Directed by James Mangold, this psychological whodunit operates on a classic Agatha Christie locked-room setup with a gritty early-2000s slasher makeover. While the isolated victims scramble to pinpoint the killer among them, a parallel storyline unfolds in a courtroom where a condemned killer awaits a midnight sanity hearing. It promises plenty of rain, paranoia, and a web of bizarre coincidences that will keep viewers guessing right until the final reveal.

Review by Ben Dover

“Come for the motel massacre, stay for the ending that will make you throw your remote across the room.” – Ben

I had to dig through three different streaming apps on my television just to find this thing, and let me tell you, modern streaming menus were clearly designed by teenagers with attention spans of five seconds. Half an hour of scrolling past twenty different superhero sequels just to watch a movie from 2003 where it rains for an hour and a half straight. I am sixty years old, my joints ache when the humidity goes up five percent, and watching John Cusack stand in ankle-deep mud for ninety minutes almost gave me pneumonia through the screen.

The story is your standard setup. Ten miserable people get stuck at a motel in the middle of nowhere during a freak storm, and somebody starts wiping them out. You have the limousine driver, the spoiled washed-up actress, the cop hauling a dangerous prisoner, a nervous newlywed couple, a call girl trying to start an orange grove, and a bickering family. It is basically Ten Little Indians, except everyone has cell phones the size of bricks that naturally have zero signal. If kids today had to live without cell service for ten minutes like these people, they would drop dead on the spot.

Now, I will give credit where credit is due. For the first hour, this thing actually hooked me. Mangold knows how to build suspense without throwing cheap jump scares at my face every thirty seconds like the garbage they put in theaters today. The pacing moves along nicely, the kills are nasty and unexpected, and John Cusack brings that trademark grumpy competence that makes him fun to watch when he is not brooding in a trench coat.

Then the big twist hits, and good grief, did somebody lose their mind in the writer room. Without spoiling it too much in this section, the movie decides to pull the rug out from under you so hard that the entire murder mystery you spent an hour caring about essentially stops mattering. It thinks it is so clever, but all it really did was make me realize I was emotionally invested in an imaginary game of chess. I like a good mystery where you can actually piece together the clues, not one where the screenwriter just flips the table and shouts gotcha.

Still, it is leagues better than the computer-generated nonsense coming out nowadays. It has actual tension, real practical gore, and actors who look like real human beings instead of filtered social media models. If you can stomach a ridiculous third-act gimmick that will make you roll your eyes straight into the back of your skull, it is a fun enough Friday night watch from your recliner.

Cast

• John Cusack (Ed Dakin): A former cop turned private limousine driver who ends up taking charge when bodies start piling up. Cusack does what he always does: looks drenched, talks fast, and plays a stressed-out professional.
• Ray Liotta (Rhodes): A tense, aggressive corrections officer transporting a dangerous convict. Liotta brings his usual twitchy intensity, which immediately makes you suspicious of every single thing he does.
• Amanda Peet (Paris Nevada): A Las Vegas escort on her way to Florida to buy an orange grove and turn her life around. She ends up being the emotional anchor of the whole group.
• John Hawkes (Larry Washington): The nervous, sketchy motel night manager who clearly has plenty of things to hide, mostly regarding petty theft and general weirdness.
• Alfred Molina (Dr. Malick): The defense psychiatrist trying to prove that a condemned serial killer named Malcolm Rivers is legally insane before he gets executed at midnight.
• Pruitt Taylor Vince (Malcolm Rivers): The convict whose midnight sanity hearing frames the entire murder mystery.
• Rebecca De Mornay (Caroline Suzanne): An arrogant, faded Hollywood diva stranded in the limo, complaining about everything until she abruptly stops complaining forever.
• John C. McGinley (George York): A frantic family man whose wife gets hit by the limousine at the start of the night.
• Clea DuVall and William Lee Scott (Ginny and Lou Ismael): The bickering newlywed couple who cannot go two minutes without screaming at each other.
• Jake Busey (Robert Maine): The wild-eyed, handcuffed convict in transit.

Special Effects and Music

The special effects are mostly old-school practical makeup and atmospheric staging, which is a massive relief compared to the cartoon CGI that infests modern movies. The gore is punchy, blunt, and looks painful, especially when people are getting shoved into laundry dryers or having baseball bats rammed down their throats. The rain and storm effects do get a little overbearing, to the point where you wonder how the motel roof is not collapsing under five million gallons of water, but it sets a solid mood.

The musical score by Alan Silvestri does its job without showing off. It uses heavy strings and unsettling brass cues to spike the tension whenever someone wanders into a dark room alone, which happens about forty times because movie characters never learn basic survival instincts.

Rating

★★★☆☆ (3 out of 5 Stars)

A better movie BEFORE the twist.

Plot Breakdown and Synopsis

The film opens with a midnight sanity hearing for a death row inmate named Malcolm Rivers, who is scheduled for execution in less than twenty-four hours. His psychiatrist, Dr. Malick, and his defense attorney have discovered misplaced psychiatric journals demonstrating that Malcolm suffers from severe dissociative identity disorder, hoping to stay the execution on grounds of legal insanity.

Simultaneously, out in the Nevada desert, a severe storm forces multiple travelers to take refuge at an isolated roadside motel managed by a nervous man named Larry. The guests include Ed, an ex-cop driving a washed-up actress named Caroline; a family dealing with an injured mother struck by Ed’s car; a newlywed couple named Lou and Ginny; an escort named Paris heading to Florida; and an officer named Rhodes transporting an escaped convict named Maine.

Shortly after arriving, Caroline is decapitated in the motel laundromat, and the killer leaves behind the Room 10 key with her head. Chaos erupts as the survivors suspect Maine, the prisoner, who soon manages to escape his restraints. However, Maine is quickly found dead with a baseball bat shoved down his throat, accompanied by the Room 9 key. One by one, the guests are murdered in descending order of room keys.

While investigating, Ed discovers a series of bizarre patterns: all ten stranded guests share the exact same birthday, May 10th, and every single one of their names is derived from a U.S. state or state capital.

The story then reveals its massive twist: the motel murders are not occurring in the physical world at all. They are happening entirely inside the fractured psyche of Malcolm Rivers. Under Dr. Malick’s intensive psychiatric treatment, Malcolm’s mind is executing an internal exercise to eliminate his various split personalities so that only his core, non-violent identity remains.

As the survivors dwindle inside his mind, Ed discovers that Rhodes is actually an escaped convict who killed the real transport officer and stole his uniform. Ed sacrifices his own mental avatar to gun down Rhodes, believing he has destroyed the murderous persona and left only the peaceful Paris alive to cultivate her Florida orange grove.

Back in reality, the judge accepts the insanity defense and remands Malcolm to a psychiatric institution. However, during the transport ride, Malcolm retreats back into his internal mindscape. Paris arrives at her new orange grove, only to find the Room 1 key buried in the dirt. Timmy, the young boy from the stranded family who faked his death earlier in the storm, reveals himself as the true homicidal personality. He kills Paris inside the mindscape, while the real Malcolm brutally strangles Dr. Malick and the transport van driver in the physical world.

5 Quotes

“As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today, I wish, I wish he’d go away.”

“Who says I want to go to heaven?”

“You know, you’re not the only one who can change.”

“There is no orange grove!”

“When I was a kid, my mother told me that character is what you do when no one is looking.”

5 Interesting Facts

• The opening poem recited throughout the film is based on the 1899 poem “Antigonish” by Hughes Mearns, which was inspired by reports of a ghost roaming a stairway in Antigonish, Nova Scotia.
• Every single character stranded at the motel is named after a U.S. state or state capital: Ed Dakin (South/North Dakota), Rhodes (Rhode Island), Paris (Paris, Texas), Caroline (North/South Carolina), Larry (Washington), George York (New York), Ginny (Virginia), Lou (Louisiana), Maine (Maine), and Suzanne (Susanne/Montana).
• Director James Mangold and his crew used massive overhead water rigs that dumped over two thousand gallons of water per minute to simulate the torrential Nevada storm on set.
• Pruitt Taylor Vince, who plays Malcolm Rivers, has an involuntary eye condition called nystagmus, which causes his eyes to dart rapidly side to side, a trait that the filmmakers used to heighten his character’s psychological instability… Freaks me out every time I see him. – Ben
• The entire motel was built specifically for the production on a soundstage and a movie ranch in Santa Clarita, California, designed to give the director total control over the artificial storm environment.

Photos

Trailer

Action fans looking for something fast and loud on their streaming devices have a fresh target on their home screens this week. Hitman: Agent 47 serves as a high-octane reboot of the popular video game franchise, bringing the bald, barcode-tattooed assassin back to the big screen format. Directed by Aleksander Bach in his feature directorial debut, the story kicks into high gear across the streets of Berlin and Singapore as a ruthless syndicate tries to unlock the secrets behind genetically engineered super-killers.

The plot centers on Agent 47, an elite hitman built from birth to be the ultimate killing machine, who tracks down a young woman named Katia in search of her missing father. Filled with stylized gunfights, high-speed car chases featuring custom Audis, and high-tech corporate espionage, the movie skips complex storytelling in favor of non-stop adrenaline. If you are looking for an easy action fix on your couch without having to think too hard, this release promises plenty of noise and flying bullets.

Review by Ben Dover

Look, I usually hate video game movies. They are made for teenagers who sit in dark rooms eating cheese puffs and screaming into plastic headsets all night. So when I picked up my remote control to watch Hitman: Agent 47 on streaming, I was fully prepared to throw my shoe at the television set. But to my complete shock, this ridiculous movie is actually a blast. It is stupid, it is loud, and it makes zero logical sense, but it knows exactly what it is and does not waste my time trying to be high art.

Rupert Friend plays Agent 47, a guy with no hair, no facial expression, and a red tie that makes him look like an angry bank manager who lost his desk. In the video games, you are supposed to sneak around in disguises like a ghost. In this movie, 47 just walks right into the middle of a busy city plaza and shoots fifty guys in broad daylight. Is it subtle? Not at all. Is it entertaining? Absolutely. He flips cars, uses exploding handcuffs, and walks away from giant fireballs without even blinking his eyes.

Then you have Zachary Quinto playing a guy named John Smith. Smith starts off acting like he wants to protect the girl, Katia, played by Hannah Ware. But halfway through the movie, you find out Smith is actually a bad guy who injected himself with metal under his skin. That means bullets literally bounce off his ribs. It sounds completely insane because it is insane. The two of them beat each other up inside a jet engine testing facility, and later a helicopter flies straight through the front window of an office building lobby. It is totally absurd, and that is why I enjoyed every minute of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I still found plenty of things to hate. The dialogue sounds like it was written by a ten-year-old boy who drank three cans of energy drink. Today’s youth probably think this passes for profound screenwriting, but it is just trashy popcorn dialogue. Also, Katia suddenly gets super-assassin instincts just by taking a deep breath and looking at shadows. That is complete nonsense. But compared to the pretentious three-hour snooze fests Hollywood pumps out every week, a ninety-minute action mess was a breath of fresh air.

If you go into this expecting an Oscar-winning performance, you deserve to lose your subscription money. But if you want to turn off your brain, crack open a cold beer, and watch a bald guy blow up half of Singapore, Hitman: Agent 47 gets the job done. It is trash, but it is top-tier trash that kept this cranky old man awake on a Tuesday night.

Cast

• Rupert Friend as Agent 47:The bald, genetically modified assassin who wears a sharp suit, never smiles, and treats every room like a target range.
• Hannah Ware as Katia van Dees:A mysterious woman searching for her lost father who discovers she has hyper-senses and lethal combat skills of her own.
• Zachary Quinto as John Smith: A rogue operative working for Syndicate International who upgraded his body with sub-dermal titanium armor.
• Ciarán Hinds as Dr. Piotr Litvenko:The original scientist who created the Agent program decades ago before going into hiding out of guilt.
• Thomas Kretschmann as Antoine Le Clerq: The ruthless head of Syndicate International who spends the entire movie sitting in a safe room giving orders.

Special Effects

The special effects are a wild mixed bag of practical stunts and cheesy digital computer graphics. The real vehicle stunts, like a bright red Audi getting pinned down by high-power cables in a garage, look fantastic and feel grounded. On the flip side, the computer-generated helicopter crashing into the skyscraper looks like footage from a video game made twenty years ago. The digital blood spray also looks pretty cheap, but the fast martial arts fights and explosion setups move so quickly that you barely have time to care.

Music

Composer Marco Beltrami handles the soundtrack, and it sounds like someone threw a synthesizer down a long flight of stairs while a bass drum kept banging. It is full of loud electronic beats and heavy metallic clanging designed to keep your heart racing during shootouts. You will not be humming any of these songs in the shower tomorrow morning, but it fits the high-tech, mechanical feel of the action sequences perfectly.

Rating

3.5 out of 5 Stars – Look I get it, it’s not good, but its exactly what it says it is, and that’s refreshing.

Editors Note: Ben Dover actually enjoyed a video game movie, somebody check the weather in hell!

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

The movie opens with a historical recap explaining the creation of the Agent program. Decades ago, scientist Dr. Piotr Litvenko created genetically modified human beings with superior physical strength, lightning-fast reflexes, and high intelligence, while completely wiping out their capacity for fear or empathy. Realizing he created heartless monsters, Litvenko destroyed his research and went into hiding. Years later, a powerful organization called Syndicate International attempts to recreate the program, but they fail because they lack Litvenko’s exact genetic formula.

Syndicate International tracks down Katia van Dees, a young woman living in Berlin who suffers from extreme sensory overload and panic attacks. They figure out that Katia is Litvenko’s daughter and believe she holds the key to tracking him down.An operative named John Smith finds Katia first, claiming he wants to protect her from a legendary assassin known as Agent 47. When 47 attacks them inside a subway station, Smith pulls Katia away into hiding.

Agent 47 corners Katia inside a secure embassy building and reveals the truth. Smith is actually working for Syndicate International and was surgically enhanced with titanium body armor. Furthermore, 47 explains that Katia is not just Litvenko’s daughter, she is actually “Agent 90,” a prototype endowed with heightened spatial awareness. Instead of trying to kill her, 47 was sent to help her locate her father before the Syndicate can capture him.

Using Katia’s hyper-sensory abilities, the duo pinpoints Litvenko’s location at the Gardens by the Bay in Singapore. They travel there and reunite Katia with her ailing father, but Syndicate forces track them down. A major firefight breaks out, resulting in Litvenko being captured and taken to the top floor of Syndicate International’s high-tech skyscraper headquarters.

Agent 47 and Katia launch a full assault on the Syndicate tower. Katia uses her newly embraced assassin skills to take down guards, while 47 guns down hordes of mercenaries in the lobby and elevator shafts. On the helipad rooftop, 47 defeats John Smith by shocking him with high-voltage electrical cables. Meanwhile, Syndicate CEO Antoine Le Clerq tries to escape in a helicopter with Litvenko. Litvenko detonates a hidden explosive inside his asthma inhaler, destroying the helicopter and killing both himself and Le Clerq. Back inside, 47 and Katia are confronted by Agent 48, a clone sent to finish them, setting up one last battle.

Famous Quotes

1. “You are bound by your emotions. That is why you will fail.”
2. “It’s five against one.” / “Yes, see your mistake?”
3. “You can’t fight what you are.”
4. “My name is not Katia. It’s 90.”
5. “You are not a person. You are a weapon.”

Interesting Facts

1. Actor Rupert Friend performed the vast majority of his own physical stunts and martial arts fight choreography throughout the film.
2. Paul Walker was originally cast to play Agent 47, but after his tragic passing in 2013, Rupert Friend took over the lead role.
3. The movie was filmed extensively on location in Berlin and Singapore, making it one of the major Hollywood action movies allowed to shoot in Singapore’s Gardens by the Bay.
4. Director Aleksander Bach made his feature film directorial debut with this project after spending years directing high-budget television commercials.
5. The bright red Audi RS7 featured during the Berlin car chase sequence was specially provided and tuned by Audi specifically for the film’s driving stunts.

Photos

Trailer

Lionsgate’s adaptation of a story Stephen King wrote decades ago under a different name. The film takes place in an alternate version of the United States where the government has turned into a total military police state. To keep the poor people from complaining about the terrible economy, the military hosts a massive, televised event every year where fifty young men from across the country are forced to walk until they drop dead.

Directed by Francis Lawrence, who previously handled those other movies about teenagers fighting each other in a futuristic arena, this story strips away the glamorous costumes for a much grittier look. The premise is as simple as it gets. If these kids stop walking or slow down below three miles per hour, they get three warnings before the soldiers shoot them on the spot. The last teenager left standing gets a giant pile of cash and a wish granted by the dictator in charge. It is a bleak look at human endurance that aims to test the patience of theater audiences just as much as it tests the feet of its young characters.

Review by Ben Dover

I sat on my couch to watch this because my knees hurt just looking at the poster. Kids these days complain if they have to walk from the house to the mailbox, so watching fifty of them get forced into a marathon at gunpoint felt like a bizarre senior citizen fantasy at first. The movie is based on a book Stephen King wrote when he was using a fake name, probably because even he knew that a story about guys just walking down a dirt road for two hours sounds like a punishment. Director Francis Lawrence tries to turn a basic hike into a psychological nightmare, and for the most part, he actually pulls it off, even if it made me want to yell at the screen for these kids to pull up their pants and move faster.

The main kid is played by Cooper Hoffman, who spends the entire movie looking like he just realized he left the oven on at home. His character volunteers for this literal death march to help his mother, which is the only relatable thing any teenager does in this whole script. He makes friends with another walker played by David Jonsson, and they spend miles whining about their feelings, their ex-girlfriends, and how much their blisters hurt. I know today’s youth loves to overshare on the internet, but doing it while a guy with a rifle is tracking your speed seems like bad time management.

My biggest gripe with this whole setup is how dumb these kids are. They know the rules. If you slow down below three miles per hour, the soldiers give you a warning, and after three strikes, you get a bullet in the head. Yet, within the first twenty minutes, some dummy gets a leg cramp and immediately takes a dirt nap. You would think these video game obsessed teenagers would have better stamina from jumping around in their virtual realities, but apparently not. They drop like flies because they cannot handle a brisk walk through New England.

What I did love was Mark Hamill playing the villainous dictator known as the Major. Luke Skywalker himself shows up looking like a mean old military boss, shouting condescending nonsense through a microphone to inspire patriotism. He is completely unhinged and acts like a strict principal at a high school detention from hell. Every time he came on screen, the movie got ten times better, mostly because he looked just as annoyed with these teenagers as I was.

Even though I liked the tension and the gritty, no nonsense atmosphere, I hated how the movie dragged in the middle. It is literally just hours of watching people sweat and hobble down a paved road. There are times when the scenery does not change for twenty minutes, and you start to wonder if the camera operator fell asleep on the dolly tracker. It is a good thriller, but you might need a cup of strong coffee to get through the slow patches where nothing happens except teenage existential dread.

Who Stars

• Cooper Hoffman plays Raymond Garraty, the boy from Maine who enters the walk to get revenge against the government and save his family from poverty. He is the emotional anchor of the movie, meaning he does the most crying.
• David Jonsson plays Pete McVries, the smooth talking walker who becomes Ray’s best buddy and helps him stay motivated when his feet start giving out.
• Mark Hamill stars as the Major, the terrifying military leader who runs the event with an iron fist and treats the deaths of children like a fun afternoon sport.
• Charlie Plummer plays Gary Barkovitch, a total jerk of a contestant who spends his time taunting the other boys and waiting for them to die.
• Judy Greer plays Ray’s mother, who gets a few minutes at the beginning to look utterly devastated and beg her son not to go.

Special Effects

There are no giant exploding spaceships or purple alien monsters here. The special effects are mostly just blood, dirt, and disgusting close-ups of ruined feet. When the soldiers shoot a boy for slowing down, the violence is sudden, loud, and messy. The makeup team deserves an award or a psychological evaluation for how realistic those infected blisters and bloody shoes looked. It made my own corns hurt just watching it.

Music

The score was put together by Jeremiah Fraites, a guy from that band The Lumineers. Instead of loud, annoying pop music that kids listen to today, the music is mostly quiet, acoustic, and depressing. It fits the mood perfectly because it sounds like a funeral march played on a rusty guitar, though a few times it got so quiet I thought my soundbar had kicked into power saving mode.

Rating

3.5 out of 5 Stars – I have seen turtles move faster than these kids, but at least the turtles do not whine about their ex-girlfriends.

Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

The story kicks off in an alternate timeline where a massive civil war ruined the United States and left the country under a totalitarian military dictatorship. To distract the starving public from the awful economy, the government runs a sick reality show called the Long Walk. Fifty boys are chosen by a lottery system, given basic rations, and told to start walking from the Canada border. The rules are brutal. Maintain a speed of three miles per hour or get shot after three warnings. The last one alive wins a massive fortune and a wish. Ray Garraty from Maine says goodbye to his sobbing mother and joins the line.

As soon as the Major fires his pistol, the boys start walking down the highway. At first, they joke around and think it is a game, but reality hits fast when a kid named Curly gets a muscle cramp, drops below the speed limit, and gets executed right in front of them. Ray forms an alliance with a few guys, including a nice guy named Pete McVries and a loudmouth named Hank Olson. Over the next few days, the walk turns into a war of attrition. Boys go crazy from sleep deprivation, some try to run away into the woods and get gunned down, and others simply collapse from exhaustion.

By the fifth day, the walk has covered over three hundred miles in the pouring rain. Hank Olson loses his mind from delirium, tries to assault the guards, and gets shot to death. The group of fifty has dwindled down to just a handful of broken, bleeding teenagers entering a major city where crowds of creepy citizens are cheering them on like they are at a football game. Barkovitch, the annoying bully of the group, finally breaks down and dies, leaving only Ray and Pete as the final two contestants.

In the final stretch, Pete’s body completely gives out, and he sits down on the pavement. Ray tries to drag his friend to his feet, but Ray is so exhausted that he stops moving too. The Major arrives in person to finish the game. In a shocking twist, the Major executes Ray instead because Ray stopped first, declaring Pete the official winner. When the Major asks Pete what his grand prize wish is, Pete demands a soldier’s rifle, shoots the Major dead on the spot, and walks away down the empty, silent street into the fog.

Famous Quotes

1. “Walk or die.”
2. “The true sickness of the nation isn’t poverty, but laziness.”
3. “We are all going to die out here, Garraty. Some of us just have the decency to do it quicker.”
4. “Keep your pace up, boy. That rifle doesn’t care about your blisters.”
5. “I just want to go home to my mother.”

Notes and Interesting Facts

1. The movie is based on the first novel Stephen King ever completed, though it was not published until years later under his Richard Bachman pseudonym.
2. Director Francis Lawrence used his experience directing the Hunger Games movies to help capture the grim atmosphere of kids fighting for survival in a government game.
3. The film was shot on location to give the long, endless highways an authentic, depressing New England look.
4. Unlike the book which featured one hundred boys, the movie adaptation scaled the number of walkers down to fifty to focus more on individual character development.
5. Mark Hamill took on the role of the Major after years of doing voice acting, bringing a genuinely creepy, commanding presence back to live action cinema.

Photos

Trailer

Unlike the high-flying antics of Armageddon or the utter stupidity of Geostorm, Greenland focuses on the crumbling social order and the desperate lengths a father will go to save his family. With a ticking clock and fragments of space debris leveling major cities, it’s a race against time that asks a simple question: when the world is ending, who actually gets a seat on the lifeboat? The film promises tension, a few tears, and enough property damage to make an insurance adjuster weep.

Review by Ben Dover

So, I sat down to watch Greenland, mostly because my grandson wouldn’t stop talking about “cinematic stakes,” a phrase I’m 90% sure he heard on a YouTube video made by a kid who hasn’t hit puberty yet. This movie stars Gerard Butler, a guy who usually spends his time saving the President from various buildings, but here he plays a structural engineer. He’s Scottish, but living in Atlanta, and apparently, he’s the only guy in America who knows how to pour concrete because the government sends him a “Golden Ticket” to a bunker. Must be nice. I can’t even get a call back from the cable company, but Butler gets a personal invite to survive the end of the world.

The whole premise is that a comet is coming to kill us all. They named it “Clarke,” which sounds more like a guy who’d try to sell you a used Honda than an extinction-level event. Anyway, things go south fast. Butler, his wife (played by Morena Baccarin, who is far too pretty to be married to a guy who looks like he sleeps in a gym bag), and their kid try to get to the airbase. But wait! The kid has diabetes. Of course he does. In every one of these movies, there’s a kid with a medical condition that requires a specific pill or shot at the worst possible moment. Back in my day, we just had asthma and we dealt with it. This kid loses his insulin every five minutes, and it becomes the main plot point. If I were the comet, I’d hit the car just to stop the whining.

What I actually liked—and I hate saying I liked anything—was how fast people turned into absolute animals. You give a group of humans forty-eight hours to live, and suddenly everyone is a kidnapper or a carjacker. It felt realistic. I’ve seen people act worse at a Golden Corral during the early bird special. The movie doesn’t rely on some scientist in a lab coat explaining “science-y” garbage for twenty minutes; it just shows the panic. Butler actually does a decent job of looking terrified rather than like a superhero. He’s sweaty, he’s tired, and he’s constantly losing his family. At one point, they get separated, and I thought, “Great, now we have to watch them find each other for an hour.” Spoiler alert: they do. It’s a movie.

By the time they get to the bunkers in Greenland, I was mostly rooting for the comet. The logic of who gets to live is based on your job. If you’re a doctor or an engineer, you get in. If you’re a movie critic or a guy who writes “thought partner” bios, you’re toast. I can respect that. The ending is a bit mushy for my taste—lots of hugging and “we made it” looks while 99% of the population is currently being vaporized. But hey, it kept me off the lawn for two hours, so it wasn’t a total disaster.

The Stars

• Gerard Butler as John Garrity: The man is a professional at looking like he’s having a very bad day. He plays an engineer who spends more time running than engineering.
• Morena Baccarin as Allison Garrity: She spends the movie being stressed out, which is fair considering the sky is falling. She’s the brains of the operation.
• Roger Dale Floyd as Nathan Garrity: The son with the insulin issues. He’s fine, but if he loses that bag one more time, I’m calling the comet myself.
• Scott Glenn as Dale: The father-in-law. He’s the only sensible person in the movie. He stays behind on his farm with a shotgun and a bottle of whiskey. That’s my kind of guy.

Special Effects & Music

The effects are actually pretty good for a movie that didn’t have a Marvel-sized budget. When the comet fragments hit, you feel it. It’s not just big explosions; it’s the shockwaves and the fire in the sky. It looks scary. The music is just a lot of loud “BWAHH” noises and violins trying to make you feel sad. It works, I guess, but I had to turn my hearing aid down twice.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

(Three stars. It’s better than the usual garbage, but I’m still annoyed about the insulin.)

Full Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

The story begins with John Garrity, a structural engineer trying to patch up his marriage with his wife, Allison, and their young son, Nathan. A comet named Clarke is passing near Earth, and everyone thinks it’s just a cool light show. Suddenly, John gets a “Presidential Alert” on his phone telling him he and his family have been selected for emergency sheltering. While his neighbors are literally begging him for help, a “small” fragment hits Tampa and levels the entire state of Florida.

The Garritys race to Robins Air Force Base, but things go wrong. Nathan’s insulin is left in the car, John goes back for it, and while he’s gone, the military discovers Nathan has diabetes. Apparently, the “new world” has no room for chronic illnesses, so they are rejected. Allison and Nathan are kicked out, John boards a plane but jumps off when he realizes they aren’t there, and then the base is overrun by a mob and blown to smithereens.

The family spends the middle of the movie separated. Allison and Nathan are kidnapped by a couple who wants their “access wristbands,” while John hitches a ride with a group of survivors where he has to fight for his life against a guy who wants to steal his band. Eventually, they reunite at Allison’s father’s house in Kentucky. They learn about a group of private pilots in Canada flying people to Greenland, where the actual bunkers are located.

They make a mad dash for the border, catch a flight just as the “planet-killer” fragment enters the atmosphere, and land in Greenland under a rain of fire. They barely make it into the bunker before the big one hits. The movie jumps forward nine months; the doors open to a scorched Earth, and radio signals start coming in from other survivors around the globe. Life goes on, I guess.

Famous Quotes

1. “I’m an engineer. I build things.” — John Garrity (trying to convince a soldier he’s useful).
2. “Honey, look at the sky. It’s beautiful.” — A neighbor (seconds before being incinerated).
3. “They’re not taking us because of Nathan.” — Allison Garrity (realizing the government is heartless).
4. “I’m not leaving my home.” — Dale (the only man with any dignity left).
5. “We’re going to be okay. We just have to keep moving.” — John Garrity (saying the thing people always say in these movies).

Interesting Facts

1. The Geostorm Connection: This is the second “end of the world” movie Gerard Butler has done recently, the first being the much stupider Geostorm. He clearly has a contract that requires him to be chased by weather.
2. Scientific Realism: Unlike most disaster flicks, the “shockwave” physics in the Tampa scene are actually somewhat accurate to how a large-scale impact would behave.
3. The “Clarke” Name: The comet is named “Clarke,” likely a nod to Arthur C. Clarke, the famous sci-fi author who wrote Hammer of God, a book about—you guessed it—an asteroid hitting Earth.
4. COVID Delay: The movie was supposed to be a big theatrical release but got shoved to streaming and limited theaters because of the 2020 pandemic. Talk about bad timing for a movie about a global crisis.
5. Bunker Logic: The Thule Air Base in Greenland is a real U.S. military base, though whether it has secret “planet-killer” bunkers is something the government probably won’t tell a guy like me.

Photos

Trailer

Notes

Basic details

• Genre: Apocalyptic survival / disaster thriller.
• Director: Ric Roman Waugh; Writer: Chris Sparling.​
• Main cast: Gerard Butler, Morena Baccarin, Roger Dale Floyd, Scott Glenn, David Denman, Hope Davis.
• Runtime and rating: 119 minutes, rated PG‑13.​
• Plot hook: A comet breaks apart and its fragments devastate cities while one family attempts to reach a secure shelter site designated by the government.​

Plot overview

• John Garrity, his estranged wife Allison, and their young son Nathan are selected for evacuation flights tied to a secret shelter program as comet fragments begin striking Earth.​
• Their journey is repeatedly derailed by separation, civil chaos, and opportunistic or desperate strangers, pushing the story into a road‑movie structure with survival vignettes.
• The narrative ultimately centers on whether they can reunite and make it to the final flights heading toward an underground shelter in Greenland before the extinction‑level impact.

Style and reception

• The film was noted for emphasizing family drama, panic, and moral choices over continuous destruction set‑pieces, which some critics saw as a refreshing approach for the genre.
• Visual effects were often described as mixed—effective in key sequences but not uniformly polished—while performances, especially Butler’s, were frequently singled out as strong for this type of film.
• It received generally positive reviews and grossed about 52.3 million dollars worldwide against a production budget of roughly 35 million dollars.

Release and availability

• Initial plans for a June 2020 theatrical release shifted multiple times due to the COVID‑19 pandemic, resulting in staggered theatrical runs and a big emphasis on premium VOD and digital platforms in various regions.
• It has since appeared on major streaming services in different markets, including availability on Netflix in some regions under its standard disaster‑thriller catalog.​

Sequel

• A sequel titled “Greenland 2: Migration” continues the story after the comet event, with the family leaving the underground shelters to seek a livable new home, and was released in January 2026.​

Links

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greenland_(film)
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz-gdEL_ae8
3. https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/greenland
4. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7737786/
5. https://letterboxd.com/film/greenland/
6. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7737786/reviews/
7. https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/13yv9xx/why_is_greenland_2020_a_great_disaster_film/
8. https://www.netflix.com/title/81277428
9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AyxdYP1SNc

If you are sick and tired of the loudmouths, the morons, and the people who think reality television is actually reality, then have I got a picture for you. God Bless America, directed by that guy who used to scream all the time in the Police Academy movies, is hitting the screens with a message that resonates with anyone who has ever wanted to punch a stranger in the face for talking on their cell phone in a movie theater. It stars Joel Murray—not Bill Murray, but his brother who looks like he’s actually worked a day in his life—as a man who has finally had enough of the stupidity that has infected this country like a bad rash.

The story follows Frank, a guy who gets fired, told he’s dying, and realizes his daughter is a spoiled brat all in one week. Instead of just grumbling about it like a normal person, he decides to take out the trash, literally. He teams up with a teenage girl, which sounds annoying because teenagers usually are, and they go on a road trip across America to silence the rude and the crude. It’s violent, it’s angry, and it’s probably going to offend everyone who likes the Kardashians, which is fine by me.

Review by Ben Dover

Let me tell you something, folks. I usually hate going to the movies these days. You got kids kicking the back of your seat, people texting with their bright screens blinding you, and the movies themselves are usually just loud noises and men in tights. But God Bless America? This movie gets it. It understands that the real problem with this country isn’t the economy or the politics—it’s that people have forgotten how to be decent human beings. They high-five over nothing, they make celebrities out of idiots, and they think being loud is the same thing as being right.

The main guy, Frank, is my kind of hero. He’s not flying around saving the world; he’s just a guy who wants his neighbors to shut up. When he finally snaps, it’s the most satisfying thing I’ve seen since Archie Bunker told Meathead to stifle it. He goes after the people who deserve it: the reality TV stars who are famous for being awful, the political commentators who just scream fear at you, and yes, the people who talk in theaters. I cheered. I actually cheered. Finally, a movie that treats these pests like the bugs they are.

Now, I gotta say, the movie isn’t perfect. Frank gets saddled with this teenage sidekick named Roxy. I don’t understand today’s youth, and I don’t understand her. She’s loud, she’s hyper, and she talks a mile a minute about things I don’t care about. She’s supposed to be the “cool” counterpoint to Frank’s old-man grumpiness, but mostly she just reminded me why I don’t have kids. She convinces him to kill people for reasons that are a bit flimsy, even for me. I mean, killing someone for high-fiving? I hate it too, but maybe just a slap would suffice.

The director, Bobcat Goldthwait, used to be that screeching weirdo in the 80s comedies, but apparently, he’s got a brain in there somewhere. He’s angry, and he’s using this movie to yell at us. Sometimes it feels a little too preachy, like he’s standing on a soapbox shouting at clouds, but I can’t say he’s wrong. The movie is mean, it’s bloody, and it’s cynical. It’s not for the faint of heart or for people who actually enjoy American Idol.

In the end, God Bless America is a fantasy for us grumpy old men. It’s a road trip through the cesspool of American pop culture with a gun in the glove box. It’s violent and nasty, but it made me laugh, and more importantly, it made me feel vindicated. If you’ve ever wanted to throw your remote through the TV screen, go see this movie. Just don’t talk during it, or I might have to pull a Frank on you.

Starring

• Joel Murray as Frank: He’s Bill Murray’s brother, but he’s got that sad, tired look of a man who has been beaten down by life. He’s perfect for this. He doesn’t need special effects to look miserable; he just needs to open his eyes.
• Tara Lynne Barr as Roxy: She plays the teenage girl. She’s good at being annoying and scary at the same time. I wouldn’t let her anywhere near my lawn.
• There’s a lot more, but they mean nothing, this is really just the two main characters with dialogue etc everything else is just filler to tell the story.

Special Effects and Music

Special Effects:

There aren’t any space battles or giant robots here. The special effects are mostly blood squibs. When people get shot, they bleed. It looks messy and cheap, but that fits the movie. It’s not supposed to be pretty; it’s supposed to be ugly.

Music:

The music is a mix of stuff I can actually tolerate. They use “I’m Not Like Everybody Else” by The Kinks, which is a great song about being an outcast. There’s also some Alice Cooper, specifically “School’s Out” and “I Never Cry.” It’s better than the garbage pop music the movie makes fun of. The rest of the score is just noise to fill the silence, nothing to write home about.

Rating

I’m giving this 4.5 out of 5 stars. It’s messy and the girl is annoying, but it speaks the truth about how dumb we’ve become.

Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

The Setup:

Frank is a divorced insurance salesman living a miserable life. His neighbors are loud and rude, his daughter is a spoiled brat who doesn’t want to see him, and he gets fired from his job for sending flowers to a coworker (apparently that’s harassment now). To top it off, his doctor tells him he has a terminal brain tumor.

The Breaking Point:

Frank sits at home watching TV, which is just a parade of stupidity—reality shows about spoiled rich kids, political pundits screaming nonsense, and commercials for energy drinks. He decides to kill himself. But right before he pulls the trigger, he sees a show about a super-spoiled teenage girl named Chloe (think Paris Hilton meets the devil). Something snaps. Instead of killing himself, he decides to kill her.

The Partnership:

Frank steals a car, drives to where Chloe lives, and shoots her. A high school student named Roxy witnesses the murder. Instead of calling the cops, she tracks Frank down and convinces him that she hates the world too. She wants to join him. Frank tries to ditch her, but she’s persistent (like a rash). They agree to go on a killing spree, targeting people who “deserve to die.”

The Spree:

They hit the road. Their targets include reality TV parents, people who use their cell phones in movie theaters (my personal favorite scene), and right-wing religious nuts who protest funerals. It’s a bloodbath of social commentary. However, Frank starts to realize Roxy is a bit unhinged—she wants to kill people for minor annoyances, like high-fiving. Frank tries to keep a “moral code,” only killing the truly cruel, but the lines get blurred.

The Climax:

Frank finds out he doesn’t actually have a brain tumor; the doctor made a mistake. He also finds out Roxy lied about her parents being abusive—they are actually nice, normal people. He feels betrayed and tries to leave, but realizes he has nothing to go back to. He decides to finish what he started. They go to the season finale of “American Superstarz” (a rip-off of American Idol).

The Ending:

They storm the stage with guns. They kill the cruel judges and the audience members who cheer for the humiliation of bad singers. Frank gives a final speech about how America has lost its soul and kindness, celebrating only the loudest and meanest. In the end, the police storm the building. Frank and Roxy, knowing there is no escape, are gunned down in slow motion Bonnie and Clyde style in a callback as they take out the trash. They die, but at least they took some idiots with them.

Famous Quotes from the Movie

1. Frank: “America has become a cruel and vicious place. We reward the shallowest, the dumbest, the meanest and the loudest.”
2. Frank: “Tell him while he’s down there to smell my balls.” (To his ex wife about her new fiancé)
3. Frank: “We no longer have any common sense of decency. No sense of shame. There is no right and wrong. The worst qualities in people are looked up to and celebrated.”
4. Roxy: “You know who deserves to die? People who high five.”
5. Roxy: “Did you just kill Chloe… Awesome.”
6. Frank: “My neighbors are incapable of comprehending that their actions affect other people.”
7. Frank: “I want to kill people who are mean.”
8. Frank: “No one cares if they damage other people.”
9. Roxy: “So You can kill a teenager, but not fuck one” Frank: “Yes”
10. Roxy: You agree with what part of his politics” Frank: “Less gun control of course” Roxy: “Then every nut will have a gun”

Notes and Interesting Facts

• Bobcat’s Voice: The director, Bobcat Goldthwait, is famous for his weird, strangled voice, but in real life, and in his directing, he’s actually quite soft-spoken and articulate. Who knew?
• Falling Down: A lot of people compare this movie to Falling Down (1993) with Michael Douglas. I like Falling Down better because Douglas had a tie, but this one is funnier.
• American Idol: The show in the movie, “American Superstarz,” is a direct attack on American Idol. The judge is clearly supposed to be Simon Cowell. I hate that guy.
• Roxy’s Age: The actress Tara Lynne Barr was around 17 or 18 when they filmed this. She plays a 16-year-old. At least they didn’t hire a 30-year-old to play a teen like they do in those other movies.
• Box Office: The movie didn’t make much money in theaters. It was mostly seen on Video on Demand. Probably because the people it makes fun of are the ones who go to the movies.

Trailer

Reviewer Notes

These are included just to see my thinking, they might not make sense to you, but they were my chicken scratches taken on viewing. (Rated R for my note language and spoilers)

Wow way to open killing a baby.

This TV Channel surfing Frank is doing is way too close to real life. They did it twice and the longer it went on the more I wanted to go on a killing spree. This is why I only stream stuff now, no news

Schools out forever as he kills the schoolgirl is hilarious dark, but funny.

“Did you just kill Chloe… Awesome” LMAO

Roxy is about as crazy as they come, she basically in the hotel room scene convinces Frank to go on a rampage instead of killing himself.

Drive through chick “You guys need some extra napkins” may be the hardest I have laughed at anything in a long time.

Roxy “So You can kill a teenager, but not fuck one” Frank “Yes”

This movie theatre scene was written specifically for my buddy Andy Rice.

The recurring Alice Cooper music and Roxy’s rant was spot on and great.

When they kill the right wing guy in the park the dialogue is hilarious. Roxy: You agree with what part of his politics” Frank: “Less gun control of course” Roxy: “Then every nut will have a gun” _OMG HILARIOUS

He has no tumor… she lied about her parents.. climax time. He sends her home and goes to American Superstarz to end it.

Steve Agee sighting… Are you deaf…dead.

She shows up and he gives a great speech which basically just is repeating all the bad stuff which if anything is just worse today.

and then…. Bonnie and Clyde ending while they take out some more trash.

This movie is satisfying like playing DOOM in God mode just fucking stuff up.

Bobcat is a genius. There is basically someone in this movie dying for everyone’s tastes.

This weekend, if you’re tired of watching superhero movies where nobody actually bleeds, you might want to check out The Wrath of Becky. It’s a sequel to that 2020 flick (Becky) where the guy from Paul Blart: Mall Cop got beat up by a teenager. This time, Lulu Wilson is back as the angriest little girl in America, and she’s taking on a group of political nutjobs who think they’re tough because they have beards and tactical vests.

The story picks up a couple of years later, and Becky is trying to live a normal life, or as normal as you can be when you’ve stabbed a bunch of escaped convicts with colored pencils. But of course, some idiots have to go and mess with her dog. You never mess with the dog! Seann William Scott—yeah, Stifler from American Pie—plays the bad guy this time. It’s gonna be violent, it’s gonna be loud, and I’m gonna need some aspirin.

Review by Ben Dover

Listen here, folks. I usually hate movies starring teenagers because, quite frankly, I don’t understand a word that comes out of their mouths. They mumble, they look at their phones, and they complain about everything. But this Becky kid? She’s different. She doesn’t tweet about her feelings; she expresses them with a crossbow. And I can respect that. The Wrath of Becky is basically Home Alone for psychopaths, and honestly, it’s a breath of fresh air compared to the garbage on TV these days.

The movie starts with Becky living with a nice old lady named Elena. They’re happy, they’re off the grid—which is smart because the government is watching us all, let me tell you—but then a bunch of morons called the “Noble Men” show up. These guys are clearly supposed to be those “Proud Boys” types you see on the news, acting like they’re saving the country while ordering lattes. They make the mistake of insulting Becky and stealing her dog, Diego. Now, I’ve been married for 35 years, and I know one thing: you don’t poke the bear, and you certainly don’t steal a girl’s dog.

What follows is an hour and a half of this little girl absolutely dismantling these grown men. And it is satisfying. I mean, these bad guys are so dumb they probably need instructions to use a doorknob. But watching Stifler—sorry, Seann William Scott—try to be a serious, menacing villain was actually pretty good. He’s got that crazy look in his eyes that reminds me of my neighbor when I mow the lawn too early on Sundays.

Is the movie perfect? No. It tries to be all hip with its political commentary, making fun of “incels” and “fascists,” which I guess is what the kids care about now. Back in my day, we just had bad guys, we didn’t need a manifesto. But the violence is practical—good old-fashioned fake blood and guts, none of that CGI cartoon stuff. If you like seeing bad people step in bear traps, you’ll have a good time. Just don’t bring the grandkids.

Starring

• Lulu Wilson as Becky: This girl is terrifying. She’s got a stare that could curdle milk. She plays the role like a young Rambo, but with more angst.
• Seann William Scott as Darryl: He’s the leader of the “Noble Men.” It’s weird seeing Stifler all serious and bearded, talking about “purity” and “order.” He does a good job, though I kept waiting for him to offer someone a beer.
• Denise Burse as Elena: The nice lady who takes care of Becky. She’s the only normal person in the movie, so naturally, she doesn’t last long.
• Kate Siegel as Agent Montana: She shows up at the end looking like she wandered in from a different movie, probably one of those Netflix horror shows.

Special Effects

Now this is where the movie shines. It’s got gore, and plenty of it. We’re talking heads exploding, arrows through faces, and knives going places knives shouldn’t go. It looks like they used actual corn syrup and red dye, just like the good Lord intended. There’s a scene with a grenade that is particularly messy. It reminded me of the time I tried to fix the garbage disposal—let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

Music

The music is composed by Nima Fakhrara. It’s a lot of screeching and thumping. It fits the movie, I guess, making you feel tense and on edge, kind of like when my wife asks me if I remembered to take out the trash. It’s not something I’d hum in the shower, but it works while people are getting hunted in the woods.

Rating

I’m giving this one 3.5 out of 5 stars. It’s short, it’s violent, and the dog survives. That’s all I really ask for in a movie. It loses points for some of the cringe-worthy dialogue about “woke” culture—just shut up and blow things up already!

Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

Warning: Spoilers ahead. Don’t come crying to me if you read this.

The movie takes place two years after Becky killed those escaped convicts in the first film. She’s been running from foster homes and is now 16, living off the grid with an older woman named Elena and her dog, Diego. They have a nice quiet life until three guys from a group called the “Noble Men” stop at the diner where Becky works. These guys are misogynistic jerks—real winners. Becky spills coffee on the leader, Anthony, on purpose.

The men, being fragile little snowflakes, follow Becky home. They break in, shoot Elena in the head (which really ticked me off), knock Becky unconscious, and steal her dog. When Becky wakes up, she buries Elena and vows revenge. She tracks the men to a remote cabin using the address of their leader, Darryl (Seann William Scott).

It turns out the Noble Men are planning an armed insurrection against a Senator at a town hall meeting the next day. Becky sneaks onto the property and starts doing what she does best: setting traps. She leaves a phone on the porch to taunt them, then starts picking them off. She lures Anthony into the woods and rigs a grenade to his mouth with a tripwire connected to the cabin door. When Darryl opens the door—BOOM. No more Anthony.

Darryl realizes he’s dealing with a psycho. He finds out his men killed Elena and lied about it, so he kills one of his own guys for being incompetent. Becky eventually gets captured (briefly) and meets Darryl’s mother, who is actually the mastermind behind the whole hate group. It’s a real family affair.

Becky escapes, of course. She uses bear traps to kill Darryl—he steps in one, falls, and gets one clamped on his neck. Ouch. Then she takes out the grandma with a knife to the head and lets the dog maul her. With everyone dead, she takes the thumb drive containing the list of all the Noble Men members.

At the end, a CIA agent (Kate Siegel) interrogates Becky. Instead of arresting her for murdering a dozen people, she recruits her. The movie ends with Becky in a black suit, stopping the last surviving Noble Men guy on the road and blowing him up with a rocket launcher. Subtle.

Famous Quotes

• “I’m 16. I’m not a child.” — Becky (Telling everyone she’s grown up, though she acts like a lunatic.)
• “We are the Noble Men.” — Darryl (Said with a straight face, which is the funniest part of the movie.)
• “You killed my mother!” — Becky (Referring to Elena, proving family isn’t just blood.)
• “Well done.” — Darryl (His last words before dying in a bear trap. At least he was polite.)
• “Does this look like a negotiations face?” — Becky (Spoiler: It didn’t.)

Interesting Notes

• Stifler Goes Dark: Seann William Scott is known for comedy, but he plays this role dead serious. It’s unnerving, like seeing a clown at a funeral.
• Real Life Inspiration: The “Noble Men” are clearly based on real groups like the Proud Boys. The movie makes fun of them by showing they are terrified of a teenage girl.
• Lulu does the heavy lifting: Lulu Wilson has been acting in horror movies since she was a toddler (almost). She was in Ouija: Origin of Evil and Annabelle: Creation. Kid’s got a resume scarier than my medical history.
• The Key: The key from the first movie (the MacGuffin) returns here, but it turns out to be coordinates. To what? Who knows. Probably the plot for a third movie.
• Rocket Launcher Ending: The ending implies Becky is now a government assassin. It’s ridiculous, but so is the price of gas, so I’ll buy it.

Trailer

Alright, listen up, you knuckleheads. If you’re tired of movies where everyone is hugging it out and talking about their “feelings” while the world goes down the toilet, I finally found something for you. It’s called Falling Down, and let me tell you, it’s about time someone made a movie about a guy who just wants a simple breakfast without signing a contract. It stars Michael Douglas as a guy having the kind of bad day that makes my hemorrhoids flare up just watching it. He’s stuck in traffic, it’s hot, and everyone around him is an idiot. Sound familiar? It’s basically my life, but with more shotguns.

This flick isn’t for the sensitive snowflakes who need a “safe space” because the barista got their soy latte wrong. This is about a man who finally snaps because society is broken. It’s got Robert Duvall in it too, playing a cop who’s actually got a brain in his head, unlike the ones I see on the news these days. If you want to see what happens when a regular Joe stops being polite and starts getting real—and I don’t mean like those MTV reality shows—then grab your popcorn and sit down. And pull up your pants, for crying out loud.

Review by Ben Dover

Let me tell you something, I haven’t related to a character this much since… well, ever. Michael Douglas plays this guy, William Foster, but his license plate says “D-FENS,” so that’s what we call him. He’s an unemployed defense worker, which means he used to have a real job before we started outsourcing everything to countries I can’t pronounce. He’s trying to get across Los Angeles to see his daughter, but the city is full of morons. He runs into gang bangers, greedy store owners, and construction crews who stand around leaning on shovels while taxpayers like me foot the bill. And what does he do? He does what I dream about doing every time I’m in line at the DMV—he fights back.

The best scene, hands down, is when he goes into a burger joint—”Whammy Burger”—and tries to get breakfast. They tell him he’s three minutes late. Three minutes! You got some teenager behind the counter looking at the register like it’s a spaceship, telling him “rules are rules.” Douglas pulls a gun, and suddenly, the customer service improves! It’s beautiful. I’m not saying we should go around waving firearms, but would it kill you to serve a sausage McMuffin at 11:35? It’s hilarious because it’s true. Every time I try to order a simple coffee now, I need a translator for “Venti” and “Grande.” Just give me a small coffee, you hippie!

The movie isn’t just about smashing stuff, though. It’s got Robert Duvall playing a cop on his last day before retirement. He’s dealing with a wife who calls him every five minutes about the most inane garbage—reminds me of my third wife, Gladys, god rest her soul (even though she never let me rest). Duvall is the only one who figures out where Douglas is going because he actually uses his brain. The chemistry between the two stories works, even though they don’t meet until the end.

Now, here’s where I get cranky. The movie tries to get all “psychological” at the end. They try to make you think D-Fens is the bad guy. Excuse me? The man is clearing the streets of criminals and lowering the price of soda, and I’m supposed to boo him? Hollywood always has to ruin it by making the working man look crazy. They want you to think he’s the villain, but looking at the world today, I think he’s the only sane one left. The ending is a bit of a letdown because of that. I wanted him to get a medal, not a lecture.

Overall, it’s a solid flick. It’s gritty, it’s sweaty, and it’s angry. Just like me after I watch the evening news. It captures that feeling of being squeezed by a system that doesn’t care about you. If you’re a snowflake, stay home and watch cartoons. If you’re a grown-up who remembers when a dollar was worth a dollar, go watch Falling Down.

Cast

• Michael Douglas as William “D-Fens” Foster: He’s fantastic. He’s got that haircut that says “I do my taxes on time,” and a look in his eyes that says “I will end you.” He carries the whole movie.
• Robert Duvall as Detective Prendergast: A class act. He plays the tired cop perfectly. He’s too old for this nonsense, just like me.
• Barbara Hershey as Beth: The ex-wife. She spends most of the movie looking terrified. I frankly don’t see what the big deal was; the guy just wanted to see his kid.
• Rachel Ticotin as Detective Sandra: Duvall’s partner. She’s tough, I’ll give her that.
• Frederic Forrest as The Surplus Store Owner: This guy is a nutjob. Even D-Fens thinks he’s crazy. A warning to you kids: this is what happens when you spend too much time in your basement.

Special Effects and Music

There aren’t any of those fancy computer-generated superheroes flying around in spandex here, thank God. The “special effects” are real things blowing up and real cars crashing. The way movies used to be! When Douglas shoots a rocket launcher at a construction site, it looks like a real explosion, not a video game.

The music is by James Newton Howard. It’s moody and tense. It’s got this low thrumming sound that sounds like a headache coming on, which fits the movie perfectly. There isn’t some annoying pop song by a girl with blue hair over the credits, so that’s a win in my book.

Rating

I give this movie 4.5 out of 5 stars. I’d give it 5, but the ending went soft on me.

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

Synopsis:

William “D-Fens” Foster is an unemployed defense engineer who abandons his car in gridlocked LA traffic on the hottest day of the year. He decides to walk home to Venice Beach to attend his daughter’s birthday party, despite having a restraining order against him. As he walks, he encounters various urban annoyances—gang members, rude shopkeepers, Neo-Nazis, and bureaucratic road crews. Each encounter escalates in violence as Foster acquires more weapons and lashes out against the indignities of modern life. Meanwhile, Detective Prendergast, on his final day before retirement, tracks Foster’s path of destruction, piecing together that this “average Joe” is actually a ticking time bomb.

Plot Breakdown:

• The Traffic Jam: Foster snaps in the heat, leaves his car, and walks away. Prendergast is in the same traffic jam and helps move the abandoned car.
• The Korean Grocery: Foster tries to get change for a phone call. The owner demands he buy something. Foster thinks the prices are a rip-off and smashes up the store with a baseball bat, “rolling back prices.”
• The Gang Encounter: Two gang members try to mug Foster. He fights them off with the bat. Later, they try to do a drive-by shooting on him but crash their car. Foster picks up their bag of guns and shoots one of them in the leg.
• The Whammy Burger: Foster tries to order breakfast at 11:33 AM. They refuse. He pulls a gun and accidentally fires it, terrifying the staff into giving him his food, though he admits the burger looks like a “sorry, miserable, squashed thing.”
• The Surplus Store: Foster meets a Neo-Nazi store owner who hides him from the police but then assumes they are allies. When the owner goes on a racist rant, Foster kills him and takes a rocket launcher.
• The Road Crew: Foster blows up a construction site because the road isn’t actually broken, and they are just justifying their budget.
• The Golf Course: Foster crosses a golf course, gets hit by a ball, and scares an old golfer into a heart attack.
• The Climax: Foster reaches the pier where his ex-wife and daughter have fled. Prendergast confronts him. Foster realizes he has become the villain (“I’m the bad guy?”). He draws a water pistol, forcing Prendergast to shoot him, ensuring his daughter gets his life insurance money.

5 Famous Quotes

1. “I’m the bad guy? How did that happen? I did everything they told me to.”
2. “I’m rolling prices back to 1965! What do you think of that?”
3. “I am not economically viable!”
4. “Rick, have you ever heard the expression ‘the customer is always right’? Well, here I am. The customer.”
5. “I lost my job. Actually, I didn’t lose it. It lost me. I’m over-educated, under-skilled.”

5 Notes from the Movie

1. Filmed During Riots: They filmed this movie in Los Angeles during the 1992 Rodney King riots. They actually had to stop filming for a bit because the city was on fire. Talk about method acting!
2. License Plate: Foster’s license plate “D-FENS” stands for his job in the Defense industry, but it also sounds like “Defense,” which is what he thinks he’s doing. Clever, huh?
3. Iron Maiden: The heavy metal band Iron Maiden has a song called “Man on the Edge” that is based entirely on this movie. I don’t listen to that noise, but my nephew tells me it’s a “banger.”
4. Not the Studio’s First Choice: The script was turned down by every major studio because they thought it was too controversial. Warner Bros finally picked it up. Shows what those suits know.
5. Duvall’s Role: Robert Duvall’s character was originally supposed to die at the end, but they changed it so he could retire and live. Good. The man earned his pension.

Photos

Trailer

Cool cut up with Iron Maiden “Man on the Edge” and Falling Down

Reviewer Notes

Creepy opening with the staring kid

OK this traffic scene makes ME want to go postal

This feels so much older to me than 1992 Mandela effect everywhere I would have sworn we were technologically ahead of this, but I guess not.

Michael Douglas is amazing in this he just basically is playing MAGA before MAGA. Fed up, a little rascist but doesn’t like to think he is etc.

Another kid staring him down… just weird like a lot of silent witnesses to his madness.

I have to admit I did not remember this movie right, I have always felt like D-fens was the hero, he is absolutely the bringer of Chaos in every instance. This is a horror/Thriller with Douglas being a crazy MF. He is basically Art the Clown just sewing chaos everywhere.

This random London Bridge / Havasu story feels like product placement.

The Nazi says they are not the same, but they really are the same.

He is terrifyingly insane, his talking to Beth on the phone is terrifying.

Now your going to die wearing that stupid hat. Funny

They lie to everybody…

Suicide by cop on his last day, thats messed up.

Nice job showing how fast a life can descend into madness with the videos at the end.

Brightburn is a dark, R-rated horror flick that swaps capes for gore and wholesome values for bloody mayhem. It’s directed by David Yarovesky, but let’s be honest, everyone’s talking about producer James Gunn. If you’ve been waiting for a superhero movie where the “hero” brutally murders people for minor slights and leaves behind a creepy crop circle meets fraternity symbol, then get ready. Just don’t expect any deep, thoughtful character studies. This kid is evil because… well, because his spaceship told him to be. It’s a 90-minute reminder that sometimes, what you wish for is a total nightmare.

Review by Ben Dover

I went into Brightburn hoping for something that would finally give this ridiculous superhero craze a swift, violent kick in the pants. Did I get it? Mostly. The premise is fantastic: take the most famous origin story in comics, strip out all the “truth, justice, and the American way” drivel, and replace it with good old-fashioned horror. The whole “What if Superman was a monster?” idea is a winner, and for a good forty minutes, this movie had me grinning like a fool. It’s got a great nasty streak, especially in the kill scenes. One poor sap gets a shard of glass in the eye, and the director practically sets up a spotlight to make sure you see every gruesome, eye-squishy detail. Good for them! The kids today need to see some real violence, not that antiseptic CGI garbage.

But then, the movie starts tripping over its own feet. The characters are stupider than a box of rocks. The mother, Tori Breyer, is in such deep denial about her clearly psychopathic child—who, I might add, kills their chickens first—that it stretches belief. I get that a mother’s love is blind, but this woman is willfully ignoring the flaming wreckage of a car accident caused by her son! What did they raise him on, a steady diet of participation trophies and excuses? The dad, Kyle, figures it out pretty quickly and decides the only logical step is to take the super-powered alien to the woods and try to kill him with a deer rifle. Seriously? This kid can fly and is bulletproof, and you bring a hunting rifle? The sheer lack of common sense is an insult to my intelligence, and I’m 60 years old.

The biggest crime here is the wasted potential. They set up this great idea, and then they play it safe by making it a standard “evil kid” horror movie. Why is he evil? Because his spaceship told him so. That’s it. No internal struggle, no complex descent into madness, just “Must. Take. World.” It’s a plot that’s as thin as a slice of deli turkey. (It’s also the base premise of Gunn’s 2025 Superman take) I wanted a subversive comic book movie, and I got a predictable splatter film with a red cape. It’s like they were too scared to actually write a character, so they just gave him a spooky mask and let him fly around smashing things.

Having said all that, the final twenty minutes are worth the price of admission if you like your endings dark and decisive. There’s no last-minute redemption, no talking the psycho kid down. He just finishes the job and sets up a nice little news report montage that hints at a whole universe of super-freaks out there, including what looks like an evil Aquaman and Wonder Woman. Of course, they had to throw in a sequel tease, because nothing is sacred anymore. But the movie wraps up its central story with a punch, which is more than I can say for most of the bloated, three-hour epics the youngsters line up for nowadays. It’s a fun B-movie, but it’s not the smart satire it desperately wanted to be.

Cast

• Jackson A. Dunn as Brandon Breyer / Brightburn: The alien boy with all the powers of Superman but the demeanor of a disgruntled middle-schooler who just discovered the word “edgy.” He was good, which is rare for a child actor. Too many of them look like they’re reading the lines off the director’s forehead.
• Elizabeth Banks as Tori Breyer: The adoptive mother who treats her flying, laser-eyed son like he just needs a time-out. Banks plays the maternal denial well, right up until the point where she becomes a human paperweight.
• David Denman as Kyle Breyer: The adoptive father who is the only adult in the county with a lick of sense. He figures out the kid is a menace and tries to stop him, bless his heart. His attempt is pitifully misguided, but you have to admire the effort.
• Matt Jones as Noah McNichol: Kyle’s brother and the ill-fated uncle. He’s just there to be flipped around in a truck like a tiny toy car.
• Meredith Hagner as Merilee McNichol: Noah’s wife and Brandon’s school counselor who makes the fatal mistake of trying to “connect” with a space demon.

Casting Note: We also get the great Gunn cast that includes Jennifer Holland, Steve Agee, and of course a little Michael Rooker, because what’s a Gunn joint without the whole family.

Special Effects and Music

The special effects are shockingly decent for a movie that didn’t cost as much as one of Robert Downey Jr.’s pinky rings. The heat vision is great—a nasty, focused beam that looks like it hurts. When the kid flies, it’s suitably menacing, like a demonic blur, not a big blue boy scout floating gently. The gory scenes are the real stars here, though. The practical effects work on the victims, especially the jaw and the eye injuries, are gruesome and realistic. It’s the kind of stuff that makes the popcorn taste a little metallic.

As for the music, it’s got the usual spooky horror score, but the best part is easily the end credits. They throw on Billie Eilish’s “Bad Guy”—the ultimate anthem for today’s moody, unwashed youth. It was actually a perfect choice, and I’ll begrudgingly admit it. It’s the only thing in the movie that felt genuinely clever about the modern teenage psyche, which I still don’t understand one bit. Why can’t they just listen to some nice, loud Creedence Clearwater Revival like I do?

Rating

4 / 5 Stars

It’s nasty fun, but it’s still just a B-movie with an A-list premise.

Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

In 2006, Tori and Kyle Breyer, a couple living on a farm in Brightburn, Kansas, are desperate to have a child. Their wish is granted in the most bizarre way when a small spacecraft crashes onto their property, carrying a baby boy whom they adopt and name Brandon. They hide the spaceship in a locked cellar beneath their barn and tell Brandon he was adopted.

Fast forward twelve years, and Brandon is a quiet, exceptionally intelligent, but awkward preteen. He begins to hear a humming in his head which draws him to the barn and his hidden spaceship. As he touches the ship, a red light pulses, and his powers begin to manifest: super strength, invulnerability, and flight. The ship’s influence seems to be overriding his human upbringing, implanting a singular, sinister directive: “Take the world.” He starts by killing the family’s chickens and drawing a creepy symbol everywhere.

His descent into villainy quickens when a classmate, Caitlyn, calls him a pervert after he spooks her. In a fit of rage during a P.E. trust exercise, he crushes her hand. When Caitlyn’s mother, Erika, confronts Tori and Kyle at the school, demanding Brandon be arrested, Brandon decides to retaliate. He stalks Erika at a diner, putting on a makeshift cape and mask, and murders her in a brutally bloody fashion, leaving his symbol at the scene.

Brandon’s uncle, Noah, becomes suspicious and tells Kyle he’s worried. Brandon intercepts Noah on a lonely road, using his super strength to lift Noah’s truck and drop it repeatedly, killing him and making it look like a tragic accident. Tori tries to believe her son is innocent, clinging to the idea that he is a “gift,” while Kyle, recognizing the monster his son has become, finds Brandon’s blood-stained shirt and knows the truth. Kyle takes Brandon hunting, pretending it’s a father-son trip, but attempts to shoot him in the back of the head. The bullet harmlessly ricochets, and Brandon uses his heat vision to kill Kyle instantly.

The local Sheriff’s Deputy, an acquaintance of the family, shows Tori the symbol found at the crime scenes, matching the one Brandon drew repeatedly. Finally accepting the horrifying truth, Tori goes to the barn, retrieves a sharp shard from the wreckage of the spaceship (the only material known to be able to cut him), and confronts Brandon. She tries to appeal to his humanity, but Brandon is too far gone. He flies her high into the sky, telling her he loves her, before dropping her to her death. He then destroys the farmhouse, using his flight to direct a passing passenger plane to crash directly into the home, incinerating the evidence and making himself look like the sole, miraculously unharmed survivor of a terrible “accident.” The final scene of the film shows Brandon continuing his reign of terror as a fully realized super-villain, now known publicly as “Brightburn,” as news reports highlight his continued destructive acts across the globe.

Famous Quotes from the Movie

1. “Shikaro larem olen. Shikaro larem olen. Shikaro… ‘Shikaro’ means take. Take… the… Take the world.”
2. “I’m his real mother!”
3. “He’s not our son!”
4. “Whatever you’ve done, I know there is good inside you!”
5. “Do you even know who his real mother is? I meant whatever inbred psycho gave birth to him.”

Interesting Facts and Notes

1. Gunn Family Production: The film was produced by James Gunn (of Guardians of the Galaxy fame), and the screenplay was written by his brother, Brian Gunn, and cousin, Mark Gunn. It’s like a twisted family reunion project.
2. The Superman Homage: The whole movie is a direct, dark inversion of Superman’s origin story, right down to the childless farm couple in Kansas and the alien ship being hidden in a barn. The final costume is a nasty take on the classic hero uniform.
3. The Crimson Bolt Cameo: In the post-credits sequence featuring Michael Rooker’s character, there is a subtle nod to James Gunn’s earlier film, Super (2010), by referencing the vigilante character, “The Crimson Bolt.”
4. Lois Lane Echo: Brandon’s classmate, Caitlyn, is seen working on an essay titled “The Decline of Truth and Justice in the Modern World,” which is a clear, if heavy-handed, nod to Superman’s love interest, Lois Lane, a writer for the Daily Planet.
5. Darbo’s Family Grill: The diner where Brandon brutally kills Erika is named “Darbo’s Family Grill,” another Easter Egg reference to the main character, Frank Darbo, from James Gunn’s film Super.

Photos

Trailer

This is a film that asks the big questions: Is it horror? Is it a psychological thriller? Is it just two men who desperately need a hobby that doesn’t involve drinking kerosene and arguing about a damp floor? The tension between the two leads is so thick you could use it to caulk a leaky hull, and the movie delights in letting the audience guess what’s real and what’s just the isolation playing tricks. It’s an exhausting, claustrophobic watch, filmed in a boxy, old-timey aspect ratio that makes everything feel squashed and miserable. If you’re looking for a breezy Saturday night flick with a happy ending, you should have just stayed home and watched the nightly news—it’s less depressing, and the acting is probably better.

Review by Ben Dover

Let me tell you, I haven’t been this annoyed by two people cooped up together since my son’s college roommate wouldn’t stop playing that awful “mumble rap.” Director Robert Eggers has given us an unsettling, beautifully shot piece of cinematic torture called The Lighthouse. It’s a two-person play, really, about what happens when you take two already unstable men, put them on a rock the size of my backyard shed, and forbid them from having even a shred of common sense. You’d think being a lighthouse keeper would be a dignified, solitary job. Instead, we get Willem Dafoe, as the flatulent, old Thomas Wake, demanding his underling, played by Robert Pattinson, empty chamber pots and refusing to let him near the light. It’s a workplace dispute that escalates faster than a Twitter mob.

The movie is filmed in stark, gorgeous black-and-white, making everything look like a photo from my childhood—all doom and gloom. It’s got a weird, square frame, which I guess is supposed to make you feel “claustrophobic.” All it made me feel was like I was watching the movie through a mail slot. All that fancy technique is just window dressing for a story that is, at its core, a screaming match between a drunk, manipulative old man and a guilt-ridden, repressed younger man. They drink, they dance, they fight, they share secrets, and they even get a little… affectionate? Honestly, the whole thing gave me a headache. You just want one of them to get on the radio and call for a supervisor, but no, they have to descend into full-blown mythological madness about mermaids and Prometheus and a damn bird. Just talk to each other, you lunkheads!

And speaking of that “young Tommy,” Robert Pattinson spends the entire film looking like he’s about to cry, which is probably what the kids call “method acting” these days. He’s supposed to be playing a tough former lumberjack, but he looks like a college kid who just realized he’s all out of avocado toast. Dafoe, on the other hand, is a monstrous delight channeling his inner Green Goblin. His performance is a masterclass in chewing the scenery with a pirate’s accent. His monologues are the only parts that truly held my attention—he doesn’t just curse, he invokes ancient gods just to tell the young ‘un his cooking is lousy. If you’re going to lose your mind, you might as well do it with style. (Dafoe almost always does)

The film’s constant references to old-timey mythology and literature are clearly supposed to make it seem deep, like something those young film students will write papers about. But to me, it’s just two men with extremely poor coping skills. They could have been reading books, carving wood, or anything other than drinking turpentine and imagining tentacles. It’s a grueling watch that tests your patience as much as it tests the characters’ sanity. But I have to admit, by the end, when the truly insane stuff starts happening, it hooks you. It’s a pretentious nightmare, but it’s my kind of pretentious nightmare. It’s an art film that isn’t afraid to be dirty, disgusting, and genuinely scary. If you can handle the oppressive atmosphere and the sheer, unending misery, you’ll be rewarded with a film that’s impossible to shake. Just bring some industrial-strength earplugs for all the screaming.

Rating

3.5 out of 5 Pecking Seagulls

I hated every minute of watching this film, but I still have to admit it’s some quality art. I didn’t like either character which made it tough to care about their descent into madness, a lot of it felt like chaos for the sake of chaos, that said, its definitely ends up feeling like art for art’s sake rather than an enjoyable movie. Film fans should watch it, but prepare to feel ugly afterwards. It felt like I had just ran a marathon… and I am not a runner.

Starring

• Willem Dafoe as Thomas Wake: The older, demanding “wickie” who guards the light like it’s his wife. He’s a boisterous, flatulent, pipe-smoking salt of the earth who spins tall tales and drives his subordinate mad with his oppressive authority and endless chores. He’s the kind of boss who thinks yelling makes you a good leader.
• Robert Pattinson as Ephraim Winslow (who reveals his real name is Thomas Howard): The young, brooding, former timberman seeking a new trade and a clean slate. He is quiet, reserved, and quickly descends into resentment and paranoia under Wake’s tyrannical command. He’s a powder keg just waiting for a single, small spark.
• Valeriia Karaman as Mermaid: A surreal, haunting figure that appears in Winslow’s hallucinations and desires.

Meet the Lighthouse Keepers

The story is a two-man play centered on the intense and destructive relationship between two “wickies” (lighthouse keepers).

By trapping these two volatile personalities on a desolate rock, the film creates a pressure-cooker environment where a simple workplace hierarchy is destined to collapse into a mythic struggle for dominance.

Special Effects and Music

The movie is a masterpiece of gritty, practical filmmaking, which is good because I hate that computer junk the kids use now. The Special Effects are mostly just good old-fashioned makeup, staging, and lighting. The hallucinations—of tentacles, a giant cyclops gull, and the terrifying, blazing light itself—are disturbing and wonderfully organic, not some digital sludge. The final, horrifying image of Winslow’s fate is a brutal, unforgettable use of practical effects. It looks like the kind of awful event you read about in a dusty, old newspaper.

The Music by Mark Korven is a relentless assault on the nerves. It’s not your typical catchy movie score; it’s a throbbing, unsettling noise—a low, discordant hum that sounds like a foghorn being played through a broken cello. It, along with the incredible sound design of the crashing waves and the deafening, bass-heavy thrum of the lighthouse machinery, is what truly makes the movie feel like a horror film. You can practically taste the salt and feel the damp chill. It’s all very effective, and very, very loud.

Complete Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

In the late 1890s, the taciturn Ephraim Winslow arrives on a remote, rock island off the coast of New England to begin a four-week stint as an assistant lighthouse keeper, or “wickie,” under the grizzled, flatulent, and tyrannical Thomas Wake, a former sailor. Wake immediately asserts his authority, assigning Winslow all the physically grueling, demeaning tasks—hauling kerosene, cleaning the station, emptying chamber pots, and whitewashing the tower—while forbidding him from entering the lantern room, which Wake tends nightly. Wake warns Winslow that it’s bad luck to kill a seabird, claiming they are reincarnated sailors, and mentions his previous wickie went mad and died.

As the weeks progress, the isolation, Wake’s relentless bullying, and the physical labor begin to wear on Winslow. He starts having strange, erotic hallucinations of a mermaid and finds a small scrimshaw of the creature. He grows increasingly resentful, believing Wake is purposefully trying to break him. When a one-eyed seagull persistently harasses Winslow, he snaps, brutally bludgeoning the bird to death against the rocks, an act which immediately triggers a violent, unending storm that prevents the tender from collecting them.

Stranded indefinitely, their cabin is nearly flooded, and they soon run out of kerosene and food. They discover a hidden crate of alcohol and proceed to get spectacularly, perpetually drunk, cycling through moments of bitter hatred, forced intimacy (singing, dancing), and paranoia. During a drunken confession, Winslow reveals his real name is Thomas Howard and that he is an escaped lumberjack who assumed the identity of the original Ephraim Winslow, whom he left to drown in a logging accident. Wake, who has been gaslighting and tormenting Howard, destroys their dinghy with an axe.

The two men devolve into full madness. Howard finds Wake’s logbook filled with lies that accuse him of incompetence and recommend his firing. In a rage, Howard attacks Wake, beating him severely before attempting to bury him alive. Wake curses him with a mythical warning, describing a Promethean punishment for those who gaze upon the light. Howard takes the keys and ascends the winding stairs to the lantern room. He opens the final door and is blasted by the blinding, divine light, which makes him scream and fall down the long staircase. The film ends with Howard alive but horribly wounded, lying nude at the base of the lighthouse, with seagulls—presumably the reincarnated sailors—pecking at his liver.

Famous Quotes from The Lighthouse

1. “HAAAARK! Hark Triton, hark! Bellow, bid our father the Sea King rise from the depths full foul in his fury! Black waves teeming with salt foam to smother this young mouth with pungent slime!”
2. “Boredom makes men to villains, and the water goes quick, lad. Vanished. The only med’cine is drink. Keeps them sailors happy, keeps ’em agreeable, keeps ’em calm, keeps ’em…”
3. “Bad luck to kill a seabird!”
4. “You think you’re so damned high and mighty cause you’re a goddamned lighthouse keeper? Well, you ain’t a captain of no ship and you never was… and I’m sick of your laugh, your snoring, and your goddamned farts. Your damned goddamned farts. Goddamn yer farts!”
5. “I’m damn-well wedded to this here light, and she’s been a finer, truer, quieter wife than any alive-blooded woman.”

Notes from the Movie

• Inspired by a Real Tragedy: The film was loosely inspired by the Smalls Lighthouse Tragedy of 1801, where two Welsh wickies, Thomas Howell and Thomas Griffith, were stranded together after Griffith died in an accident. Howell, fearing an accusation of murder, kept the body, and the isolation nearly drove him mad.
• Authentic Dialect: The unique, archaic, and verbose dialogue was meticulously crafted by the Eggers brothers (Robert and Max) based on 19th-century New England sailors’ vernacular, including the writings of Herman Melville and period lighthouse keeper journals.
• Orthochromatic Emulation: Cinematographer Jarin Blaschke shot the film on black-and-white 35mm stock using a custom cyan filter and lenses from the 1910s and 1930s to emulate the look of orthochromatic film. This type of film registers reds as black, which is why the characters’ lips and blood appear so dark and stark.
• The Aspect Ratio: The film was shot in the nearly square 1.19:1 aspect ratio, an extremely rare format used for early sound films. Director Robert Eggers chose it to emphasize the claustrophobia of the environment and force the actors closer together in the frame.
• Custom-Built Lighthouse: The entire 70-foot-tall lighthouse and the keeper’s cottage were custom-built for the movie on the rugged coastline of Cape Forchu, Nova Scotia, specifically to be battered by real storms. The light itself had a 2,000-watt bulb that was far brighter than a real period light, blinding the actors in wide shots.

Trailer

Our hero’s peaceful new existence is shattered when a botched car theft escalates into a full-blown hostage situation at a seemingly normal, yet surprisingly fortified, mansion. As if dealing with three unpredictable, idiotic teenagers wasn’t enough, it turns out the homeowner has more secrets than a politician’s offshore bank account. And those secrets? They’re about to put our man’s own family squarely in the crosshairs. Buckle up, because things are about to get very, very complicated.

Review by Ben Dover

Alright, so “Hostage.” Another day, another Bruce Willis movie where he scowls his way through a mess. You know the drill. He’s a cop, he’s got a tortured past, and suddenly, he’s the only one who can save the day. It’s like they just plug in a new script to the same old Willis template. Don’t get me wrong, the guy can still carry a movie, but I swear, I’ve seen more emotional range from a brick. At least he’s not trying to sing this time, I suppose.

The premise itself is decent enough. A former hostage negotiator, trying to escape the trauma of a past failure, finds himself right back in the thick of it. And of course, his own family gets dragged into it because that’s how these things work. It adds a nice layer of personal stakes, I’ll give them that. But then they throw in these dumb teenagers who bumble their way through the initial robbery, and you’re left wondering if they’ve ever watched a movie about crime. They’re more annoying than threatening, except for that one freak.

Now, that freak, Mars, played by Ben Foster, he’s the real gem here. This kid is genuinely unsettling. While the other two delinquents are busy being incompetent, Mars is just… off. He’s got that wide-eyed, unsettling stare, and you know he’s capable of anything. He’s the only character who feels truly dangerous, and he elevates what could have been a very generic thriller into something a bit more tense. Honestly, without him, this whole thing would just be Willis grumbling at some whiny kids.

The plot twists and turns like a crooked politician trying to avoid a subpoena. Just when you think it’s a straightforward hostage situation, they introduce a shadowy organization, a dirty accountant, and a bunch of other shenanigans. It gets a bit convoluted, and frankly, I was starting to lose track of who was double-crossing whom. But hey, at least it keeps you guessing, even if it feels like they’re just making it up as they go along. Overall, it’s a decent enough time-waster, especially if you’re a fan of Willis doing his thing, which, let’s be honest, we all are, despite our complaints.

Starring

• Bruce Willis as Jeff Talley: The former LAPD hostage negotiator, now a small-town police chief. Still got that brooding intensity, even if he looks like he’d rather be on a golf course.
• Kevin Pollak as Walter Smith: The accountant with more secrets than a squirrel buried nuts. He’s the reason all this mayhem happens, naturally.
• Ben Foster as Mars Krupcheck: The truly disturbed and unpredictable member of the teenage trio. This kid stole every scene he was in. Give him more roles where he can be creepy.
• Jonathan Tucker as Dennis Kelly: The “leader” of the teenage thugs, who probably watched too many gangster movies and thought he knew what he was doing. He didn’t.
• Marshall Allman as Kevin Kelly: Dennis’s younger brother, caught up in the stupidity of his older sibling. He’s the slightly less annoying of the two.
• Michelle Horn as Jennifer Smith: Walter Smith’s teenage daughter, stuck in the middle of a nightmare, and far too smart for these buffoons.
• Jimmy Bennett as Tommy Smith: Walter Smith’s young son, who proves that even little kids can be resourceful when their lives depend on it.
• Serena Scott Thomas as Jane Talley: Jeff’s long-suffering wife, who probably wonders why she ever married a cop.
• Rumer Willis as Amanda Talley: Jeff’s daughter, played by Bruce Willis’s real-life daughter. A bit of nepotism never hurt anyone, I guess.

Special Effects

The special effects in “Hostage” are pretty much what you’d expect from a mid-2000s action thriller. Lots of explosions, shattered glass, and general destruction. It’s all competently done, nothing groundbreaking, but it gets the job done. The house getting shot up and eventually going up in flames looks realistic enough to make you feel bad for the poor accountant’s insurance company. There are a few moments where the practical effects shine, especially with the close-quarters combat and the general mess that unfolds inside the house. No distracting CGI monsters or spaceships, just good old-fashioned mayhem. Sometimes simple is better, especially when the plot is already trying to tie itself in knots.

Music

The score by Alexandre Desplat is… well, it’s there. It’s effective in building tension, with a lot of those low, rumbling sounds that are supposed to make you feel uneasy. You know, the kind of music that screams “something bad is about to happen, but not quite yet.” There are some quieter, more melancholic pieces too, especially when they’re trying to inject some emotional depth into Willis’s character. But honestly, it’s not the kind of soundtrack you’ll be humming in the shower. It does its job, supports the mood, and doesn’t get in the way. It’s not a Hans Zimmer masterpiece, but it’s not elevator music either. It just kind of… exists.

Rating

3.5 out of 5 grumpy action stars

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

Former LAPD SWAT officer and hostage negotiator Jeff Talley (Bruce Willis) is left traumatized after a failed negotiation results in the deaths of a young boy and his mother. Blaming himself, Talley quits the LAPD and moves with his estranged wife, Jane (Serena Scott Thomas), and daughter, Amanda (Rumer Willis), to the quiet, suburban town of Bristo Camino, taking on the role of police chief, hoping for a simpler life.

One year later, three teenage delinquents – the hot-headed Dennis Kelly (Jonathan Tucker), his timid younger brother Kevin (Marshall Allman), and the psychopathic Mars Krupcheck (Ben Foster) – attempt to steal a car in Bristo Camino. The car belongs to a wealthy accountant, Walter Smith (Kevin Pollak), who lives in a heavily fortified mansion with his teenage daughter Jennifer (Michelle Horn) and young son Tommy (Jimmy Bennett). When a responding police officer is shot, the botched robbery quickly escalates into a full-blown hostage situation inside the Smith mansion.

Talley arrives at the scene, and despite his initial reluctance to get involved in another high-stakes negotiation, he’s forced to take charge. However, he soon learns that Smith is no ordinary accountant; he’s been laundering money for a powerful, shadowy criminal syndicate. Smith possesses a crucial encrypted DVD containing incriminating financial information, and the syndicate wants it back. To force Talley’s hand, the syndicate, led by a mysterious figure known as “The Watchman” (Kim Coates), kidnaps Talley’s wife and daughter, threatening to kill them if he doesn’t retrieve the DVD from Smith’s house.

Now, Talley is caught between a rock and a hard place: he must navigate the increasingly volatile situation inside the mansion, where Mars’s unpredictable and violent behavior poses a constant threat to the Smith family, all while secretly trying to retrieve the DVD for the syndicate to save his own family. The film becomes a tense cat-and-mouse game as Talley tries to outsmart both the teenage captors and the more professional, ruthless syndicate members. Inside the house, Tommy, the young son, proves surprisingly cunning, using hidden passages and a cell phone to communicate with Talley. The situation spirals into chaos with gunfights, explosions, and betrayals, culminating in a violent confrontation where Talley must confront the syndicate and protect both his family and the remaining hostages.

5 Famous Quotes from Hostage

1. “This is my town now. My rules. You understand me?” – Jeff Talley
2. “You don’t understand. I need that money. My family is in danger!” – Walter Smith
3. “I like watching people die.” – Mars Krupcheck
4. “You think I’m scared of you, little boy?” – Jennifer Smith (to Mars)
5. “Some jobs, you take home with you.” – Jeff Talley

5 Notes from the Movie

1. Based on a Novel: The film is based on the 2001 novel of the same name by Robert Crais. The movie streamlines some of the more complex crime syndicate subplots from the book.
2. Real-Life Father-Daughter Duo: Bruce Willis’s real-life daughter, Rumer Willis, plays his character’s daughter, Amanda, in the film.
3. Director’s American Debut: “Hostage” marked the English-language directorial debut for French director Florent Emilio Siri.
4. Extensive Research: Before filming, director Florent Emilio Siri spent time with LAPD SWAT officers and hostage negotiators to accurately portray their procedures and mindset.
5. Ben Foster’s Intensity: Ben Foster reportedly stayed in character as Mars Krupcheck throughout much of the production, isolating himself from the rest of the cast to maintain his unsettling persona.

Trailer