seen-it-all” demeanor, brings a weird sort of gravitas to the role of Santa. He’s not here to spread cheer; he’s here to get the job done and maybe punch a few bad guys along the way. It’s a bit of an odd choice for a Christmas movie lead, but let’s be honest—Mel Gibson playing a cranky, disillusioned Santa isn’t that much of a stretch.

Mel Gibson plays Chris Cringle, a bitter, downtrodden Santa who’s struggling to keep his North Pole business afloat. Turns out, kids aren’t exactly making the “nice” list these days, and with declining morale and profits, Santa has to take a government contract to stay in the black. Yeah, it’s that kind of movie—a Christmas story where Santa’s getting paid by Uncle Sam. And if that’s not wild enough, a spoiled rich kid hires a hitman to take Santa out after getting a lump of coal in his stocking. Who’s the hitman? None other than Walton Goggins, who seems to be having the time of his life playing a contract killer with a grudge against jolly old Saint Nick.

As for Walton Goggins, he’s the standout in this holiday spectacle. His character, Skinny Man, is a hitman with a personal vendetta against Santa, and he brings that special brand of Goggins’ manic energy to every scene. Watching him methodically hunt down Santa feels like a fever dream you’d have after watching Die Hard on repeat and eating too many candy canes.

Now, Fatman doesn’t exactly deliver the kind of warm and fuzzy Christmas vibes you’d get from It’s a Wonderful Life or Elf. It’s dark, violent, and more than a little twisted. But somehow, there’s a weird sort of Christmas spirit buried under all the blood and bullets. At its core, the movie’s really about finding hope in a world that’s lost its way—though admittedly, it finds that hope by way of high-caliber weaponry and a grumpy Santa who isn’t afraid to fight back.

The action sequences are surprisingly well-done, and the film has a dark sense of humor that will appeal to those who like their Christmas movies with a side of cynicism. However, the film’s biggest flaw is its uneven tone. It can’t quite decide whether it wants to be a full-blown action flick or a dark comedy, and it ends up feeling a bit disjointed.

It’s a twisted Christmas flick that combines action, dark humor, and a whole lot of “what the heck am I watching?” moments. Just don’t expect Santa to be spreading much goodwill—unless it’s with a side of buckshot.

Despite its flaws, “Fatman” is a unique and entertaining film that’s sure to become a cult classic. It’s not for everyone, but if you’re looking for something different this holiday season, give it a shot. Just don’t expect to see Santa and his reindeer flying through the sky anytime soon.

Starring

• Mel Gibson as Chris Cringle / Santa Claus
• Walton Goggins as Jonathan “Skinny Man” Miller
• Marianne Jean-Baptiste as Ruth Cringle

Special Effects

The special effects are minimal, but effective. The film relies more on practical effects and stunt work, which gives it a more grounded feel.

Music

The film’s score is a mix of traditional Christmas carols and more modern, action-oriented music. It’s an odd combination, but it somehow works.

Rating

3 out of 5 Bad Santa’s

Synopsis

A disillusioned and alcoholic Santa Claus (Mel Gibson) is forced to partner with the U.S. military to save his failing business. Meanwhile, a spoiled rich kid (Chance Hurstfield) hires a ruthless assassin (Walton Goggins) to kill Santa after receiving a lump of coal in his stocking. What follows is a violent and darkly comedic game of cat-and-mouse between Santa and the assassin.

Famous Quotes

1. “I’m not worried about getting on some naughty list. I’ve already been on every list there is.” – Jonathan “Skinny Man” Miller
2. “You think you’re the only one who knows how to deliver?” – Chris Cringle / Santa Claus
3. “I’m not what they say I am.” – Chris Cringle / Santa Claus
4. “It’s not about toys, it’s about work.” – Chris Cringle / Santa Claus
5. “He’s not what you think he is.” – Ruth Cringle

Notes

1. The film was shot in Canada.
2. The film’s original title was “Fatman.”
3. The film was released in theaters and on demand on November 13, 2020.
4. The film received mixed reviews from critics.
5. The film was a box office bomb, grossing only $4.3 million worldwide against a budget of $20 million.

Photos

Trailer

David Harbour trades in his Stranger Things badge for a Santa suit that’s seen better days, and let me tell you, it’s a match made in Christmas chaos heaven. This gravy-blooded version of Kris Kringle looks like he eats cookies and milk for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and could bench press a sleigh full of PS5s. But don’t let the belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly fool you – this Santa’s got more tricks up his sleeve than an elf with a meth habit. “Violent Night” serves up a yuletide beatdown that’ll have you ho-ho-hoping for a sequel faster than you can say “pass the spiked eggnog.” So grab your popcorn, leave your good taste at the door, and get ready for a Christmas miracle that’ll make you feel guilty for enjoying it so damn much.

Review By: Ben Dover

“Santa Slays: ‘Violent Night’ Decks the Halls with Boughs of Carnage”

Let me tell you, I went into this flick expecting another half-baked Christmas cash grab, but ho-ho-holy crap, was I in for a surprise. This movie’s got more balls than a Christmas tree, and I’m not talking about ornaments.

David Harbour as Santa? Genius. The guy looks like he eats cookies and milk for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and could bench press a sleigh full of PS5s. He’s the perfect blend of jolly and jaded, like if your drunk uncle decided to play Santa at the family Christmas party, but could also roundhouse kick a reindeer. He’s the right mix of grumpy and reluctantly heroic, and watching him go full John Wick on a bunch of bad guys while covered in Christmas lights is oddly… heartwarming? It’s like, deep down, we all kind of want to believe Santa can mess someone up if he needs to.

Now, is the plot original? About as original as socks for Christmas. But who cares when it’s this much fun? It’s “Die Hard” in a Santa suit, and if that doesn’t tickle your tinsel, you might be dead inside. Watching St. Nick go full Rambo on a bunch of naughty list rejects is more satisfying than finding an extra present with your name on it.

The action scenes? Crisper than a winter morning and more inventive than an elf on a meth binge. Santa turns Christmas decorations into weapons so creatively, it’ll make you look at your tree topper in a whole new, terrifying light. I haven’t seen this much creative violence since I caught my neighbor trying to fit a 12-foot tree through his front door. People get impaled by icicles, electrocuted with Christmas lights, and—here’s the fun part—it borrows from Home Alone’s DIY trap-making. Except this time, the booby traps actually do real damage, not cartoonish paint-can-to-the-head nonsense. Watching criminals step into a literal wood chipper disguised as a Christmas trap? Chef’s kiss. The movie fully leans into its R-rating, delivering the kind of gory Christmas mayhem you never knew you needed.

Sure, the humor can be as crude as your cousin Eddie after too much eggnog, but it hits more often than it misses. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to hear Santa drop a few F-bombs while dropping bodies? It’s like they took every Christmas movie cliché, fed it steroids, and let it loose in a China shop.

Beneath the carnage and chaotic action sequences, there’s a surprisingly sincere Christmas movie hiding in there. It’s got heart. You almost start to care about the dysfunctional family being held hostage and their quest for survival. Almost. Even the kid in this movie, usually the weak link in these types of flicks, isn’t half bad. She’s got more sass than a teenager on TikTok, but somehow, it works. I found myself rooting for her instead of wishing for a silent night.

Now, is “Violent Night” perfect? Hell no. It’s got more cheese than a Wisconsin gift basket and some of the plot points are as thin as dollar store wrapping paper. But you know what? Sometimes you need a little naughty mixed in with your nice.

In a world full of sappy, cookie-cutter Christmas movies, “Violent Night” is like finding a shot of whiskey in your hot chocolate. It’s not for everyone, but for those of us tired of the same old sugarplum fairy tales, it’s a great Christmas miracle.

In conclusion, Violent Night is the ultimate guilty pleasure Christmas flick. It’s a mashup of action, dark comedy, and holiday spirit, all rolled into a bloody, festive ball. Sure, it’s absurd. Yes, it’s over-the-top. And absolutely, it’s the kind of movie you’ll only watch with people who share your sense of humor. But if you’ve ever wanted to see Santa Claus dish out holiday justice with a sledgehammer, this movie’s a gift you won’t want to return. So, grab your popcorn, leave your good taste at the door, and enjoy this gloriously gory Christmas romp. “Violent Night” gets four and a half blood-splattered candy canes out of five from this old Grinch. It’s the perfect antidote to saccharine holiday cheer, and the best time I’ve had at the movies since they stopped letting you smoke in the theater.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go reinforce my chimney. Can’t be too careful these days.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Santas. It loses half a Santa for making me feel guilty about enjoying it so damn much. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

Notes:

Rating:  R (Some Sexual References | Language Throughout | Strong Bloody Violence)
Runtime: 1 hour 52 minutes
Gross worldwide: $
Budget: $ (estimated)

Body Count: 43 (44 counting Santa’s brief death before resurrecting with Christmas magic)

Scrooge asks Santa Claus “All right, who the hell are you really, huh? Some security guard who’s watched too many action flicks?”, which echoes Hans Gruber’s question to John McClane in Die Hard (1988): “You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child?”

Santa’s powers are all based on belief. When even he is doubting himself, that’s when he has problems getting up a chimney or pulling the right gift out of his sack. When Trudy, and later Santa himself, begin to express belief in him, Santa finds himself better able to hold his own in a fight. Where in the beginning one mook was able to nearly kill him, when Santa gains a new hammer, he can now take on a squad of highly trained mercenaries with ease.

Many allusions to Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990): John Leguizamo as a terrorist. An army unit meant to save the day, is actually working with the terrorists. An icicle is used to kill a terrorist. Snowmobiles play a part in the ending.

When checking on Trudy Lightstone, Santa finds her on the Nice list. Her list includes hilariously that she “invited weird kid to party”

The logo on the catering company van is called “Farkus and Dill” after the bullies in A Christmas Story (1983).

Quotes:

Alva: Morgan’s going to save us.
Gertrude: Jean-Claude Van Dipshit just ditched us, sweetie.

Bert: Grandma, your Wi-Fi sucks dick. Dammit!
Gertrude: [to Alva] When he was small, I begged you to beat him.

Santa Claus: [after blowing up bad guy with grenade] Ho Ho holy shit.

Linda: [as they beat up Krampus] Well, it’s nice to do something as a family for a change.

Scrooge: Alright, who the hell are you really, huh? Some security guard who’s watched too many action flicks? Some loser ex-cop stuck in a mall playing dress-up with fat kids pissing on your lap? Stop me when I get it right.
Santa Claus: It’s a little more complicated than that.
Scrooge: Not to me, it’s not. Because I want to make it my personal mission, my holiday to-do list, to find you, and to end you, and to wipe my ass with you, and this whole fucking holiday. That’s what I want for Christmas, Santa.
Santa Claus: That is a terrible thing to want for Christmas. But maybe you and I should discuss that in person. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Critics Consensus:

Critics 73% Audience 88% Rotten Tomatoes

This ain’t your grandma’s Christmas movie, unless your grandma’s idea of holiday cheer involves watching St. Nick turn bad guys into human fruitcake. “Violent Night” serves up a yuletide beatdown that’ll have you ho-ho-hoping for a sequel faster than you can say “pass the spiked eggnog.”

IMDb: Violent Night (2022)
Rotten Tomatoes: Violent Night (2022)
Metacritic: Violent Night (2022)

Trailer: